Halloween Costumes
Halloween uses the same formula as the Internet: More anonymity -> sexual depravity + people acting like assholes + kids getting access to stuff they never would otherwise -> Japan topping the creepiest stuff we could possibly come up with.
Japan Makes You Feel Weird About Everything: Part 1
A few years ago, Columnist Chris Bucholz decided to see what the people of Japan do for Halloween. As he recently pointed out, navigating Japanese websites can be both difficult and terrifying. Because the Japanese weren't brutally conquered by the English and now speak some bizarre Eastern tongue, he had to take the word he was looking for, punch it into a web translation engine to translate it to Japanese, and then paste the results into Google. After sifting through some pretty shocking pornography, he was able to bring us a list that we still see when we close our eyes to sleep.
Insane Japanese Halloween Costumes!
This might be the most racist thing we've ever seen.
We feel the need to point out that we didn't Photoshop this, although clearly, this is exactly the kind of thing we'd Photoshop were we inclined to create a monkey costume with an obscenely large sack and a tiny penis.
Germany: Not so Not Creepy Themselves
The following year, Bucholz again journeyed into the dark recesses of the Internet and brought us more costumes that rivalled even the Japanese's. Naturally, these costumes were made in Germany: The only country actively attempting to top Japan on the depravity scale.
Unsettling German Halloween Costumes!
This is a pretty typical entry in the canon of unsettling German Halloween costumes. The combination of a grey, felt suit and a bizarrely realistic head, makes this look like something out of a dream sequence in a David Lynch film.
Most people have heard that David Hasselhoff is extremely and unreasonably popular in Germany, but few know that ALF enjoys a similarly successful music career there, as well. This is because many Germans mistakenly believe the two are related.
Well, here's a slap in the balls. Thanks, Germany. You really managed to capture the majesty and grandeur of the subject.
Japan Makes You Feel Weird About Everything: Part 2
In 2008, Chris once more subjected himself to the disturbing throws of the Web in search of batshit costumes from around the world. Unfortunately, Japan still won.
Insane Costumes From Around the World (But Mostly Japan)!
Russia has a weird relationship with Western culture. They'll spend decades denouncing capitalism, and then wait in line for hours to taste a Big Mac. Or in this case, a Russian kid will murder an American icon and then use the severed head to compliment his pantyhose.
When Japan was six-years old, Christmas murdered his parents, and ever since then he's been kind of weird about it.
The Rest of the World's Turn to Laugh
Not brave enough to venture the path Chris previously took, we opted to bring to light some costumes that will make you look like a terrible douche to the rest of the world.
Halloween Costumes That Will Earn You a Beating!
The early model Terminators were easily identifiable, since Skynet's files on what penises really look like were badly damaged in the initial attack.
There is no place on earth where this costume won't get you a vicious beating. You wouldn't even make it out of Quaker country in this thing. Goths, puns, suggested genital piercings on a child... it's like they distilled everything a good man finds offensive and expressed it in shitty costume form.
Thats not a monkey with huge junk,but actually an ancient Japanese raccoon god.I learned that entirely by accident,and that's around the same time I figured out that ancient Japanese were just as batshit as the modern Japanese.
ReplyDon't need to cover you ass with "learned that entirely by accident" I learned that by reading cracked, it's in like 4 other articles.
I was somewhat sad this was mostly just a rehash of other articles...though I guess had I not read all of the ones mentioned a few days ago this would be pretty decent.
ReplyWell, our Halloween this year was a strange one.
ReplyI won't say it was a non-event, but it went from being an entrenched tradition to.well, let's say a scattering and a smattering.
Every year, for as long as we've had children, we've spent Halloween at my parents.And they have the house brilliantly spooky, and the kids find money in their dinner and a ring in the brack, and they get to knock on the same doors as I did with my brothers and sister and our friends.
