Samuel L Jackson

Samuel L. Jackson is an American film and stage actor. But he is the most bad ass mother fucker of all time. But with all the internet thinking Chuck Norris is the shit. We got to knock this fact into some bitches heads that Samuel is the shit.

Tell your mom and your friend�s mom thanks for tongue massaging my dick.

#5 Soul Men (2008)

Ok so basically you got Samuel Jackson and Bernie Mac team up. Already sounds good and both where back up singers in a three-man soul band. But shit happens so they broke up and while the lead singer got famous by himself. The Mac man got somewhat rich and decided to move in the rich suburbs to fuck the other neighbors seriously. While Jackson decided to say fuck the easy life I'm Samuel L Jackson bitch and lived in the ghetto with hatred towards his ex band mates. Until the lead singer died and Jackson and Mac team up to go to their dead friend's funeral. Sounds awesome right?

Isaac Hayes agrees so you should too.

How does the movie make him a bad ass?

Well first off in this movie he can still whoop some body's ass. Second he has sweet ass ride. Third he doesn't need to pop some viagra to show some women how awesome he is when it comes to some rough black sex. Just ask Sara Erikson if you know whose she even is, and he could've had a three way with a toothless Jennifer Coolidge and her huge over sized watermelons, but he was just feeling generous to Bernie Mac so he gave him the gift of her ass.

Hey this is awesome�wait where's your teeth?

Shit his money and credit card is rejected from every freaking hotel imaginable because it's very likely he trashed the whole building while screwing five chicks. One of them being your mom and guess what she enjoyed it. Then finally tried to do his daughter, knocked out Mac's ass for not telling him sooner he was trying to sex up his own daughter, hid in the coffin of his dead friend with Bernie Mac, stole his ring back from his dead friend, intimidated the cops long enough to do his little song, and then got out jail free with out needing a lawyer! Now that's at a level a little higher than Chuck Norris. On the awesome scale and he wasn't even trying to be the fucking shit!

You know you're a bad ass if motel six wants your ass to stay out.

#4 The Man (2005)

Well first off this is the first time I've seen a title of a movie that actually delivered what it was called. And shit Jackson is the man so is Eugene Levy he's fucking Stiffler and the ladies man, and any nerd would like to have the honor to learn from the master of pick up, and sex up on da first night. Anyway the movie starts off with Levy being a dentist. Really�this movie sounds retarded already might as well trade-in for something better. Oh shit wait Levy pissed and he's got a gun ready to hold a diner up!

He's not scared, this is the look of a fucking psychotic bad ass

Nope just kidding it seems after Jackson whoops Levy's ass up. He then realizes that Levy was just mistaken for a criminal and after Levy forgives Jackson because he knows Jackson's style is fuck up first then question later and, they team up to make the most epic duo ever!

Team Oreo is gonna kick your ass.

How does the movie make him a bad ass?

Well first off the first scene that shows the best bad ass ever in action shows him shooting down a motherfucker while trying to run his ass over with a sweet ass ride that any lady would want to get ass mounted on�at the same time. And his informant Booty who is his bitch is named after the part of the lady we always want to grab and ram up on. He also beats the shit out of his dentist friend, the dumb fuck who mixed Levy for his boss's customer, and all the people who got in his way when they were just trying to get the hell out.

Hmmm�you don't look like the guy. Oh well its not like Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie.

He also threatens to shoot the mother fucking dentist just because he told him to "curve" the use of fuck. He also convinces a douche bag crime lord that he is going to screw over the cops to get some dough, even though he's fibbing. He can also tell if you're wired, which nobody can do. He also took a bullet in his ass without crying or passing out take that 50-cent.

He may be bullet proof, but his career isn't.

And was able to go to an airport with a bullet in his ass. Go through a metal detector with it ringing and was able to pin it on a white guy while avoiding a cavity search. Now that's badass, but that's only 40% badass.

Wow they searched you that hard it's a good thing I blamed it on you.

