My Super Sweet 16

Short of stabbing yourself in the eyeballs with rusty forks, MTV's 'My Super Sweet 16' is THE most fun you can have whilst wishing you were somewhere else. &&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') !=

Just not enough effort darling

Just The Facts

  1. Approximately 99.99% of children featured on MSS16 are not aware of the concept of "no."
  2. MSS16 presents first-hand evidence that money IS everything.
  3. Sometimes a wholesome evening at LaserQuest with 5 mates just isn't enough.

The Premise

Fresh from the dirty-faced, wide-eyed innocence of childhood, a selection of teenagers with inappropriately wealthy parents are about to turn 16, and they're going to do it in style goddammit, at any cost (to their parents' wallets and sanity.) And what a more fitting way to reward them for the selfless deed of throwing a massive celebration of all their worldly achievements than to give them the privilege of being beamed into the homes of many an envious pre-teen while they do it?

I beleive the chidren are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way...

My Super Sweet 16, like a lot of other mainstream media, has its roots deep in teaching our children the acceptable moral conduct of westernised society. Children who eat their Lucky Charms out of Fabergé eggs on a morning can be seen expressing to their parents the 'pressure' they are under to throw the most fabulous party their school has ever seen, and how their lives will 'be over' should the washed-up star everyone is expecting not be in attendance. Daddy's pen hovers undecided above his chequebook for a moment or two before he realises that of course, his children should never be made to suffer the humiliation of not having Pit Bull letch over their disturbingly naive friends.

A must-have for your underage daughter's party

Perfect for your underage daughter's party

Occasionally a modest request for fire poi elephants or break-dancing dwarves is denied. The inclusion of such a novelty is clearly paramount to the occasion, and the child will impress the importance upon their parents accordingly, usually through the medium of screams that would make you want to rip off your own ears. With a few slamming doors thrown in there for good measure.

The viewer is left feeling they have learned a valuble lesson: if someone doesn't want to do something, scream louder until they do.

Recipe for Success

1 parent of ridiculous wealth

1-3 attention whores children whose chief ambition is to 'leak' a sex tape and become overnight tabloid fodder

1 outfit which retails similarly to a Lexus

Up to 5 party planners, depending on how many take their own lives during the extensive organisation

>100 'friends' who will declare the party to be "the most bangin' party ever innit lolz!!!!111"

1 car, despite recipient being most likely unable to use it

1 dance routine/song performed ineptly by host/ess to viewer's hilarity

1-3 'celebrity' performers which the parents must pretend are not booked, evoking the wrath of their progeny and causing forseeable tantrums. Upon arrival of desired 'star', all is, of course, forgiven.

1-3 birthday greetings from 'celebrities'

Unlimited budget

I'm serious, this is where it comes from!

I'm serious, this is where it comes from!

Mix with care wearing a comedy apron and bake at a low temperature for 16 years. Serve with pretention to garnish.

In some circles, it's called rape.

In some cirlces, it's called rape.

Spin-offs

1. Not only can you see soon-not-to-be-15-anymore-ers celebrating their big day in lavish overindulgence, MSS16 now includes 13th, 18th (Super Swag), 21st and the famed quinceaneras (15th), borrowed from Latin American culture to cater to those wanting another excuse to be centre of attention.

2. Celebrity versions include Bow Wow, Sean Kingston, Aly & AJ, Chris Brown, and Soulja Boy.

Super Swag.

3. Exiled - possibly the best thing to come out of the franchise, spoilt teens are sent to do some real damn work in remote corners of the world.

4. My Super Psycho Sweet 16 is a horror film based on the TV show. Released in October 2009, the film stars Julianna Guill and Lauren McKnight as the resident clichés and promises a plotline Stevie Wonder could see coming. Director Jacob Gentry describes his first reaction to the movie: "I was resistant and thought it was a terrible idea, but then I saw the show, My Super Sweet 16 and realized it was perfect for a horror movie. There's not anyone that would watch that show and [wouldn't] simultaneously be envious of those girls and want them to die."