Inspector Gadget

You know how some women you know keep around out of shape women to make them feel better about themselves? Corporal Capeman had to find someone ridiculous to cling to. He found Inspector Gadget.

Shown (from left to right), Brain, Penny, a satire of incapable  policemen everwhere.

Go-Go-Gadget-Virgin. Can you even fathom how embarrassing it'd be to be arrested by this guy?

Just The Facts

  1. Inspector Gadget himself was a half man/half machine hybrid that attempted to fight crime.
  2. There was a dropped subplot in the series about his shame from falling in love with a floppy drive.
  3. It contains one of the most lethally catchy theme songs of all time.

A Prologue

You probably know Inspector Gadget as the cartoon that ran on Nickelodeon (in syndication) in the eighties and early ninties. It was a small part of what made Nickelodeon so popular durring that period, the larger parts being Ren and Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, Angry Beavers, Doug, Hey Arnold!, Legends of the Hidden Temple... Inspector Gadget probably didn't contribute much, actually. What the hell made this guy so popular?

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A Quick Summary

Inspector Gadget is the title character of the mid-1980s cartoon series "Inspector Gadget". If you are going by the Live-action-film's continuity as a source of an origin, Inspector Gadget's tenure of retardation began when he was just a run-of-the-mill human being named John Brown, working as an incompetent security guard at a Robotics Lab. During a routine break-in (you have to assume if Inspector Gadget is your security guard, break-ins are quite a common occurrence), a scientist is killed, and in the-end-of-the-first-act plot catalyst, John is 'killed' in the ensuing car chase.

Oh wait, nevermind

The robotics lab he worked (and this term is used loosely) for decides that the best use of company funds is to re-build John as a half man/half robot abomination they creatively title "Inspector Gadget". It's similar to RoboCop, if instead of Peter Weller, they decided to rebuild Peter Sellers from The Pink Panther series of movies. Inspector Gadget, due to some terrible decision that more than likely cost someone their job, comes back to life with all memories of his previous life, and as an added bonus: his incompetence has also been restored to full. You know how sometimes you'll plug in Grand Theft Auto, type in some cheats and just start some hayem? That's what this robotics lab did; they gave real life cheat codes to a person who acts like Lenny Small from Of Mice And Men, except the story doesn't end with a mercy killing. He behaves less like RoboCop, and more like RoboTrippingCop.

Shown here, reading a Cease and Desist from
and The Six Million Dollar Man

The primary antagonist of Inspector Gadget is "Dr. Claw", the leader of MAD (no, it's not Alfred E. Nueman, that's a completely different MAD), an evil criminal organization, similar to SPECTRE, KAOS, or PETA, that seems to always have Inspector Gadget in constant surveilence. You're more than likely curious as to how Gadget is able to fight crime in such against-the-odds circumstances, which is a perfectly reasonable thought; he's borderline retarded (and we're being generous there), he's under constant watch from those he's against, and his gadgets have a failure rate almost as high as an xBox 360 (trust us, that's high). The answer is simple: Gadget doesn't do shit. Ever. On these adventures, he's usually accompanied by his niece Penny, and his dog Brain who do most of the heavy lifting, unknown to Uncle Gadget and Dr. Claw. Any crime he fights is entirely by accident. He blunders around, oblivious to his surroundings, making observations that seldom make sense, stumbling into and out of dangerous situations while everyone around him believes that he knows what he's doing when he's oblivious to what's happening, in this sense; he's similar to Criss Angel.

Oh God, Inspector Gadget probably smells better though.

At the end of every episode, Inspector Gadget accidently gets himself out of danger, while his eleven year old niece and puppy saves the day, showing off the fact that Dr. Claw and everyone that works for him is as inept as the Detroit Lions. Gadget takes the credit, the robotics lab continues to be in denial over making a lethal robot version of Sloth from The Goonies, and Penny and Brain feel content sharing winks with each other, while preparing their own celebration.

Pictured: Celebrational fun

A Reboot?

Due to the immense critical and monitary success studios have received from the rebooted franchises of Batman, James Bond and Star Trek, Hollywood is on the lookout for the next big franchise to start again, darker, grittier, buzzwordier, and cooler. Inspector Gadget has those in spades, and it's particularly buzzwordy. The key mechanics of the serires don't even need to be changed at all, the story still works, it just needs some minor tweaks before it hits the big screen. Penny struggles with drug addiction while coping with the concept that she shares genes with a mentally deficient half robot, wondering if she too could be carrying the same mental illness, Inspector Gadget becomes cold and bitter, due to the racism caused by being a cyborg. Humans hate him for being part robot, robots hate him for being part human, and his iTunes doesn't support his operating system. Lars von Trier could direct, and we could get AFI to do the soundtrack. It's cold, it's edgy, it's everything Hollywood is about right now, what kind of unlikely deus ex machina do we have to Go-Go-Gadget out of our hats to get this off the ground?

No one asked your opinion, you filthy mudblood.