#3 Pulp Fiction (1994)

Okay it's a Quentin Tarantino film so you know it's bloody and awesome. But have that mixed with some Jackson in it. And the baby you get is pulp fiction. Now for the lot of you that have seen pulp fiction which is everyone who matters are probably typing up a hateful three paged long assed hate filled comment calling me a fag, dip shit, or anything that came to mind for not having pulp fiction as number one. And even being more outraged that I would put Snakes on a plane as number one. Well to save my self the trouble of typing up a comeback for each individual comments to make each one unique and special. Go fuck yourself. All right enough getting off subject for those of you who haven't seen Pulp Fiction it has no specific story line, but it's about three different events that happen in the movie to the main characters. One was Jackson and Travolta killing a motherfucker after reading a line out of the bible because he insulted their crime boss. They then get into trouble after kidnapping a witness and blowing his head up in their car and getting it cleaned up at his friend house almost fucking up their marriage. Then after that event a boxer is feeling for the borders of New Mexico after fucking up a blacker than black crime lord's plan to get a lot of cash to spend on some ass. What happens next? Let's just say someone gets butt raped by a cop and a gun shop owner. Then one more event, which I won't spoil. Because I don't want to be the reason why your lazy ass didn't rent this marvelous movie.

Does this article look like a bitch?

How does the movie make him a bad ass?

Well besides that wall of text. Hell of a lot more. First off he doesn't get raped or killed in this movie. He was able to leave the crime gang without some men on his ass because he was the best employee there. He ate another man's burger and fries without getting slapped. Shit and the milkshake too. He made some pussy cry while making him cry like a bitch. Unknowingly made "does Marsellus look like a bitch," one of the best culture reference of all time. Made the bible the deadliest weapon of all time. Blew someone's head off without pulling the trigger or even thinking about it (he was driving). Drove a car with a bunch of fucking blood in it past the cops without getting arrested.

Shit dude next time you feel like blowing someone's head off without your hand on the gun warn me.

And stopped a hold up in a diner without using a gun or knocking the shit out of someone. Now these feats may be the most impressive that he's done, but there were few of them so that's why it's number three!

Damn it how come Jackson couldn't get rapped?

#2 Snakes on a plane (2006)

Okay so now people are pissed off because either, A. Pulp Fiction was beaten by Snakes on a plane or B. Snakes on a plane came in second place. To which I once again say to all the haters who are planning to waste a mere fucking thirty seconds just to flame me. To which I say once again go fuck your self.

He agrees with me� now quit annoying him.

Okay now for those of you who haven't seen snakes on a plane. It's about a douche bag rich pretty boy teen that is probably fucking your girl since he's hotter than you. Witnessed a dose of reality when he saw a famous Chinese gang killed somebody. And since he's testifying he knows he's screwed. So the FBI does a favor for him by having their top agent protect him. In other word Jackson is in the building and you know he's the cock blocker of Chinese mob crime lords when just utter the words "Do as I say or you die." So of course the mob's leader doesn't want to fuck with Jackson in person. So he takes the pussy way out by having a bunch of snakes high as Doug Benson destroy the plane. So of course when the plane takes off to a certain altitude the snakes get out and the only way they got out into the plane to kill some was by getting out of a hole of a missing smoke detector that some blonde chick with good looking titties removed because she wanted some cock.

This was the only close to appropriate picture of the scene I could find the rest had tits.

How does the movie make him a bad ass?

Well besides being the FBI top agent there's a lot more. He was able to take on a bunch of fucking snakes with one hand. He didn't get bit or anything by the snakes because they couldn't touch that shit! He saved everyone with one fucking bullet. Was able to save an airplane from crashing with just one guy who has too much time on his hands to play psp and jack off. And he's the first and only to save a plane from an attack while being in the attacked plane. And most important of all he shot a white person, but not any white person the one he was suppose to be protecting and got away with it.

What do you mean I was trying to save him?

Now some of you may be think wait he forgot one thing his famous line. Well no I didn't in fact "I'm tired of these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane." Is the reason why this movie got second because that line was the best sentence ever created in the whole fucking universe. But with all great things it got overused the fuck out of it, and the shit got old and stupid. I mean just look�

Wow that's original except that its not even fun and you got the pulp fiction Jackson.

Looks like a kid with a booner for snakes made this

Wow this kid must have a really huge one

Okay this is funny except David Blaine is on there

Getting close everyone hates strawberry except it needs more originality

Shit man there we go three hours of searching through crap and we got a ringer.

See how annoying it was. So Snakes on a plane got beat by this.

