World organizations are determined to capture our attention towards stupid issues with cute pictures of Pandas. Beneath the fur lies hideous creatures that should be put down immediately.
5 Endangered Species That Should Be Put Down
I am sure the corporations will find a good way to preserve the so called 'endangered species', I can already imagine a duck-billed platypus on a model's shoulders in the next Milan fashion week.
For too long have we been telling jokes about a seal walking into a club. Its about time we redirect our repressed violent desires towards useless animals to make sure our clothes truly are 100% organic, literally. Lets take the war to PETA, the new war on teror. It does not matter which way you swing, there is nothing wrong morally in barbarically mutilating animals and then pissing on their corpses. Unless ofcourse your a donkey loving guy in Kazakhstan, in which case your not swinging you went off the branch way back. Seriously, if your a creationist then find solace in the fact that God wanted them to die and if believe in the mere theory of evolution as opposed to the absolute undeniable truth of christianity then lets just say Darwin would have personally used a double barrel shotgun to blow their asses. Hopefully, not literally, Darwin wasn't that weird. Natural selection demands that the ugliest chicks have nobody to go to the prom with. These endangered species are the weirdest, ugliest and the most useless of the lot. Unless ofcourse you buy the entire food chain or the butterfly effect nonsense. Its not true, believe in Jesus.
This picture is exactly how you are being misguided and why you should take guns and move to Cuba or Hispanola to shoot this animal down. The rodent looks very manageable and your probably thinking it doesnt hurt to have a crossbreed between a pig and a hedgehog but this little bugger is actually very dangerous. It can release venom through its teeth and Scientists claim that it is easily annoyed. How do scientists establish that anyways? Do they annoy animals to check their threshold? Hey Gary lets throw pebbles at the rodent and lets see if it gets pissed off. Sorry James I am too busy humping the female Kakapo infront of the male one to see if they get annoyed easily.
Disclaimer: The guy in the picture is not James.
At first sight it just looks like an obese parrot and if obesity was a criterion to determine natural selection Americans would not be ruling the world. However, the Kakapo has not just divulged enough Big Macs to look like that it has had enough that it has to go hiking through the woods at night, we can already see why this bird is endangered, infact there are only 62 in the world. Atleast, the bird lives in New Zealand and not New York hence its still alive after walking in the night rather than what normal parrots do, FLY! There is a reason why the dodo is extinct maybe the Kiwi should also realize a few things before we turn them into shoe polish.
3. Angler Fish
The angler fish looks like it jumped out of our nightmares, most people will piss their pants at the prospect of facing up to such hideousity. It looks like Oprah did the world a favour stopped making an effort and jumped into the ocean and somehow adapted. However, the reason the angler fish should die is not mainly because its ugly, it is also an insult on manhood. The fish has a big glowing fishing rod that any man would boast about but sadly only the females have that and the males are tiny little blobs attached to the femal goddess. The females "feeds" the male ex-utero style. I am not saying shes a gold digger but lets put it this way the male eventually loses his eyeballs then his internal organs and finally his life but it doesnt matter to the female fish anymore because she already has the sperm by then. We must control our females and nature should be giving them no such ideas. Die Fish Die. Plus it threatened Nemo in the movie finding nemo.
The Dugong is a part of the Manitee family but its not invited to any of the family events because it looks like its perpetually giving a blowjob. The sole reason it should be eradicated from the face of this earth is because it epitomized the difference between myth and reality. The dugong is said to have inspired myths about mermaids, for ages men have pondered over the beauty of mermaids and lets face it, dugong porn will just look plain disgusting, it makes humping the fin of a mermaid look civil. Two dugongs and a cup really doesnt have a ring to it.
5. Leaping Lesbian Lizards
I can take the animal kingdom killing mermaid porn for us but the moment they infringe on the idea of lesbianism, they have gone a step too far. The lizards are officially named Cnemidophorus but honestly who cares considering they are called leaping lesbian lizards? Scientists somewhere got extremely lazy while getting blown from a dugong and decided to just name them that for the heck of it. If you thought female fish treating males like shit and then stealing their sperm was bad, these lizards have completely removed males from the entire reproduction process. All of the lizards are female yet they still reproduce and they are even known to simulate sexual acts needlessly. I can only imagine they miss the male species so women of the world do not get any ideas. In the mean time, people unite and move to the American desert to kill these lesbians. How could have thought men would want to do that?