Veggie Monster

The Veggie Monster, Fact or Shition?

Here we see the Veggie Monster use his satanic powers to suffocate his cookie counterpart

For the monopoly on selling vegetables, blood must be shed. Prepare yourselves men.

Now will you finish your dinner?

Just The Facts

  1. The Cookie Monster, addicted to cookies, or maybe just destroying them. He is constantly exploited on television. Damn you media man!
  2. The Veggie Monster, despite having a much better diet than the Cookie Monster, looks like a homeless man from California
  3. This new character will supposedly help introduce (sear into children's mind) healthy eating habits
  4. It is not real. Your apathy remains the same anyway.

Even more Facts

The Cookie Monster recently got diabetes. Thie tragic news struck him down, and eventually he had a change of heart. Cookie then went on live tv and proclaimed that he was done with his self-destructive habits, and would now take up eating all kinds of foods that aren't cookies. His rap song about eating healthy topped the charts in 98. Unfortunately a new life led to even newer addictions. In 2000 the Cookie Monster was rushed to the hospital after being found unconcious in his california condo, cauliflower in hand. The Monster was in and out of rehab for another 5 years, with mental breakdowns and hallucinations of his recently deceased friend, kermit the frog. In 2008, Cookie appeared on the Today Show, announcing that he would be back on Sesame Street, and with a new friend. Now in 2009, audiences await the arrival of this so-called Veggie Monster.

Other Possible Explanations

The Cookie Monster needs to get clean, but he can only do it with a lighter addiction.

Elmo's uncle has been down on his luck ever since his Natural Foods store closed down, and the divorce left him penniless. He just needs a place to stay until he finds real income.

Obesity is really troubling all those 3 year-old cookie addicts of America.

Sesame Street could always use another creepy ass puppet

If you haven't seen Cookie Monster's rap video, then click the link at the bottom. Total sellout.

Calm Down

There will be no new character on the show, no need to piss yourself.

Monster?

This is a little backstory I have created to spread some darkness on an otherwise light subject

memoirs of the cookie monster

Why they decided to call me the monster? It was just something you could see in their eyes when I first auditioned. That recognition of something, something written in stone, in a way it was also a resignation. Make them happy, to save the dying, hopeless masses out there, begging for the impossible, for happiness with no consequence. Damn them all. When I first became the Cookie Monster, it was for them, not for me. But there is no gain without sacrifice, something that I lived with for the rest of my life; I had to destroy myself to become a symbol of something that could not be destroyed. They quietly gave me the role. The cookies were funny at first, I mean all I had to do was shovel them in my mouth like a dumbass and make people feel better about themselves, but it became me. By the 10th season, I had to have my fix of cookies before and after shooting scenes, just to stop from howling in pain. During scenes I would be a little more anxious to get those cookies, just a little more crazy then I was before, and the directors saw it. They saw what I was becoming, and suddenly my nickname was no longer a little joke. I can't lie to you, I turned into something less than puppet. I went crazy for awhile, cookies man I love the cookies c'mon man give me the cookies. But I went through with it anyway, for the people, for the people to see something that they could smile about and become hopeful for. Eventually even the directors took pity on me, replacing cookies with vegetables and other shit. It was at this moment in my life that I realized change was going to happen. Whether or not it would be for the best, that would be the viewer's choice, but I had to save myself before I could save America.