The Mars Volta
The Mars Volta is a band that prides itself on combining progressive rock with jazz fusion and Latin American music, having energetic live shows, and being completely unlistenable.
Just The Facts
- Mars Volta songs tend to be somewhere between three hours and eight weeks in length.
- They fuse a wide variety of terrible genres to create an awful sound to call their own.
- The most skilled musicians from The Mars Volta are either guest musicians from other bands, or members that have left the group (ie, their old drummer).
- The person writing this actually likes some of their songs, so if you're a die-hard MV fan, calm down.
The Mars Volta minstrels and their labyrinthine burdens
(aka the Mars Volta's members and what their job are.)
Cedric Bixler-Zavala
Job: Creating lyrics/gibberish, wailing.
To his credit, Zavala sounds kind of like Robert Plant. However, while Plant sang mostly about babes he was gonna leave and occasionly made some songs about Lord of the Rings-related stuff, all of Zavala's songs are based on the things that a crazy homeless man sees after he looses his tinfoil hat.
Omar Rodríguez-López
Job: Guitar (Electric/acoustic/Lovecraftian)
Lopez's can do two things with his guitar: take you to a magical realm the likes of which you've never seen, or make you hate having the ability to hear. "Televators" has some nice stuff in it, and "L'Via L'Viaquez" has a pretty groovy riff, but for God's sake, every time he steps on one of those distortion/wammy pedals or uses "dissonance" it's like having your brain get kicked in the dick.
OTHER MUSICIANS: COMING SOON.
This article is pretty bad written and not very funny. I did not laugh at all. It is quite stupid.
ReplyI know that Cracked doesn't collectively write every article, and you certainly don't strive for impartiality (why should you? You're not wikipedia) but blatantly calling The Mars Volta "terrible" rubs me the wrong way. This being said the article is pretty accurate and funny, but they do in fact have complexly poetic lyrics with a deeper meaning that doesn't need to be understood to sound cool.
ReplyI f*****g LOVE The Mars Volta, but this article (what's there so far) hits the nail right on the head, and made me laugh quite a bit! I salute you, sir.
ReplyThat's not cool.It beats the f**k out of At The Drive-In. Plus, they won a Grammy, and have pretty much caused Frusciante to quit RHCP to do solos on their albums. Overall, I am sure it's better when you are tired of normal s**t and don't want to listen to Screamo Hardcore.
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