Yankees Win World Series 2009

The 2009 New York Yankees showed all of us that money can buy happiness through three easy steps.

A new stadium payed for by the fans.

New ownership. Watch those hands young Steinbrenner.

The cleanest athe...*sigh* who am I kidding?

Just The Facts

  1. After an 0-2 start to the regular season, Yankees fans everywhere flooded the streets with riots and violence.
  2. After then going 24-15, Yankees fans wiped the blood off of their faces, helped up the Mets fans they had beat down in the midst of the fighting, and collectively proclaimed, "That'll do."
  3. The Yankees have won 27 World Series. Your mom watched all of them.

The Offseason

Before the 2009 season began, the New York Yankees went shopping for new players like a 16-year-old girl that just got a hold of daddy's credit card.

First baseman Mark Teixeira was signed by the Yankees for 8 years and $180 million. He was courted by his hometown Baltimore Orioles *chuckle*, the Boston Red Sox, and The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of the West Division of the American League of Major League Baseball. But then a gang of thieves swooped in and stole Mark away for a high profile client.

"It's what we do."

"It's what we do."

After signing their first baseman, the Yanks decided to donate $161 million to the C.C. Sabathia for a span of 7 years. That means that in one year, C.C. Sabathia makes more money than the entire Florida Marlins team.

The Opponent

Before the start of the 2009 World Series, Miss Cleo predicted that the Phillies would win the championship in six games. However, they were undone by one of their own:

"Jimmy, what have I told ya bout wearin' yo auntie's clothes?"

"...I sorry."

Now, Superman has kryptonite. Batman has mortality. The Yankees had Cliff Lee.

"It's alright Clark. He'll only pitch two games."

The Yankees answered Lee's onslaught by utilizing one of America's numerous imports from the great country of Japan.


THIS one.

The 300 foot megamonster that has terrorized the streets of Tokyo for decades decided put on a man suit and hit .615 for New York en route to becoming the World Series MVP.

The Fallout

The Yankees did it. They made it back to the World Series after an unprecedented 6 year absence and won their first championship since 2000: a drought of 10 years. It would be the last championship George Steinbrenner was around for. He was able to ride off into the sunset happier than the Florida Marlins are for just being around.