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Tattoos

Tattoos are reverse time machines: with time travel you can send a warning back to your younger self, with tattoos you send a mistake forward to your older self.

Just The Facts

  1. Tattoos theoretically could be thoughtful additions to your appearance. Unfortunately there are thousands of tattoo parlors (many open 24 hours) and people just don't have that many thoughts. So most are stupid.
  2. Tattoos are permanent. Your motivation/blood-alcohol level is not.
  3. Tattoos are now as edgy as a padded watermelon.

Who gets tattoos?

Tattoos are an excellent way to turn a single drunken decision into a lifetime of disfigurement and regret, which normally requires a car.  Tattoos are associated with criminal gangs, the armed forces, and whiny white teenagers desperate for attention.  Attempts to get all three to attend a common "Tattoo Conference" have unfortunately failed.

What Your Tattoo Says About You

Before you get a tattoo

There are some important questions to ask before getting a tattoo:

  • Have I wanted this for more than five minutes?
  • Am I, at this particular instant in sidereal time, drunk off my face?
  • Do the tattoo artist's past works resemble an art class for crash-helmet testers?
  • I meet the love of my life.  I romance them for months, reaching a point where we can communicate our very deepest emotions and feel that we almost share souls (awwww).  At this point, can I see myself naked and explaining this tattoo?

Tattoos Articles

If Tattoos Actually Told The Truth   Submitted by: LukeMcKinney   |   Jun 12, 2009
Cracked readers tell you what tattoos tell you.
The 8 Most Horrific Body Modifications   Submitted by: LukeMcKinney   |   Jun 12, 2009
For when indelible doodles just aren't enough.


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Cracked Talk on | Tattoos

8 of 367 Comments

If you want a tattoo the trick is to spend at least a month thinking about it and planning where you want it etc. My personal opinion is that if you want to put something on your skin that is going to be as permanent as a tattoo it should have some sort of meaning.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 7/28/2010 2:04 AM
brdlva

I want a tattoo on my lower arm- i'd still be able to get a decent job provided I always wear something with long sleeves.

failing that, a bandage around that part of my arm whenever I have to work in hot weather.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/21/2010 1:45 AM
mcfreaki

why you stupid idiots judge people from how they look, are you saying that if u see someone in the street walking and have tattoo somewhere- is an idiot for you? Then you're not very bariny and probably got very low brain spins!
It's a free world and we can all do what we want we our own bodies, right ?

@ 3ntr0py you're such a prick...

5 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 6/20/2010 10:53 PM
SuzyFuks

No, you're not. You're in a world in which people have brains, and don't inject permanent poison into their bodies just to look uglier. I mean, there are a lot of other ways to look uglier if that's what you're looking for.

Posted on 6/21/2010 11:43 AM
kemoon

@SuzyFuks: Well, without even seeing you, I can tell that you are an unintelligent moron, whether or not you have tattoos. Judging from your misguided anger fest, I'm assuming you do. And don't bitch at me about body mods, either; I have seven piercings, all of which will heal up just fine when I need to get a respectable job.

Posted on 6/24/2010 12:42 AM
SpockChick13
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LukeMcKinney
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