Wireless Fence For Dogs
Wireless dog fence
christmas shopping
Welcome to Shopping →→→ http://www.itemscool.com Best quality, Best reputation , Best services With our advanced manufacturing, production lines and well-organized sales networks, we can provide many products, such as apparel, shoes, caps, handbags, etc. Our goal is "the best quality, best reputation and best services". Your satisfaction is our main pursue. You can find the best products from us, meeting your different needs. HOT SELL Product Brand is below: Nike Air Jordan(1-25)/Jordan Six Ring/Jordan Fusion/Nike Shox/Air Max/AF1/Dunk: $32 Polo/Ed Hardy/Lacoste/Ca/A&F ……T-shirt: Coach /Gucci/Lv/Ed Hardy/D&G/Fendi ……Handbag:$35 Christian Louboutin/Lv/Ed Hardy/Gucci/Coach/Lacoste/ Timbland……Shoe :$35 True Religion/Coogi/Evisu/Ed Hardy/Prada ……Jeans:$30 New era/Gucci/Ed hardy ……cap : $13 Okely/Coach/D&G/Fendi/Gucci/Armani ……sunglass : $15 Nike shoes: 32 $, True Religion jeans: 30 $, Ed Hardy, t-shirts: 12 $, NFL Jersey: 20 $, Boots UGG: 50 $
ReplyFunny article, but it's not a monkey with the balls, It says on the packaging next to it that it's a racoon or "tanuki" which are deeply set in Japanese mythology. They're known to have extrememly large testicles, just check out Miyazaki's film Pom Poko for the big balled fun XD .
Replythat was crazy
ReplyHalloween + Cracked = Hilarity. XD
ReplyThe halloween costume articles are my favorites on this site. Thanks for compiling them here. Also, I'm hoping for a new costume article from someone...please?
ReplyThe only new thing is the chart.... so much work... oh well. still good for a reference topic
ReplyAt least only about half the article is reused.
ReplyI gotta say, that Nazi Obama costume looks pretty snazzy.
Why does it feel like I've already read this article before?
Replyit started off good but after the first couple of pictures it was just copy/pasted from the cracked.com archives
ReplyThe start was good, i almost die when i saw the michael jackson costume ... but the rest of the article just sucks :/ ... i never do this kind of stuff but i could not stand this, please, any one could have done this think ... less copy paste the next time have some respect D: ...
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies"Anyone could have done this think"? That's about where your argument falls apart.
Herro in there? Engrish pree.
Herro? Anyone in there? Engrish prease!
I too lost you at "any one could have done this think". What could he possibly have meant by that? Pure gibberish. Are those even real words?
Q-ro, seriously, if you're going to make a comment get your damn head back in the game. You're letting Cracked down, you're letting me down, and most of all your letting yourself down. Your better than this.
Haha, well I don't think we can get offended over the less-than flattering depiction of the statue of liberty seeming as 90% of this site, especially this article, revolves around making fun of other countries, especially Japan. Don't you wonder, if we're talking all of this s**t about Japan and Germany, what are they saying about us?
ReplyHalloween, the hodgepodge of a holiday. Makes no sense but still big fun. My article on it:
Replyhttp://wp.me/pyQFw-lW
Ha! Nice way to stick in yet ANOTHER safely racist joke about Japan in there. Those Asians! Thank goodness it's still safe to belittle and demean them, especially now that Arabs are off-limits! WHEW!
ReplySeriously, guys?
Well no fat people are still on the "ok to publicly ridicule" list. Just don't say anything about gays, blacks or hispanics or your an instant redneck nazi.
Are you kidding me? An intro and then a cut and paste of other peoples articles? How tremendously creative.
ReplyThat "monkey" with huge balls is actually a raccoon dog, also known as a tanuki (like from Super Mario 3). They've got statues of these guys everywhere in Japan. They're like lawn ornaments with huge balls. There are even little kid's songs about the Tanuki and its giant balls
ReplyOdd that the author didn't already know that, seeing as though Cracked has written about Japan's Tanuki mythology before.
Goth milk actually made me laugh
ReplyIt's a terrible pun, but the best ones are.
wrong these costumes own
ReplyI suggest you ingest arsenic, it's totally awesome and won't kill you in a horribly unpleasant way. That or Radium 60.
tool