Tattoos
Tattoos are reverse time machines: with time travel you can send a warning back to your younger self, with tattoos you send a mistake forward to your older self.
Just The Facts
- Tattoos theoretically could be thoughtful additions to your appearance. Unfortunately there are thousands of tattoo parlors (many open 24 hours) and people just don't have that many thoughts. So most are stupid.
- Tattoos are permanent. Your motivation/blood-alcohol level is not.
- Tattoos are now as edgy as a padded watermelon.
Who gets tattoos?
Tattoos are an excellent way to turn a single drunken decision into a lifetime of disfigurement and regret, which normally requires a car. Tattoos are associated with criminal gangs, the armed forces, and whiny white teenagers desperate for attention. Attempts to get all three to attend a common "Tattoo Conference" have unfortunately failed.
What Your Tattoo Says About You
Before you get a tattoo
There are some important questions to ask before getting a tattoo:
- Have I wanted this for more than five minutes?
- Am I, at this particular instant in sidereal time, drunk off my face?
- Do the tattoo artist's past works resemble an art class for crash-helmet testers?
- I meet the love of my life. I romance them for months, reaching a point where we can communicate our very deepest emotions and feel that we almost share souls (awwww). At this point, can I see myself naked and explaining this tattoo?
Wow this was great. I don't think I will ever get a tattoo because hipsters have made having a tattoo as common as smoking cigs.
Replyit is true- the face and neck tats are almost certain giveaways that the person has been to jail/prison or will be there in a week or 2. can't even begin to count the number of times i have seen mugshots and the accused is covered with them. an excellent indicator of bad decision making and lowered intelligence.
ReplyTattoos are dumb.
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Replybelly tattoos are a bad idea for chicks because when they get pregnant that pretty butterfly turns into a disfigured bat. my tats are on my foot and lower leg. i can show it off in the summer and still cover them up for a job. i think about a tattoo for a few long months before i get them. and im picky about my artists because im going to make sure you know what your doing before you touch my body.i get them because i myself am an artist and i love putting art on my body. i would just stare at it for hours thinking about how beautiful it is when i first get it. that's how you know it was a good idea. i love my tattoos
Replynow with real tattoo accessory!
So when you sit there for hours staring at the tattoo on your lower leg, are you loving it upside-down? Or do you look in a mirror and just see it backwards?
Why is the belly tattoo a bad idea?
ReplyOne word: Twinkies.
Another word: Pregnancy (only applicable to females... I hope)
CrimsonThunder, kiskanak and Alstroemeria. This is for you. You are not smart enough to determine who is stupid, whether or not a tattoo is stupid, or whether anything in the entire world is stupid.
ReplyNeither am I, or the person who wrote this article, or the President or f-cking Ghandi or Albert Einstein.
No human is big enough in mind to call anything stupid, and the fact that you believe you are makes it pretty obvious that you are an arrogant, self-righteous sh-tbag just like the author.
Enjoy hating on everything for the rest of your bitter, condescending life.
To everyone reading this who is actually reasonable. Please take a moment to think about all the people who think YOU'RE stupid or what you do is STUPID. Don't be that guy to other people. The only person who has the right to call your actions stupid is YOU.
i dont know... the Darwin awards hold some weight...
Ever since I had my penis tattooed a nice shade of black, I've been getting free drinks from spoiled white girls with butterfly tramp stamps!
Replyso nice,
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Do you take it in the seat, my sweet??
"Faggy lameness"? I expect better from you.
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ReplyI'll grant you neck tattoos are a big job-killer, but there's no reason forearm tattoos would be. It's called long-sleeved shirts.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesEven the military allows forearm tattoos so long as they're 25% or less of the exposed area.
^Even the Marine Corps? I had a buddy in college who Van Gogh'ed his arms up before the Navy said exposed tattoos were against regulation.
The military won't allow any tattoo that's visible in uniform, and considering all the services have short-sleeve uniforms, nothing below the bicep is accepted.
I always wanted to get a tattoo of a penis on my penis, and within that penis is a tattoo of another penis, so that I can inception women by having sex with them.
Replyi'm sure you could twist that tattoo into some sort of kickass pickup line.
"Hey. Are you wide enough for 3 cocks at once?"
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spamtroll
I got a tattoo when I was 18, basically as soon as I was legally able to. It's small, on my hip, easily covered, etc etc. I'm 22 now, and I hate it. It's too small/unnoticeable to warrant getting it removed (can't afford it anyhow), but oh, how I wish I could talk to my younger self and tell her that she is not as edgy as she thinks she is. That s**t isn't comin off.
ReplyDare I ask what the tattoo is?
Pics or didn't happen.
hahaha...you should have read this Cracked post first, What Your Awful Font Choices Say About You. ALGERIAN!!...hahaha...f#ckhead...
ReplyUmmm..."faggy lameness?" Hard to believe Cracked allowed a f#cking homophobic as#hole to post this.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI have conferred with the Sacred Circle of Jerks, and they have decreed this to be an acceptable use of the word.
Seconded.
The Council on Unilaterally Negligent Technical Political Correctness convened on this issue, then conferred with the Sacred Circle of Jerks. No issue was found.
My Brother is gay. Seriously.
Eh...I find that the ankles/feet are often but not always "pretty princess" areas. Sometimes they're a better-looking alternative to the bicep tattoo.
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