Grant Morrison

Grant Morrison is a Scottish comic book writer who has worked on titles such as Superman, Batman, the Justice League of America, the X-Men, and Hitler. He does lots of drugs and is batshit insane.

An accurate portrait of Grant Morrison. He is known to levitate and flip people off when provoked.
An accurate portrait of Grant Morrison. He is known to levitate and flip people off when provoked.
Animal Man issue 19, page 11, written by Gran Morrison. Not to be read in the bathroom.
Animal Man issue 19, page 11, written by Gran Morrison. Not to be read in the bathroom.
This man writes Superman comics.
This man writes Superman comics.

Just The Facts

  1. One time, Morrison wrote himself into an issue of his Animal Man comic series, effectively becoming part of the DC Comics universe. He was later killed by supervillains in an unrelated comic.
  2. Morrison once asked his readers to masturbate while concentrating on a symbol, to prevent the cancellation of his comic. This did not get him fired from DC Comics, presumably because he wanked hard enough to prev
  3. He is quite bald.

GRANT MORRISON WILL SHIT AWESOMENESS IN YOUR BRAIN

He knows where you keep your thoughts and he means to eat them.

Morrison at age 9.

FUN FACT! Before baldness, Morrison's hair was entirely made out of soap.

FUN FACT! Searching Grant Morrison's name on Google Images brings up a picture of his penis within the first page (with SafeSearch on "Moderate" level) (with SafeSearch off, it's all cocks).

FUN FACT! Ants do not sleep.

THE MORRISON EFFECT

Comic book characters have a tendency to turn bizarre upon encountering Grant Morrison. Let us compare:

RHEA JONES BEFORE MORRISON...

I wonder what she would look like with a giant eye on her chest.

...RHEA JONES AFTER MORRISON

LOOK, YOU CAN SEE HER TITS! LOOK!!!

From generic X-Men wannabe to... uhh, that. Still, not a bad trade. At least now you can see her tits (AND the giant eye between them!). Other notable examples of the MORRISON EFFECT include:

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL BEFORE MORRISON...

It's like an evil Benetton ad!

...THE BROTHERHOOD OF DADA AFTER MORRISON

That phone is his weapon.

The only thing that remains unchanged is the apparent happiness of the token black member.

PAUL SIMON BEFORE MORRISON...

In this version Paul Simon has glasses.

...PAUL SIMON AFTER MORRISON

In this version he has no glasses. And he is three people.

Cover of Simon & Aquaman #364 (March 1989) by Grant Morrison and Pablo Picasso

As a rule of thumb, if a character is already bizarre to begin with (for example, a talking french gorilla led by a disembodied brain who speaks through a radio), the MORRISON EFFECT will have a completely different outcome in them:

The brain is inside the black dude, by the way.

There isn't a love more pure than the one between a talking french gorilla and a disembodied brain who talks through a radio.

GRANT MORRISON ON BATMAN

The MORRISON EFFECT applies to The Bat-Man as well, of course. Does a man who dresses as a giant bat and shapes his weapons, tools, vehicles, and eating utensils in bat form (for no practical reason) qualify as "bizarre to begin with"? You be the judge.

THE BAT-MAN BEFORE MORRISON...

BO-RING

...THE BAT-MAN AFTER MORRISON

This is what happens when Alfred mixes colors in the washer.

Yes, that is the BAT-MITE floating behind the uncharacteristically flamboyant Bat-Man there. During his tenure as Bat-Writer, Morrison has brought back previously dismissed elements from Bat-Man's mythology such as The Bat-Men of All Nations, The Rainbow Bat-Man, Outer Space Bat-Man, Bat-Mite himself, and Bat-Man's illegitimate son with a ninja assassin... and HE HAS MADE THEM AWESOME.

In addition, Morrison has made Bat-Man do outrageous, unprecedented things like fight an army of Flying Ninja Man-Bats, die at the hands of an alien god, and date a black woman (Eartha Kitt doesn't count).

Superman is sad.

No, by alien god we didn't mean "Superman". He just found the body.

You can tell his best friend Superman is devastated. Meanwhile, his nanny Alfred has to get the corpse stench out of the costume soon...

"But I just washed this thing..."

Alfred ponders which detergent to use.

Dick Grayson (the former Robin) is currently Bat-Man, with Bruce Wayne's bastard ninja son for a sidekick. Since Morrison continues to be the writer, we expect the All-New Bat-Man to grow multiple ostrich heads out of his anus and fight intangible monkey pirates from Neptune any day now.

If you're wondering why the sky is green, you've never tasted acid.

The All-New Bat-Man and Robin fight psychotic oompa loompas in Morrison's Batman and Robin #3.

MORRISON ON HITLER

One of Grant Morrison's earliest works was "The New Adventures of Hitler", which depicts a young Adolf being terrorized by John Lennon and Morrissey, both of whom live in his closet.

Somehow, I always knew Morrissey was responsible for the Holocaust.

Morrissey wasn't very constructive in his criticism.

I feel that wallpaper is partly to blame, too.

A floating cat speaks from its anus to tell Hitler to shave.

A pretty tame story, compared to his later works, but one that undoubtedly served to gain the attention of Hitler-loving comic publishers like DC and Marvel.

...TO PAR-TY!

Superman takes his best pals on vacation.