Cell Phones

Cell phones, the greatest thing since phones. Cell phones allow you to walk and talk, why the hell don't you use walkie talkies? It makes a lot more sense. Anyway, they're mobile talking devices. That give you cancer.

She had a cell phone.

This doesn't give you cancer.

The weapon used to murder the Verizon guy.

Just The Facts

  1. Cellular telphone use different interconnecting cells, or areas of land, of service. At the center of each cell, there is a tower with multiple antenaes coming from it. Some towers are disgiused as trees, crosses, chimenys, etc.
  2. You didn't understand that.
  3. Neither did I
  4. You use them to talk to people.
  5. When you're in different rooms, if you really want.

What are they though? And why is my bill so huge this month?

Why am I telling you what a cell phone is? It's a damn cell phone. Pretty much everyone with access to the internet has seen one. They're miniature (Or they are now, at least) portable versions of your home phone. They usually have more features though, like texting, web browsing, and apps (If you've got a smart one, at least). As for bills, that's where Cell phone's dark sides show. They usually have charges to send texts, almost always have one to talk with someone, and in some dark, dark cases, they even charge to RECIEVE texts... That's right. But it usually balances out, and you can always find plans that match your frugal needs.

The First Cell Phones

The first commercial fully automated cellular network (the 1G generation) was launched in Japan by NTT in 1979. The initial launch network covered the full metropolitan area of Tokyo's over 20 million inhabitants with a cellular network of 23 base stations. In other words, Japan is friggen cell phone Mecca.

Cell Phone Abuse

It's a hell of a lot like spousal abuse.... Okay, not really. Cell phone abuse is when you use your phone way too much. This leads to a hell of a lot of problems if you're a teenager, because your parents will smack you upside the head when they look at the bill. Actually, I guess it is a bit like spousal abuse.

Can you hear me now?

Cell phones have changed a lot in the short few years they've been around (Check the universe's timeline, it is a short few years, shut up) from giant, clunky monsters that weigh more than the average baby, into the tiny, finger sized things that can now wind up inside a baby. Either way, cellphones aren't a good thing for babies. With the advancement of a phone, and increased popularity, they needed increased service too. There wasn't much in the way of communication originally, they were long range house phones, that was it. Now we have smart phones, which, well... They could probably have their own topic on. But with all that, they needed more service. Back in the day, there were deadzones all over the place, even in major cities, nowadays, a deadzone is like a ghost town: Eerie, not quite real, but you recognize it as something that may have once inhabited humans. Back then, a dead zone meant a resounding "Fuck!" would echo throughout the air. Nowadays, the reaction is usually "I didn't realize this forest was underground!"


Smartphones are like cell phones, but way, way more interactive. If you have access to the internet, odds are you know at least one form of them. They're like, weak-ass laptops. Pretty cool because they're the size of your hand. Apple says "There's an app for that" and that usually rings pretty damned true. It's pretty crazy, but what's it all leading up to?

The future, you say?!

Why yes, I do say that, quite often. Anyways, cell phones will eventually wind up being implanted in our brains, hands, or some such sci-fi fantasy. The speculation on this by nerds has led to a unanimous "Oh that'd be SO sweet!"