Nokia 5800

What do you get if you take the iPhone, make it out of cheap shit, and replace the operating system with bloated bollocks made in 2001? You get this thing.

Refused ad for the Nokia 5800

Just The Facts

  1. Nokia made this phone to be a shitty iPhone knock-off from the beginning, aiming it at the "tramps who want iPhones but can't afford the real thing" market
  2. It runs an operating system from 2001, which aside from making icons bigger, has bearly been changed for this phone
  3. This thing depreciates faster than a cheap shitty car, so don't even bother putting it on eBay
  4. A few months after releasing it, Nokia came out with a better one. Oh snap.

Review of this phone, from someone who owned one

So there I was, on the Phones4U website. The Nokia 5800, £175. Great, I thought. I picked one up from a Phones4U store a few days later and they charged me £250, but of course I was only told that after I gave them all my details and they'd taken the phone out the box to register it.

It didn't take long to work out that this thing was crap. On the iPhone, you can easily download apps, just tap the "App Store" icon and your £500 phone will be making fart noises in no time! On the 5800, though, the process was a little... Different. First, I had to go onto "Download!" to get the Ovi Store, which would then let me download more stuff... Why they didn't just put it all under one thing I don't know. So, the Ovi thing downloads. Won't install. Get some sort of system error.

I then figure I'll sort it out later and go to sort out my e-mail account. I then reallllly wish I haden't. After spending hours fiddling with settings, I get it working. And when I say "working", I mean "it takes 20 minutes to pick up one e-mail, and it's then 10 more before it lets me read it." And HTML formatting? Nope, Nokia says a big "FUCK YOU" to that.

I then find out about Nokia E-Mail. I download it. I rip my hair out and almost kill myself because it goes into a huge loop of deleting then re-downloading my e-mails. Getting into anything other than the inbox? Nokia says a huge "FUCK YOU" to that as well.

After putting all my data on the phone, I then find out that the reason I had that error when installing the Ovi Store is because of a known issue, and with it the phone won't let me install anything at all. The fix? Reset the whole fucking phone. It then lets me install things.

Internet browsing, for me, is important in a phone. The internet browsing on the Nokia 5800 was... Shit, to put it nicely. I tried Opera Mini, but that crashed 10 times everytime I tried to do anything.

My phone then broke a week or so later. I took it back to the Phones 4U shop. I eventually got another one.

A few months later, I sold the horriffic thing online and got half my money back. I was lucky. I got out quickly, you may not be so fortunate!


If you are the kind of person who pokes your eyes out and falls down stairs on purpose for fun, then by all means, buy this phone.

If not, then just get a proper one.