You're driving along the road in a Ford Focus. It runs well, it's smooth, reliable, and cheap to maintain. Then, you see a car come up beside you.The windows are blacked out. It's chauffeur driven. It then speeds off at 155mph because IT FUCKING CAN.

If your car can't do this, you're poor.

Just The Facts

  1. The Maybach is the same as the Mercedes S-Class, but it's longer (that's what she said!), has a few more gadgets, and a funny badge
  2. It is the ULTIMATE penis extention
  3. All sorts of rich bastards have these things, including business people and that brainless twat Paris Hilton

What does it do

You: "So, what can this car do?:

Me: "Anything"

You: "No way, can I eat in there. Not like just eating a sandwich from Tescos and opening it in the car, but like, getting summit out the fridge and eating it?"

Me: "Fuck yes, it even has champain flutes, and tables. It also has Freeview and a DVD player. And two TVs. And a barrier seperating you and the chauffeur so you don't have to mix with the working class"

You: "Fucking hell! So how much is it then?"

Me: "See the one I have a picture of at the top of this article? It'll run you over a $1,000,000"


Yes. In fact, let's look to the trusty Wikipedia on this one:

The Maybach 62 includes many luxury features such as fully-reclining rear seats, Maybach 4 zone climate control, tinted-windows, infrared-reflecting laminated glass all round, AirMATIC dual control air suspension, display instruments in rear roof liner (showing speed, time and outside temperature), folding rear tables (left and right), BOSE Surround Everywhere sound system and a refrigerator compartment.[4] The Maybach 62 also includes an array of additional features such as Cockpit Management and Navigation System (COMAND), which includes DVD navigation, CD changer in rear seats, DVD players and TV tuners front and rear, two rear LCD TV screens including remote control and two sets of headphones, and automatic closing doors.

Even though the Maybach 62 has all these features included, optional extras are available. Some of these optional extras include a panoramic glass sun roof at a cost of $11,670 and an external communication system, which includes a loudspeaker and microphone system which allows the occupant in the rear of the Maybach to talk and listen to the people outside the car. This option comes at a cost of $1,780. A further option for the Maybach is a retractable electrotransparent partition screen between the driver and the rear occupants, at $23,780. The most expensive option for the Maybach is a high protection GUARD B4 Package which costs an additional $151,810.

I think it might even be able to fly, looking at the "cockpit management system". Or maybe that's for setting up a gay brothel in your car?

See how it says it has a BOSE sound system? Yeah, that's over 20 speakers.

Also look at the picture at the beginning of the article. That's the Maybach Landu-I-Don't-Even-Know-How-To-Spell-The-Rest-Of-This-Word-Because-It's-So-Posh. Which means the roof opens at the back. Not at the front, because your peasont chauffeur doesn't deserve to see sunlight.

Look, I could go on about all the shit this fucker can do all day, but the fact is, you need one of these things. Get out there and sell your family, then buy one of these cars. Right. Now.