Princess Margaret

Princess Margaret was the first punk-rock-party-chick member of the United Kingdom's Royal Family. Margo drank, smoked, experimented with drugs and free love, shacked up with hippies and generally speaking had a jolly good time.

HRH Margaret wonders where that waiter is with her drink.

Just The Facts

  1. Margaret was Queen Elizabeth II's baby sister.
  2. The Queen, being the bossy big sister type, would not permit Margo to marry the hottie she was dating. So she married someone else and is rumored to have slept with celebrities like Mick Jagger, David Niven, Peter Sellars and Benny Hill. Well, maybe not Benny Hill.
  3. Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon was a dedicated smoker. She began at age 15 and didn't quit until six years AFTER she had half a lung removed. Now that's dedication!
  4. Smoking Cigarettes naturally led the Princess to become an avid alcohol enthusiast. Even though she had gone off the fags(cigarettes, not gays-the gays remained intact) she continued to drink for 11 more years. And then she died. Probably because she drank.

The Little Sister is usually the Life of the Party

Margaret's dad King George had a sexy equerry(dude who takes care of the horses)and she fell heels over noggin' in love with him and presumably many rolls-in-the-hay took place. The problem was that this stud was divorced. Marrying a divorced guy is a Bozo-no-no when you're in the Royal Family, especially in the 1950s. When her big sis became Queen, Margaret begged her to allow the marriage. In Bitchy Big Sister fashion the Queen refused and Margaret ended up marrying someone else. Many folks have pointed to this episode as the cause of Margaret's turbulent lifestyle. Others think she was a just a born party animal.

Her husband was a photographer so Margaret began meeting and partying and making out with all kinds of celebrities and bohemian-types. Mick Jagger, Peter Sellars and David Niven are among the celebrities to which she was linked. She was also a consummate FagHag having been close chums with Noel Coward, Gore Vidal and Benny Hill. Well, maybe not Benny Hill.

The tabloids loved her and then in their usual way proceeded to chew her up and spit her out. The News of the World published a photo of her and her much younger "close friend" partying at her island holiday home in swimsuits. This episode led to more bad press and eventually she divorced. Five months after their divorce her ex-husband married some other broad. One could guess that he had had his own share of extra-marital fun.

The Party's Over

Following her divorce she continued to party but much more discreetly. No matter how hard she tried the press usually found a way to talk shit about her, this being before Princess Diana was around. Shortly after her great uncle Lord Mountbatten was assassinated by the Provisional IRA, Margaret was visiting Chicago and had remarked that she had received many letters of condolence from the Irish people and was very moved by them. The next day, Gossip Columnist Irv Kupcinet wrote that she had said the Irish were pigs. This was obviously a lie because if she had really said this to Kupcinet that would've meant she was hanging out with a jew.

Princess Margaret hanging out with this guy? Not bloody likely!

The end of things or "The Princess and the Pee-stains"

First she had half of a lung removed which meant she had to cut back on her 3-pack a day habit. For six years she smoked only a pack and a half a day and then gave them up completely or at least had everyone fooled.

Next, she suffered a mild stroke.

Then one night she decided to have a bath and she filled the tub. Maybe she was high or maybe she just wasn't used to drawing her own bath but somehow she forgot to turn on the cold tap with the hot and burned her feet so badly that she could no longer wear shoes but only paper thin slippers and began using a wheelchair most of the time.

She suffered another stroke and this one would've put her in the wheelchair anyway so that may have been some comfort.

After having further strokes she finally died. Her 101 year-old mother insisted on attending Margaret's funeral, ignoring doctor's advice and she died six weeks later. Being in the royal family really must suck.