As Takanori Gomi makes an interesting change in his career, it's important to know what makes him tick. Here at Cracked, we have all the answers and we're not afraid to flash them! Even if our junk rubs uncomfortably under the coarse trench coat.
So you like Gomi? Or don't know who he is? Great we don't give a shit. We've already followed these steps below and are now totally oblivious to stuff we should care about, like our audience.
Be like us! We're doing great!
Take boxing in high school and pitch for the high school baseball team.
Start not giving a shit about anything. Anything.
When your dad get's pissed off that you flunked out of high school, screw him. What are fathers good for anyways?
Learn wrestling and submission grappling. After competing with some of the best grapplers in Japan, and winning, forget everything you know about wrestling and submission grappling.
Achieve greatness by "just winging it".
Knock out a grip of people. Got a rival at work? Knock him out! Don't like the guys you fight? Guess what can solve that-
A knuckle sandwich.
When your peers and fans nickname you, "The Fireball Kid", nickname yourself "Rascal."
Once you start doing pretty well for yourself in your new life as a bad ass- (And hopefully not a convicted felon habitual assailant.) That's when you turn up the heat and get some title matches.
Or lose a couple of title matches and start feeling down about yourself. Then go back to basics and start not giving a flying shit about anything. Even harder.
Don't forget to polish up on your boxing. You don't need BJJ, Muay Thai, Judo, or Submission Wrestling when you're this awesome at knocking people out.
Your MMA and Jiu Jitsu coaches get on your case about how you need to improve your skills Guess what they get?
If you guessed "Knocked Out." You're correct! You're now in Gomi's head and must embrace it.
Can't get along with the new boss? He can fly home to the USA and eat a dick.
Anytime you have a bunch of expectations put on your shoulders, make sure to lose a couple fights for good measure. Just so everyone knows that the sport you make your living in doesn't matter to you.
You, the only person that counts.
At this point it's too far gone to control and you're probably starting to not give a shit about this article. This is a good sign! But hang in there champ.
20 Almost Knockouts.
6 Losses via "ah Whatever i could have won if i wanted to anyway."
If you watch his fights carefully, you can find the moment Gomi ceases care.
Takanori Gomi was born in Wherethefuckever, Japan in 1978. Our in depth research tells us that Gomi was a very dominant wrestler, high school pitcher and ladies man. Gomi started out boxing and pitching but quickly obtained an all-around elite skill set. He was ousted by his father for flunking a grade in high school which landed him at Kiguchi Dojo. Shortly thereafter he started dominating Japan in the only sport arguably gayer then Jiu Jitsu. Submission Wrestling.
Let us know which is gayer, the verdict is still up in the air.
Gomi was a quick success in Shooto, Winning 14 straight fights all the way to the divisional title. However during this stint as a Shooto diety, Gomi rarely let his hands go. Instead, he relied on his new found grappling and ground n' pound skills to win fights. This, of course, was a major let down to his inner spirit.
Gomi dropped a close decision to the Norse Mini-God Joachim Hansen in Shooto. He then lost a gritty and hard fought war with BJ Penn in Hawaii. Shortly thereafter Gomi went into "Fuck It" mode. Throwing away all of his submission grappling prowess to just straight up beat the shit out of people. This is the period that defined Gomi as an insane, guns-blazing knockout artist.
2004-2006 proved to be the most successful time period in his career. Gomi won a divisional title in Pride FC amidst the toughest competition at the time. He solidified his "I'll just knock em' out" fighting style by defeating Tatsuya Kawajiri and Luiz Azerado in one night. This period came to a climax when Gomi knocked out his long time senior from Kiguchi, teacher and mentor Hyato "Mach" Sakurai for the Pride FC Bushido Grand Prix title. The culmination of knocking out his teacher and winning his second title allowed Gomi to prove to his naysayers that it pays to not give a flying fuck.
In 2007 Pride FC was purchased by UFC parent company Zuffa LLC. This move would end up fueling Gomi's exploration of his "Fuck It" attitude today. Lately he roams around Japan in search of champions to fight. And of course, he's still winning by knockout. He's that hardcore.
In 2010 Gomi has signed a contract with the UFC and will be making his promotional debut. Whether or not he finds success in the UFC fighting Kenny Florian will depend entirely on one thing, and one thing only.