Animal Crossing

Animal Crossing is a video game for the Nintendo Gamecube, DS, and Wii. You move into a town and realize that the brochure LIED: the town is a square prison cell and all of your neighbors are TALKING ANIMALS.

Except you can't actually bean someone in the head with a snowball.

Just The Facts

  1. In the DS and Wii installations, you can VISIT YOUR FRIENDS' TOWNS.
  2. And cut down their trees, steal their things, or even brick their games! :D
  3. If you turn off the game without saving, you get bitched at!

The Game

You'll learn to love it though once you've gotten over the shock and paid off the debt for the house you didn't even buy. You can catch bugs, dig for fossils and murder victims, fish for... fish (and murder victims), decorate your house, buy stuff, talk (or be an asshole) to your neighbors... DAMN. Good stuff.

The fishing is one of the best ways to earn Bells (Animal Crossing's currency). Some fish can purchase an entire room's worth of furniture.

Arapaima

Still doesn't excuse the lame-ass puns.

The game plays in real time, but it is possible to change the time and make it June 30th in the game even if it's October 7th in real life. This practice is called time traveling (or TT'ing) by the fans. There are some uptight assholes who think that time traveling is evil and ruins the game. Yes, having a life and not being able to play whenever some holiday is happening is EVUL. If I want the Halloween furniture now, I'm getting it now, fuckface.


Summer is arguably the best time of year, since it's when all the rare and expensive fish and bugs come out to play. You can get hundreds of thousands of Bells in one night, even though it could be better spent doing other things (like looking at cracked.com). But that's what time traveling is for.

This game is arguably the most collection-nerd-friendly game out there. Catching all the fish and bugs is a huge ordeal, and unless you time travel, can take over a year. There's all sorts of other inane shit to waste your time with, such as getting a perfect town, taking advantage of genetics a la Gregor Mendel and creating new flower colors, getting your spherical hands on EVERY FUCKING ITEM, and getting the golden tools (think regular tools but even more douche-y). The game is a nice relaxing one, for when you just want to walk around and chat with your friends without fear of getting jumped by an alien or a Nazi.

Tarantula attack.

I didn't say anything about tarantulas though.

The animals in your town are probably going to be one of your favorite things. Whether you want to mail garbage to that arrogant bitch Violet, hit Kid Cat with a bug net, or have a conversation with your good friend Camofrog, these guys have it all. You can even make them say inappropriate things!

TBT SUCKS

Oh yeah, about that...

Animal Crossing Forums

There are hundreds of Animal Crossing forums out there, with the big three being Animal Crossing Community (ACC), Animal Crossing Ahead (AXA), and The Bell Tree (TBT). Picking the right forum can be a challenge, so here is a list of their pros and cons.

ACC:

Pros: Active, people are friendly.

Cons: 99% of members are illiterate noobs, the mods make Big Brother seem lax.

AXA:

Pros: Active (not as active as ACC though), people are more intelligent.

Cons: Full of snobs and elitists, rules are incredibly strict (no links to youtube, BITCHES).

TBT:

Pros: Active, people are more intelligent.

Cons: Still lots of noobs and lots of arrogant jackasses.

Note to all members of these sites: It's called humor.