Count Dracula is famed for being known as the first and strongest vampire image to date. He has spawned over 170 film representations and started countless (shitty) vampire movies.

Scary and Retarded

Scarily Retarded

Just The Facts

  1. Dracula is the world's most famous undead bloodsucking pimp.
  2. Dracula drinks the blood of the living so he can maintain his figure and his erection.
  3. Dracula bangs his female victims and keeps them as his vampire hoes.

The Modern Vampire

Like most things in history, pop culture must rape and whore the Vampires until they become nothing but dust in the wind. The Modern Vampire is now purely a sex object, with many different variations for each vampire show. (While I am sure everyone has heard of this Twilight series, I refuse to continue the bashing. It's like a bitching child, just ignore it, and it will die...) Some say that the modern vampire is a disgrace to the vampire name. Vampires are not real. Ha, wow that was easy huh? Anyway modern vampires have become even more popular ever since the release of twilight. This movie created a portal through hell from which hollywood hacks began submitting their manuscripts and now we have an abundance of vampire flicks. Before Twilight though there were the vampires from 30 days of night.

Sharp teeth, blood-thirsty, and pure evil. Does not wear a bib.


Evil, sharp teeth, clean shaven, and groovy.



Just kidding, there are no black vampires fool. This is what happens to them.

I Am Legend

I Am in need of a breath mint.

Yes, History was definitely not kind to the vampire, with film gems such as Rape of the Vampire, It! The Terror From Beyond Space, Dracula's Daughter, Vampire Lesbos, Vampire Cop Ricky, Samauri Vampire Bikers From Hell, and basically everything else. Yes, what used to be a symbol of fear, lust and immortality has become a symbol of lesbians doing it on motorcycles.


The Vampire creature was first created in Greece actually. The Church spread fear by announcing that those who were not given absolution when dead would return to life and feed off the blood of the living. You could get absolution from the church. For a fee. Corpses that were dug up and found without decay were usually declared vampires. They were blamed for disease and death and then promptly stabbed in the chest with a cross. Since nobody had any idea how corpses work, and lets face it, nobody cares today, People saw plump, blood-oozing dead bodies and shit hit the fan. In actuality the gases that bubbled up inside the decompsing corpse would cause the body to appear plump and the pressure would force blood to ooze out the mouth and nose. Getting stabbed in the chest would release these gases, also releasing a sound similar to groaning or farting. So remember not to eat any nachos or beans before you bite the dust.

Vampire Dutch Oven