Obama (A Love Story)

aka Too Much Obsession with Mr. Obama?

But Seriously Folks, What Has He Accomplished?

It was almost a good day at work. I was suckered into working a Friday evening shift, which is the equivalent of being the first solider to charge out of the trenches into the firing ranges of machine guns and any other lethal weapon you could envision. I surprisingly lucked out. A couple of customers only showed up one at a time, I was able to joke around with my fellow coworkers, and to top it all off, a massage therapist was giving out free fifteen-minute massages to anyone who wanted one. Needless to say, after a couple of hours at work, I was in bliss...that is until I walked into my break room to catch the recent events on America's favorite celebrity news station, CNN. I read the headlines on the bottom of the screen that read in medium white text, "Obama to Receive Nobel Peace Prize." My first reaction was that of a gorilla being given a foreign object: a lot of head scratching. Instantly I jumped on the nearest computer with Internet access; researching why our beloved president received such a prestigious award. As I read the accumulated facts, everything that was beautiful about my Friday shift began to turn to ash. I could feel the veins in my temples throb; the muscles in my body became tenser than before my massage treatment, my right eye twitched uncontrollably, my blood began to boil, and it didn't end there. Apparently, the rage inside of me was a catalyst of a transformation of my physical genetic code. In short, I began to change dramatically. The metamorphosis began with my skin changing to a rougher, greyer tissue. My fingers and toes stuck together, as my arms and legs grew wider and wider like the size of tree trunks. My eyes and ears became bigger and bigger. My nose grew longer and longer, and as soon as my two upper canines became like two branches sticking out my mouth, I looked in the mirror to realize the beast I had become...

...and in my new form, I glanced back over to the computer monitor, grabbed it with my newly developed nose, hurled it at the television, and mustered the only word that could sum up the council's decision for awarding Obama the Nobel Peace prize award: bullsh*t. Complete, and utter bullsh*t. I couldn't care less whether or not this was a slap in the face of the previous president, but this is definitely a question of how much ego do we need to feed Obama. Is this Obama's fault? Of course not, Obama was doing his usual routine of frolicking through the fields, picking flowers, and singing to all the little woodland creatures about peace and change. Maybe I'm overreacting. MAYBE. Yet I can't help but take note on the fact that certain people (not just in the USA) have fallen in love with Obama: this love being the equivalent of a pudgy, 13 year old girl's obsession with the Twilight Saga. Don't believe me? Well feast your eyes on this:

If I was Obama, I'm not sure whether I should feel embarrassed or create a restraining order for people in charge of these ads. But hold on a second, I think we're on to something here. Our obsession over Obama could pull us out of this depression. If we all fall in love with Obama, and buy the cheap crap that celebrates his election into office, we could put the economy back on track. What? We're not that crazy about Obama? Really? Ta-da!

Oh my God! Obama killed a fly! Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. You want impressive? How about if as soon as Obama killed the fly, a team of ninjas jumped down from the ceiling, lead by Osama bin Laden. Obama takes them on in a one-against-all brawl: filled with Obama dodging ninja stars, cutting people in half with a samurai sword, and at the end, Obama would be standing on top of a pile of ninja corpses, with only Osama left. Cue ultimate showdown. Once Obama impales Osama with the American flag on a sharp pole, Obama smiles, winks at the camera, and continues on with the interview like nothing had happened. THAT would be cool, but no. No, instead the news stations celebrate Obama killing a fly, because they have nothing else better to do than to increase their ratings. It could be worse. We could be treating Obama like he's some big shot celebrity, and display half naked pictures of him on magazines. People can't be that obsess--

--it could be a whole lot...oh no--

--oh God damn it! What is wrong with you people?! Obama is a politician who was elected to presidency. That's it! Did I also mention that Obama is a politician? You've must have heard some politician jokes now and then (punch line: "And Satan asks, 'Damn, where can I find a politician?'") Do I hate Obama? Oh come now people, I don't hate Obama, it's just that you've taken this obsession with him a little too far. Permit me to list Mr. Obama's accomplishments thus far:

  • 1st African American President

Very Nobel Peace prize worthy indeed. What do you mean I'm lying? I definitely have a problem with Obama? As I said before, I do not hate Obama. I think it's about high time we had an African American in the office, and yes, he does have a charming personality. However, when Obama was told he would receive the Nobel Peace prize, he "humbly" accepted the award and decided to donate the $1.4 million prize money to charity. Don't have a problem with that? You bet your sweet ass I do! One of the nominations was a man in China who dedicated his life building schools so children could receive education instead of becoming whores. If I were in Obama's shoes, I would have been so touched by this story and had no other choice but to give the award to this noble man in China (and maybe tell the prize committee to stop nominating people when they're high.) Obviously this wasn't enough for the REAL Obama because the real Obama is still accepting the medal. Smart move to get rid of the money, but I can smell narcissism a mile away and trust me, this is drenched in it. Obama will probably use this opportunity of the spotlight to once again sing to the world about hope and change until we're all hugging and kissing each other. How romantic.

There are two things happening right now: 1) the Nobel Peace prize is starting to become (or has become) nothing more than a sham. It is less meaningful and more political. So instead of receiving some honorable, miraculous award, it's more like getting one of those plastic coins you find at the bottom of a cereal box. So go ahead and pat yourselves on the back Nobel Peace Prize Committee, you've just lost the world's respect and ruined yourselves for the next some odd years. 2) We as the world are witnessing nothing more but the apotheosis of Obama. Very soon the liberal congressmen will create Obama Day as a federal holiday in the year 2011. I say 2011 because Hollywood has confirmed the world will end in 2012, and anything Hollywood says is true. Even after Obama is done with his second term, people will still want to hold him in office for another year because he is the savior. Hate to break it to you folks, but Obama hasn't saved the world so I wouldn't celebrate just yet...oh wait, you already have. People, it's time to wake up, we need to realize that Obama is just one man in charge of our country. This unhealthy condition of creating a celebrity out of our President isn't going to change anything, nor will he get you a date for the senior ball.

Incidentally, I'd like to predict next year's Nobel Peace Prize winner:

It just wouldn't be complete if our good friend Moore didn't receive some big prize for his educational films.