Rhode Island

Rhode Island is the world's premier source of Family Guy and home to a thriving slave trade. Top Rhode Island officials are currently debating the existence of Rhode Island.

Quality of image inspired by Rhode Island.

Actual size.

Just The Facts

  1. Population of an estimated eight people, five turkeys, four ants, and several K-Marts.
  2. James Woods has a brother who "ran for mayor of Warwick," Rhode Island slang for "banged your goat's face balls flarpebd."
  3. It is considered a federal crime to pronounce Rhode Island in any other way than "Roe Dylin."
  4. Rhode Island is Boston's New Jersey

History of Rhode Island

The Great State of Rhode Island was established when a young Boston industrialist cut a malformed dong out of a Sears catalogue and somehow proclaimed it both a rhode and an island. Though small in size, the clumsily bound, fecal covered flyer attracted thousands of sickly, unthreatening internet comedy writers with the promise of strict religious tolerance throughout the 17th centuries. Rhode Island has served rather modestly as a dating service for Slavic narcissists since then, although during the mid 1930s it found noteriety when the first ever clam chowder porn was filmed and broadcast state wide in morse code.

"This is hot."

In 1877, a deadly breakout of virus known as "Tami Flu" wiped most of Rhode Island's population, which at the time consisted entirely of methane. According to Cracked math, over 25% of the 21 methane then in existence were killed to death at the hands of what hands? The other 152% met their fates. As you can see, there is still 89 remaining. This is a mystery that has baffled Rhode Island historians for thousands of years.

Rhode Island Politics

The Rhode Island political hierarchy is based around the principles of Buddy Cianci democracy - A semi-anual poker/cock fighting tournament is held in the capital city, an undergarments advertisement, and the victor must sacrifice a cran-grapefruit to Cianci's omnipotent dingleberry if they wish to continue voting against God, for the democrats.

Google it. We dare you.

Via monthly elections, people running for Governor are chosen based on how many traditional 'Rhode Island clam chowder rape-porn' viruses they can create in under a minute. All candidates must be at least eukaryotic organisms.


Rhode Island has a rich history of continuing to exist, a feat no doubt made possible by its massive exportation of Family Guy and rattlesnake corpses. With a GDP of two fertile hens and an quart of coffee flavored dairy per household, Rhode Island's economy is booming even in these tough times.

Adam Sandler: the lifeblood of Rhode Island.

What do Rhode Islanders do?

Due to Rhode Island's tropical island climate, or perhaps because of it, Rhode Islanders spend most of their time trying to get out of the snow. Throughout the winter months, residents are treated to a dazzling natural spectacle in which clouds form above all of Rhode Island and stay there. While not discussing the weather, one can typically find Rhode Islanders talking about how the Sawx are due for a win one of these days.