New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve: That time spent going off your nut with friends and strangers after Christmas. It will never, ever, ever be as good as you think it's going to be.

Image by bholesurfer.

Just The Facts

  1. In countries whose year is based on the Gregorian calendar, New Year's Eve is December 31.
  2. But that's OK if yours doesn't- it's the NEW YEAR duuuuude!!

Cracked on New Year's Eve

The best parties are the ones where people just turn up, get wasted, and then leave at whatever time kills the vibe least. For this reason, NYE parties generally suck since they're usually organized by someone in the middle of October, heartlessly managing to snatch all the best invitees before anyone has a chance to double-book themselves and making them RSVP on annoying-ass themed invite cards.

We're not trying to kill your buzz, it's just the way it is. So, here are a few tips to ensure that whatever happens, you have a good night.

  • Do not dedicate yourself to any one party. "Maybe" every single invite on Facebook. Give the impression that you might actually be out the country at that time or pretend that you're going to "spend some more time with your family."
  • DO NOT organize your own party.
  • Find a compatriot like yourself who wouldn't mind, we mean really wouldn't mind if, at midnight, you were both just drunk at home watching John Carpenter movies.
  • Don't worry, that won't happen.
  • It might.



  • Get wasted in whatever way suits you before you get to the party. Sounds like a bad idea? That doesn't matter because (a) it's New Year's Eve and (b) you don't want to turn up to a party that's so shit you wanna leave but someone has guilt tripped you into staying. If you're already drunk, fun just happens and you regret nothing.
  • Even if no one else knows where you're going to be at midnight, you must try to have a vague idea where you might be by about 11. Cell-phones don't work on NYE since everyone is sending photos to each other or some shit.
  • Carry a full hip-flask at all times, for obvious reasons.
  • Do not think that the parties peak at midnight. This is bullshit. The parties peak at around 4am, so aim to be wherever you want to be by around then.
  • Don't go to a club unless you didn't pay for the ticket. Seriously, have you ever been to a night club on New Year's Eve? "Horror" doesn't even come close.

Just this. Over and over again.