#1 Star Wars episodes 1-3 (1999, 2002, 2005)

Okay so it's three movies combined, but it's Samuel L freaking Jackson. So due to the laws of Bad Ass these movies are being combined into one. So yes Snakes lost to George Lucas how sad. But for those who aren't one with the force. Star Wars episodes one through three are about Skywalker and all the events that lead to the future world of his son. Where he's Vader and the empire rules and only Yoda and Luke are the only Jedi's left. So where does Jackson fit in here. Well Jackson was Mace Windu and Windu was the most powerful and bad ass Jedi of all time. And if Anakin wasn't in there Star Wars would be about Windu killing Palpatine's ass.

How does the movie make him a bad ass?

Well add everything from his four past movies n00b. In this movie he can still whoop some body's ass. Second he has sweet ass ride. Third he doesn't need to pop some viagra to show some inter species women how awesome he is when it comes to some rough black sex. Shit his money and credit card is rejected from every freaking asteroid hotel imaginable because it's very likely he trashed the whole building while screwing 10 hot looking aliens. One of them being your mom and guess what she enjoyed it. Tried to do his fellow jedi daughter, knocked out a jedi's ass for not telling him sooner he was trying to sex up his own jedi daughter, hid in the space coffin of his dead friend with Yoda, stole his saber back from his now dead enemy, intimidated the droids long enough to unleash his ass whooping on all of them, and then got out jail free with out needing a space lawyer because he never got caught! Also the first scene that shows the best bad ass ever in action shows him shooting down a motherfucker with the force while trying to run his ass over with a sweet ass ride that any lady would want to get ass mounted on�at the same time. And his informant who beats he beats the shit out of for info who is his bitch is named after the alien word that means the part of the lady we always want to grab and ram up on. Yes the ass for some who never got a girl. He also beats the shit out of his clone trooper friend, the dumb fuck who mixed the trooper for his boss's spy, and all the people who got in his way when they were just trying to get the hell out of the battle.

Okay who wants their ass severed over easy by Samuel L. motherfucking Jackson?

He also threatens to shoot the mother fucking alien with info on the sith just because he told him to "curve" the use of fuck. He also convinces a douche bag crime lord alien that he is going to screw over the guys who screwed the crime lord over, even though he's fibbing cause he hypnotized his ass with the force. He can also tell if you're wired, which nobody can do especially with microscopic alien tech shit. He also took a bullet in his ass without crying or passing out take that futuristic 50-cent. And was able to go to a droid base with a bullet in his ass. Go through a metal detector with it ringing and was able to fuck up every mother fucker in their with Yoda. He doesn't get raped or killed in this movie it may look like, but all that happen was that he said fuck that shit I need a bigger paycheck to deal with this emotional bullshit. So he made it look like his hand got chopped off and got pushed off to fall to his certain death so he could go to our time and take a vacation in Hawaii.

Who wants to learn how to use a light saber? My treat!

He was able to leave the Jedi Council without some men on his ass because he was the best Jedi and nobody wanted to fuck with him besides they thought he died. He ate another man's alien food without getting slapped. Shit and the alien drink too. He made some pussy cry like a bitch. Unknowingly made Windu the best Internet meme of all time. Made the light saber the deadliest weapon of all time. Blew someone's head off without pulling the trigger or even thinking about it. Drove an alien hovercraft with a bunch of fucking dead droids in it past the sith without getting spotted. Stopped a hold up in a base without using a gun or knocking the shit out of someone. And besides being the Council's top agent there's a lot more. He was able to take on a bunch of fucking droids, and droid snakes with one hand. He didn't get bit, cut or anything by the siths because they couldn't touch that shit! He saved everyone with one fucking saber. Was able to save an alien airplane thingy from crashing with just one guy who has too much time on his hands to play alien cruiser simulator and jack off. And he's the first and only to save an alien airplane thingy from an attack while being in the attacked spacecraft. One of the most important thing of all he fucked up the highest authority in power, but not any person in the highest power it was the person the Jedi Council was suppose to protect and got away with it. And his light Saber was Purple so you know he was the biggest bad ass. Yes a few of the above in this huge wall of text may not be true, but fuck it as long as we all know one thing. That Mr. Jackson is a lot and by a lot I mean as much stars there are in the fucking Milky Way a lot more bad ass, tougher, and stronger than Chuck Norris.

No not him. He's just crazy!

And shit if he's not the biggest bad ass then let it be Bruce Lee who I might add had lunch with Mr. Jackson. So there you go motherfuckers proof that Samuel mother fucking L. balls shattering Jackson. Is the biggest bad ass ever.

What the fuck did you say? If you want to live right now you better say I'm the biggest bad ass.

Those 5 movies show how much a bad ass he is.