Types Of Alien Encounter
In 1972 ufologist Dr J. Hyneck classified three types of alien encounter: sighting, evidence of an encounter, and contact with animate beings. Milla Jovovich stars in a current movie about "The Fourth Kind", abduction. Now we turn it up to Eleven.
Just The Facts
- Many people are searching for intelligent extraterrestrial life.
- The people using equipment and evidence haven't found any.
- The others have found enough to fill five trailer parks.
Alien Abduction Explained
People wonder why aliens, with all their advanced technology, seem so set on forcing that technology into the unwilling orifices of unattractive humans. It's simple: we've only had the internet for forty years and there are already videos of goats and midgets in unholy arrangements on there. Star-spanning aliens hundreds of years ahead of us have to find and violate three new species a day just to provide content.
Alien Weaknesses
Water: How crazy would you have to be to land on a planet where seventy-five percent of the surface and stuff that falls from the sky can kill you? Mel Gibson-crazy, and that's pretty crazy.
Flu: A useful deus ex mucosa, but the revelation that our big guns are less effective than stuff inadvertantly coming out of our own bodies is a crushing blow to the male ego.
Will Smith: Devastating, but if they distract him with a small child and instructions to go for an Oscar we'll be left defenseless.
Flamethrowers: Actually, this works on everything. We should probably start with these.
"Flu: A useful deus ex mucosa, but the revelation that our big guns are less effective than stuff inadvertantly coming out of our own bodies is a crushing blow to the male ego."
ReplyOr is it?
"Self destruct devices indicate extremely poor losers"
ReplyMade my day!
The author forgot about old people music, it makes thier heads explode...
ReplyAm I the only one who thinks that those aliens f*****g around with us are teenager aliens drunk on alien booze who took their parents' spaceships and f**k around with less developed species just as we do with other dumber-than-us species?
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesIt makes more sense than the idea that they want to "study us". Human teens mess around with animals and nature, alien teens mess around with humans. Makes sense, actually....
makes some sense, but that would mean assuming cultures are similar.
(cool idea though)
Some alien's are going to get their asses grounded
There's a theory that states that most sentient alien lifeforms are probably pretty alike (assuming there are any). The idea is that they would need to have certain characteristics such as hands (as in, fingers and thumbs), and a skeletal structure (among other things to develop civilization. I don't remember the the name, but some google can fix that.
That theory seems indicative of a complete lack of imagination.
independence day was directed by roland emmerich, not michael bay
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNo but transformers is directed by Michael Bay, and that is what the writer is referring to.
Idiot.
I don't remember Transformers being particularly landmark-destructive. Independence Day, on the other hand...
I realize the time line is wrong, but the most recent one took a lot of joy in beating the s**t out of downtown Chicago. "Landmark?" Probably not...
aleeonz dont wunt eerth wee iz ratorted
Replyjest luk et howw i tieyp
wy wud thea went thes
i make them eat tofu dipped in miso on a stick
WHAT THE HOLY JESUS BATMAN IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!
wf yu tkng bt mn wth n nns
..Not everyone who has claimed to have been abducted or witnessed activity they described as alien has been a drunk redneck.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThat's ridiculous. Everybody knows there's no such thing as a sober redneck.
I see what you did there...
SeanKlapperich, you made me laugh more than this whole article
on what catagory in the scale would district 9 fall on
Replycolonization and later racisim
"Deus ex mucosa" ... Sweet Jeebus on a shoestring! Funniest thing I've read in weeks ...
ReplyI'm assuming "Michael Bay" is just a genre term, because of the explosions. You're probably well aware that Independence Day was directed by Roland Emmerich.
ReplyRoland Emmerich and Michael Bay are two different people? I thought that it was one insane guy and his alter ego.
Jesus, where on Earth does it say or imply that Michael Bay directed independence day?
It doesn't, you've put a picture of the White House being hit by an Alien laser with the last point on the picture and said to yourself, "Oh em geez wat iz he talkingz abut?"
If you weren't completely and fantastically retarded it would of been blatantly obvious the writer is talking about Transformers, which was nothing more than an hour and a half of CGI masturbation.
ahh,no one knows that the ufos are aliens from some other place.so pointing out why would they come a billion miles just to meet a redneck is a dumb presumption, because no one knows whats going on with the ufos. maybe they are demons or angels, s**t, if jesus would have met one he would have figured it to be a demon encounter. and another thought,when one of our scientists grabs a hamster out of the cage for an experiment, he doesn't know or care whether he got the "cool" hamster, or the dumb hick hamster.Still, I guess it was kind of funny, though very short in length.There are more than 4 kinds of "close encounters", but damn if i cant recall the rest. I'm more of a haunted house fan than a ufo alien fan.
ReplyDude, haunted houses are awesome!
The term UFO refers to an Unidentified Flying Object. UFO does not mean alien. If the object is on the ground, it's no longer flying. If you know what it is, it's no longer unidentified. That makes it an O. Also, your punctuation makes me wanna cry.
I loved the 7th one, that's the one I wish were true.
ReplyI think in Battlefield Earth they used 1000 year old harrier jets that amazingly still worked. Must have but some awesome fuel stabilizer in them... oh and they learned in three days how to fly them on 1000 year old flight simulators that still had working hydraulics. US military technology is amazing, no way any aliens would be stupid enough to go up against us.
ReplyI'm so glad that you mentioned "alcoholic" as a requirement for getting abducted. Coincidentally, my crazy aunt tells me stories she hears from alcoholics who say they've encountered aliens.
ReplyYou forgot "F-18 Hornets" for alien weaknesses. For some reason, they beat an intergalactic armada in Independence Day. Also, I saw them in the previews for Battlefield Earth, although I didn't watch that piece of shite.
Replyhttp://www.NiceJulia.com/?id=213944
Reply"The Fourth Kind" sucked balls, that's all I have to say.
ReplyThis is almost funny. Congratulations, you could have written for Cracked magazine. Oh wait, yeah...
Replywe've had the internet for forty years??
Replyanyway, this is real f uc king funny.
http://damnyouwoman.com/emo-chicks/2/?id=buwp4qlu
Reply