English

This topic is dedicated to the strange and assorted details that surround the continuing development of the English language. Not to be confused with the Queen's English.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf(

Jane Austen: Proving that women are far better writers than men.

And by men I mean this guy

Just The Facts

  1. Due to the fact that English is a living language, change is inevitable...get used to it.
  2. The difference between a grammar nazi and a grammar conisuier is that the latter is not an asshole.
  3. No one should ever fail a personal essay...EVER. If I have to tell you why, then you don't have any business writing a personal essay in the first place.
  4. Allways remember kids: Superman does good, but you are doing well!
  5. The English language was invented by the Germans,and destroyed by the invention of the internet and the mobile phone. Lolz

History of the English Language

English developed as an off shoot of a language spoken by one of the many tribes of Germans ravaging the coasts of Britain, creating a tradition that would be reciprocated by English descendants to any one who is unfortunate enough to draw an English team in a sporting tournament. In the years to come it evolved, taking small parts of Old Norse and Latin until becoming what is known as 'Old English". This is not to be confused with the 'Ye Olde English' spoken at medieval fairs, whose users clearly have never been to the Middle Ages.

Less like this...

Less of this

And more like this...

More of this

Since then there have been various adaptations of the language, notably Scots (an actual dialect, so much so that it has to be subtitled on the BBC), American English (a notable loss of some grammar and the occasional 'u') and the various dialects of English inside England, the country accents being put into fantasy RPGs and people possessing the city-based dialects being put into gritty British reboots of American shows, see here.

Famous people that spoke in English

I'm not doing this... If you're really all that interested I seem to remember Teddy Roosevelt spoke it. That's all you really need to say here at Cracked.

Famous people that used the English language in inventive ways

Now this is interesting. There are literally thousands of great works written in the English language, great works, novels and films have been created using this language and its surrounding vernacular. However, the same can be said of almost every language on the planet, with the notable exception of lawyers, who have seemingly yet to grasp the concept that language does not have to only express what is very, very, obvious. So to make this easier the author will highlight one author, one playwright and one poet who represent the English language well.

Author: William Shakespeare

Playwright: Also William Shakespeare

Poet: If you haven't realized the pattern yet I may as well throw a few of Shakespeare's insults at you, you shrill voiced supplicant (note: I have no clue what it means).

Shakespeare is most often cited as the greatest writer in the English language, though the terms of why he deserves this honor are never really discussed (well they are, just by people smarter than us). He was not the most prolific writer, though "quantity does not equal quality", a mantra yet to be learned by Stephen Seagal. Neither was he the most successful, which might be reserved for J.K. Rowling. And though he was popular at the time, in terms of numbers Dan Brown will have outsold him many times over (damn you conspiracy-loving public, just leave the Catholic Church alone).

But, he was a very fine writer, and once every few years "someone" (an idiot, usually) will claim to have found his lost play. They're usually people looking for money who think that the font button on Microsoft Word is a pretty neat idea and want to see how far it can take them.

Hopefully down this:

Hopefully to the bottom of this

People who write badly

Now this is not aimed at people with dyslexia, but at people like William Topaz McGonagall. If you've heard of him, kudos to you. If you haven't, you're not missing out on much. One of his most well known works goes as follows:

Beautiful Railway Bridge of Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It's not great, is it? (understatement)

There are of course more people out there like McGonagall than there are like Shakespeare. I could name them, but I might as well just tell you that some of them are very popular (Stephanie Meyer, Ken Follet and Dan Brown, I'm looking squarely in your direction).