Sonic; Blue Blur or ADHD?

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Just The Facts

  1. Sonic was started on June 23, 1991.
  2. The Blue Blur has had a Brown streak of video games in recent years.
  3. Sonic has had 3 shows and a movie. 2 of aforementioned shows were awesome. So was the movie.

The Beginning of Sonic the Hedgehog...

The beginning of Sonic was on June 23, 1991, when Sonic the Hedgehog was released. It was supposed to be a revolution of speed, and it succeeded. Sonic the Hedgehog had numerous zones that to this day I cannot complete. So don't ask me anymore about it. I died an innumerable amount of times. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is the best selling sega game of ALL TIME. It introduced Miles "Tails" Prower, Super Sonic, and gave us the revolutionary concept of the "Spin dash."

Awwwwwwwwww Yeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhh!

There were an astonishing 11 zones of ball busting platforming. Sonic and Tails the flying mutant fox go an adventure to stop the evil Dr.Robotnik to save their planet of Mobius. The manual states that (I kid you not) the game story starts after sonic explores West Side Island. 99.9% of My audience probably thought "WEST SIIIIIIIIIIIDE!" after seeing that. Sonic 3 was then Back to the article where we discuss Dr. Ivo Robotnik...

yay. a fat scientist with a small robotic chicken. or a fat pirate with a suped up parrot if you're into that stuff.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik gets his first name from the latin word "Ovi" meaning Egg. More on why in the world he would be named that if he's now known as Dr. Eggman later. Dr. Robotnik actually changed his name because of his Evil change. His original name was Julian Kibnotor. Read Kibnotor backwards and you'll understand where Robotnik came from. Robotnik had an Abusive Father. I S*** you not. He originally had a nephew named Snively. Oh-He has a brother-Colin JR! Anyway, Dr. Robotnik evil change ties into...

...Sonic's Origins!

Sonic the hedgehog was originally a brown hedgehog that could run at about 733 mile an hour...

...With a Mohawk. He eventually met a scientist on his home planet Mobius named JULIAN KIBNOTOR. You can see the snowball starting down hill here. Anyhow, Dr.Kibnotor was perfectly normal at this time and took an interest to his new friend's super speed. He even gave him Customized shoes that would accelerate him about 35 miles per hour faster. No big whoop until you realize that 733+35=768 MPH a.k.a. THE SPEED OF F****** SOUND!!! Despite Dr. Kibnotor's (Late but fair) warning, Sonic created a sonic boom that destroyed Dr.Kibnotor's lab and turned him BLUE. Dr.Kibnotor did not go into a sonic-hating rage at this point, though. He actually was happy to see his friend was still alive. The shock of the aformentioned sonic boom made him hungry. Unfortunately, the only thing he had was a carton of a single rotten egg. On his mystical quest to the dump, he tripped on some wires and ELECTROCUTED HIMSELF. This somehow fused him with the egg and turned him into a literal Rotten egg. Which also involved prostetic limbs somehow. This made him evil and set in motion the scourge of Robotnik.

Super Sonic Stupidity.

Most of us know by now that buying a sonic game will result in 3 things: Anger, Frustration, and awesome music. The new Sonic team likes to think that all video gamers are retarded. BAD SONIC TEAM! BAD!


The recent StH games (which is dangerously close to STD...) Have sucked so bad, they draw in light. What, you thought the light dash was just an ability? Not even Sonic can escape the black hole the franchise has fallen into. Though in case you didn't know, here's the list of the S&%#Storm.

-Sonic '06-

DEAR GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR BRINGING THIS UP FORM THE FIERY PITS OF WHERE IT BELONGS! You see, they tried to make a multi-story game, like Sonic Adventure 1&2, With Sonic, Shadow, and newcomer Silver. However, I can't explain what was so terrible... Oh yeah, it's UTTER UNPLAYABILITY. Oops, slipped of the Edge/Cliff/Large expanse of land. Sonic apparently can go from 5 to 60 in 1 second. right off the Edge/Cliff/Large expanse of land. What about Shadow's game play? SSDP (Same Stuff Different Play.) With armed vehicles. Think it's like Shadow the Hedgehog for GC? So did I, until I played it. What about Silver the Psychic Hedgehog? S.S.D.P. The only fun part was throwing cars. At monsters. Wanna challenge yourself? Shell out 160 MS points for Hard and Very Hard mode. Please Sega, just stab me. Then I can experience all the fun with none of the time! This was the first game I got for my 360, too. I dealt with it for 2 weeks before I got another game. I know this games horrors.

-Sonic Unleashed-

"WTF? I played the demo! The game looks so AWESOME! How could you say that?" You may say. You know what's not in the demo? The 'Were-Hog' gameplay. God of War for kids? More like being his punching bag. At least, maybe the china level may have spoiled my view... The day level's Kick A**. Seriously. That's why I look forward to Sonic Colors. (See my Preview anaylsis later... Maybe.) But at night, You should probably jump into the core of the shattered earth. End it now. Like me with this game description.

-Sonic and The Secret Rings-

This game has everything! except easily going in reverse. But, it does have the chance to break your console! (WTF SEGA. IF I PUT IT IN, IT STARTS TO BREAK DOWN AGAIN. I HAD TO SEND IT TO GET FIXED. In the words of Djy1991 (which happens to be the year Sonic was released in America) WAT THE FUH MAN?) But in all honestly, I loved this game and it's leveling up.

-Sonic and The Black Knight-

Nope, I was wrong, It was missing swords.

-Sonic Adventure 2 Battle-

Well look at thi... Wait, WTF is this doing here? This was epic, man. go buy it for GC.

The Good Old days,

Ah, yes, I can remember when first got sonic... Wait... I was born in 1996... HOW DID I GET A SEGA GENSIS WITH SONIC 1-3? Oddly enough, Sonic 1 was the first game I ever played. EVER. I can't tell you much about sonic 1, seeing as even now, I can't beat it. but I can tell you about Sonic 2.

-Sonic the Hedgehog 2-

Oh man, I can remember it now. The Emerald hill to the Metropolis (I never beat it, what can I say? I was 5.) was the one of the coolest gaming worlds ever. I can't believe I game over'd on a level so close to the finish. Good thing I bought it on Xbox live. Greatest use of 400 MS points on record. (P.S. I believe it's now 240) I can remember passing through Emerald hill as fast as possible.