Call Of Duty Assholes

Everyone loves to play Call of Duty multiplayer!But there are certain individuals who always manage to ruin it all. These assholes are always adapting their cheap arsenals with every new sequel of the franchise. Here are a few types of CoD assholes:

Captain Price is the man!!!

Just The Facts

  1. Call of Duty 3 sucked.
  2. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is probably the best FPS of all time.
  3. Captain Price is tha man

#1 The BunnyHopper

Mostly seen in the first two games of the series, the bunnyhoper was one of the first types of assholes the CoD player had to face. Usually carrying submachineguns, these douchebags managed to hop their way out of every corner of the game. If they were unable to kill you with their first burst of fire, the hop was quickly followed by quick tapping of the Ctrl key which put them in a prone position to allow for the coup-de-grace.

The impact of their dirty tactic was such, that game programmers created a mechanism that only allows you to make one full jump every few seconds. This contributed greatly to the almost extinction of the classic bunnyhopper from online matches.But don't think the threat is completely gone. There can always be one of these old bastards waiting around the corner.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 8

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 100

#2 The Bellyflopper

As mentioned above, the significant decrease in Bunnyhoppers led these to resort to other cheap moves of death. A close friend of the bunnyhopper, the bellyflopper is a player who at the sight of an enemy at close range will hit the floor like there's no tommorow and shoot you in the balls and legs until you realize it's time to "press F to respawn".

HOW TO KILL THEM:

Taking one of these mofos out can be very tricky and requires fast reflexes. A good shotgun shell to the face usually does the job.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 8

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 200

#3 The Sapper

One of the newest types of CoD a-hole the Sapper makes use of the C4, Bouncing Betty, and Satchel Charge to unleash destruction at close ranges not giving a fuck if he gets blown to pieces in the process.

This can be done in a variety of ways:

They will usually sprint, mine in hands, and circle around you until they can plant the device at which time limbs will fly everywhere and the both of you will die.

OR

If you're realoading and can only go for a knife or bayonet kill, the sapper will lure you with his singing and plant the device right before you stick that sweet blade up his throat. This usually means only you die.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 5

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 100

#4 The Rusher

So imagine yourself with a bolt action rifle, killing away in the fields. You are just one kill away from getting that badly needed artillery strike. Out of the blue you see a silhouette aproaching your position, one by one your teammates fall all around you. You are able to squeeze a shot to the chest of the individual only to see a red cross and BAM... you're dead.

You've been served by the Rusher. A product of CoD 4 and 5, the rusher makes use of the juggernaut (extra health) and extreme conditioning (extra stamina) perks to wreak havoc on your team. Like a John Rambo on cocaine this asshole will sprint towards your team's position armed with a submachinegun (Thompson or PSSH with round drum , MP5, P-90) or a MG and start a killing spree that will make the Omaha Beach landing scene in Saving Private Ryan look like a Care Bears episode . When he finally runs out of ammo, the rusher will resort to bayonet or knife dancing until someone puts one through his brain.

HOW TO KILL THEM:

The best ways to deal with a rusher is to use a bit of his own poison. Move around and when he reloads empty a full clip on the bastard and poke him with a bayonet for good measure. You never know when they might have Last Stand.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 9

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 400

#5 The Spawn Killer Camper

One of the things that most bothers CoD palyers is spawn points. Although improvements have been made in the last installment it is still a weakness that is probably implanted in the DNA of every FPS. And the world being as it is there will always be people ready to explore such weaknesses.

Meet the Spawn Killer Camper. This player will explore the most vulnerable moment of the game to rip you to shreds. Armed with a sniper rifle or a machine gun he'll find a perfect spot with good cover and excelent visibility to your team's spawn position.He'll pick you off one by one until you respawn again then shoot you again and so on.

HOW TO KILL THEM:

Go prone or sprint as soon as you respawn. Make it out of the killzone alive. Spot the shooter (use Killcam view if possible, everything should be done to balance the playing field). If he's in a house or bunker use a flamethrower to burn him alive. If you have a bazooka, go for a headshot. Find the most gruesome way possible to get rid of this scum.

The way Spawn killers should be handled

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 10

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 1000

#6The Martyr

Also a result of CoD 4 and 5, the martyr uses a perk that releases a live grenade when they are killed. Hated almost by everyone, the marty is the trademark of the noob CoD player. Their mentality is that of a total asshole. Imagine you've just sprinted all the way and stabbed one of these SOBs to death and all of a sudden the grenade danger indicator comes up. You're out of breath, out of reach to throw the grenade away, you've been shot and have very little health left. As a last measure you jump but as soon as you're in the air the grenade goes off and your maimed body is propelled through the air. You were one kill away from getting your dogs or helicopter."Press F to respawn"

The worst of all is when you're not the person who killed the marty and get caught in the blast as you're sprinting from one position to another.

HOW TO KILL THEM:

Long range is the key to marty slaying. Using a high caliber sniper rifle (Barret .50 or PTRS-41) to ensure mutilation is preferable. Show no mercy.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 10++

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 800

#7 The Noob Tuber

The reason to hate these types of players is simple. They make use of the cheapest weapon in the CoD arsenal: the grenade launcher!

It requires no skill to shoot. No accuracy either. It's blast can kill you instantly if you're standing nearby. It has almost no realoading time. Thank god they only have two rounds... wait... Why the fuck do they have two rounds?!?!?

Chances are you'll always find one of these noobs tubing away having fun as they snipe you with a grenade.

HOW TO KILL THEM:

Shorting the distance between you and the Noobtuber is the only chance you have. Get up close and personal with him. If he manages to shoot chances are the round will swish by you or kill both of you. Once you're on the inside turn that fucker into swiss cheese.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 15

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 900

#8 The Complainer

Last but not least is the complainer. This guy wants to make sure you know he's there and that he doesn't want to be.Always complaining about the game, how the most recent in the series is worse than the last one and how much better he is at that one.He can act by typing or using the microphone, but one thing is certain: once it starts it never stops.

HOW TO KILL THEM:

If he's typing his messages find him when he is writting one and stab him to death, or stick a grenade on him. Type in a few STFU's.After this make sure to kick him out of the game because he's just taking up player spots. Everyone will thank you.

LEVEL OF DOUCHEBAGERY: 20

KILL POINTS AWARDED FOR TAKING ONE OUT: 10000 + Medal of Honor

Despite being a pain in the ass, killing these players is a great joy once you get the hang of it and this definetely adds to the Call of Duty experience. Now let's see what new modalities of asshole Modern Warfare 2 will bring