Slutty Halloween Costumes

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It's not just the scary movies, it's the costumes. I mean, no one dresses like this for Thanksgiving.

Actually, that's genius.  Slutty, genius.

A professionally made costume, but no less cool.  Have you ever seen those old Tex Avery cartoons with the big bad wolf?

Another homemade gem.

Just The Facts

  1. Halloween is a great holiday, you get candy, get freaky and put on masks.
  2. It's in the same category as Mardi Gras and New Years for crazy, anonymous make-out sessions.
  3. "Sexy" may be a better word than "slutty" if you are trying to get your girlfriend to wear these.

If you are a man who just loves Halloween or a lady looking for some great costume ideas here are some of the best that oh, I do love so.

1. Catwoman

Of course, not as good as Michelle Pfieffer's but let's face it, she had Tim Burton and Warner Bros. budget.

2. Nurse/Doctor

I am without words. This is like the hottest girl ever, ever. I don't even have a joke.

3. Police Officer

Nice, authoritative stance. Reminds me of a Red Hot Chili Peppers song...

Camel Toe is totally legal.

4. Alice

Ummm, nice rabbit.

5. Witch

Not bad, you could make the skirt a little shorter though.



I'll take all of the above, please.

6. Devil Woman

Again, I don't know, it's just not revealing enough.

That's it.

7. Angel of Death

Not too bad.

8. French Maid

This never gets old. I'm not even going to bother with French jokes. Looks like maybe USAmericans are just jealous. Oh well. We've still got "freedom fries".

9. Super-girl

Dear lord. WTF is right. If WTF means "awesome."

God, it's like all my nerdy fantasies are coming true. Look at those boots! Help me, Jesus.


I don't know what this one is but I like it. I mean, fish nets make anything slutty.

11. School-girl

Yes, Halloween is great, it's ok to be all naughty.

12. Pirate

Shiver me timbers, and by timers I mean bed-posts and when I say "walk the plank" I mean, ohh never mind.

13. Baller

I think women's basketball costumes actually used to be like this.

14. Elves or Zelda, I think.

It's really good to know that girls are nerds too.

15. Santa's Little Helper

Ho Ho Ho! This ones good for two Holidays!

16. The Wasp and the Scarlet Witch

Wait a's starting to look like nerds have all the fun.

17. "Sexy Gypsy"

Does anybody remember that scene in "From Russia, with Love" where those gypsy women have a cat-fight over a man? I'm just saying....

18. The Bunny

We've all seen the playboy costumes but this is a nice, homemade variation on a classic theme. Plus, she keeps going, and going and going...

19. Robina? Robin?

Now some may say I should have put all the comic/gamer costumes under one title but IT's MY ARTICLE and I'M A NERD! So, yeah, awesome.

20. The tellingly titular tag of this is "Sexy Secret Service"

So I guess I'll start making those crank calls to the White House again.

21. "Sexy Jason?"

Ok, now that's just weird.

21. Thankfully, I didn't have to google "Slutty Hogwarts". This just came up! Can you believe it? Of course you can, it's the internet.

22. Slutty Clan of the Cave Bear?

Or is this another one of those "furries" things?

23. Slutty Pac-Woman

This costume rules. It's slutty and hilarious.

Nice. Love the flap with the ghost. Now that's slutty. One more for the gamers.

24. Sexy...Wait WTF?

in case you didn't see it includes a "Bin Laden nose and beard combo". This costume is wrong in so many ways we can only hope he sees this and it pisses him off so much he dies. Quick, we need troop support.

Ahh, that's much better. Now if only the two would wait stop! Even that's too weird. What have I done? Now, I have some family in the service and some friends and some of them are "offended by douche-bags who dress up like servicemen and act disrespectful" but I seriously doubt that they would argue to much with this girl. Just in case she needs help fighting crime, can we get her some backup?

Thanks Wonder Woman. You rule.

25. Sexy Vader

Ok now it's quite clear the nerds are in control. I wish they would let Vader pee. It seems like he really has to go.

22. Sexy Sarah

This will probably get old in about ten years, but fuck it.


Yes, it's true. I don't know what to call it, besides the best costume, ever. According to the picture date, it's not even Halloween when they took this photo. Therefore, this is not only the best costume ever but the coolest girl ever. Just feel free to contact me here at this Cracked page if you are reading this. I am 6'1" and have huge pectoral muscles that are not bitch tits at all.

Yep. Happy Halloween.

"You've been bad just by looking at this page. You are going to hell and you're going to have to spend eternity with me!"

Unless you pray with her...