Football (Soccer) Managers

Football (Soccer) Managers have lots of time during the games when they're not really doing anything. They seem to use this time to think of funny quotes.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') != -1

Pastels Plus Soccer Equals Italian League?

Just The Facts

  1. Football Managers are paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to tell people who make millions of dollars what to do.
  2. Football Managers never score goals, never miss goals, never miss tackles, never let in a goal, and never get sent off resulting in the team to play a man down for the rest of the game. Yet if their team loses it is their fault.
  3. Being a football manager requires a strict devotion of ignoring your family.

Cracked on Football Managers

Football managers probably have the sweetest of all coaching jobs. They don't have to worry about when to call time-out, they don't have to manage difficult substitutions patterns (they're only allowed 3 subs a game), they usually just sit on the bench and watch the game, and they get cool tracksuits with their initials on them! Sure they get blamed anytime the team loses and crazy Russian oil billionaires who own the team will fire them if they don't win every contest, but other then that it's a sweet gig. Also, if they're really really bad at it some despot in North Korea will offer thousands of dollars to coach their national team.

What?

The "JG" just reeks of class, doesn't it?

Words of Wisdom by Sir Bobby Robson

"We didn't underestimate them but they were a lot better than we thought "

"The first 90 minutes are the most important."

"I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final".

"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket."

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist."

"I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about."

"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game they lose."

"Look at those olive trees - they're two hundred years old - from before the time of Christ! "

"Steve Hodge has been unfit for two weeks, well, no, for 14 days."

And the greatest interview ever given: Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: "Good morning, Bobby". Bryan: "You're Bobby, I'm Bryan!"

Bobby Robson

"I Crown Myself, Sir Bobby Ronson. King of douchetards!"

Words of Wisdom by Brian Clough, The Greatest Smart-Ass Who Ever Lived

"I wouldn't say I'm the best manager but I'm in the top one."

"They say Rome wasn't built in a day, but I wasn't on that particular job."

"If I had an argument with a player we would sit down for twenty minutes, talk about it and then decide I was right!"

"I'm not saying he's pale and thin, but the maid in our hotel room pulled back the sheets and remade the bed without realising he was still in it." (referring to former player Brian Rice).

"The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years."

"Walk on water? I know most people out there will be saying that instead of walking on it, I should have taken more of it with my drinks. They are absolutely right."

"Football hooligans? - well, there are 92 club chairmen for a start"

"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball? He might grab mine."

"I'm sure the England selectors thought if they took me on and gave me the job, I'd want to run the show. They were shrewd, because that's exactly what I would have done." (On not getting the England Coaching Job)

Sir Brian Clough

More Fun Then Old People Should Be Allowed to Have

Other Great Football quotes

"I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God, that must have been one hell of a pass" - Jasper Carrott

"That's great, tell him he's Pele, and get him back on" - John Lambie, Partick Thistle Manager, when told his concussed striker did not know who he was.

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" - Ron Atkinson

"If we can play like that every week, we'll get some level of consistency"-- Sir Alex Ferguson

Sir AF

"I'ma gonna drink scotch outta this bitch tonight!"

Other People on Sidelines (a nice perk for the job)

If God has graced you with the most wonderful coaching job of all, that of Mexican Football team coach, you might get to "accidently" brush up against the hottest sideline reporter in the history of the world.

INES SAINZ-- We hear she has a Master's degree in law and works for some Mexican TV station. No wonder Sven Goran Erikkson left Manchester City to coach Mexico

Ines Sainz

This is an ACTUAL Mexican Soccer sideline reporter! MLS, are you taking notes? You'd better be.