Halloween Costumes

A few years ago, Columnist Chris Bucholz decided to see what the people of Japan do for Halloween. As he recently pointed out, navigating Japanese websites can be both difficult and terrifying. Because the Japanese weren't brutally conquered by the English and now speak some bizarre Eastern tongue, he had to take the word he was looking for, punch it into a web translation engine to translate it to Japanese, and then paste the results into Google. After sifting through some pretty shocking pornography, he was able to bring us a list that we still see when we close our eyes to sleep.

Insane Japanese Halloween Costumes!

This might be the most racist thing we've ever seen.

We feel the need to point out that we didn't Photoshop this, although clearly, this is exactly the kind of thing we'd Photoshop were we inclined to create a monkey costume with an obscenely large sack and a tiny penis.

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The following year, Bucholz again journeyed into the dark recesses of the Internet and brought us more costumes that rivalled even the Japanese's. Naturally, these costumes were made in Germany: The only country actively attempting to top Japan on the depravity scale.

Unsettling German Halloween Costumes!

This is a pretty typical entry in the canon of unsettling German Halloween costumes. The combination of a grey, felt suit and a bizarrely realistic head, makes this look like something out of a dream sequence in a David Lynch film.

Most people have heard that David Hasselhoff is extremely and unreasonably popular in Germany, but few know that ALF enjoys a similarly successful music career there, as well. This is because many Germans mistakenly believe the two are related.

Well, here's a slap in the balls. Thanks, Germany. You really managed to capture the majesty and grandeur of the subject.

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In 2008, Chris once more subjected himself to the disturbing throws of the Web in search of batshit costumes from around the world. Unfortunately, Japan still won.

Insane Costumes From Around the World (But Mostly Japan)!

Russia has a weird relationship with Western culture. They'll spend decades denouncing capitalism, and then wait in line for hours to taste a Big Mac. Or in this case, a Russian kid will murder an American icon and then use the severed head to compliment his pantyhose.

When Japan was six-years old, Christmas murdered his parents, and ever since then he's been kind of weird about it.

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Not brave enough to venture the path Chris previously took, we opted to bring to light some costumes that will make you look like a terrible douche to the rest of the world.

Halloween Costumes That Will Earn You a Beating!

The early model Terminators were easily identifiable, since Skynet's files on what penises really look like were badly damaged in the initial attack.

There is no place on earth where this costume won't get you a vicious beating. You wouldn't even make it out of Quaker country in this thing. Goths, puns, suggested genital piercings on a child... it's like they distilled everything a good man finds offensive and expressed it in shitty costume form.

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