Shit. Cockstain. Meekrob. The use of profane language has long captivated the minds and mouths of every sect of society, from the juvenile delinquents to the chubby Walmart hoi polloi. But why exactly do we use profanity on such a regular basis?

Because sometimes,

Just The Facts

  1. Studies in the 80s and 90s have shown that 0.7% of our spoken words are swear words.
  2. The most common swear words are fuck and shit, the two of which constitute a third of our total cursing quota.
  3. The aforementioned studies were clearly performed prior to the conception of the internet hate machine.


In its classic Latin, the word profane referred to anything that was not within direct cock slapping distance of any source of religious authority. Anything not belonging to the Church was deemed blasphemous, which, by today's standards, means that you and everything you love are plummeting right to the great furnace under the universe when you kick off from the big Earth rock, you Satanist scumbag.

Standards for the word changed, and profanity came to describe any word or gesture deemed rude or inappropriate by social construct. Our swear words come to us from what our societies hold up as taboo: Westerners mostly curse about sexual conduct or bodily fluids, the French curse about religious idolatry, the British shudder at the thought of muffins that aren't English and, presumably, routine castrations or beheadings are performed on Amish villagers who fantasize about all night dance parties and/or electricity.

Pictured: The bane of British Society.

Pictured: The bane of British existence.

Swearing in Pop Culture

In an interesting Google trend study that I just performed twelve seconds ago, it was found that both the words "cock" and "fuck" were vastly more searched for than, say, "Fox News". Much to this writer's dismay, "ass spelunking" didn't even land a spot on the graph.

The Harvard School of Public Health performed a study that showed a large increase in accepted degrees of profanity in film between the years 1992 and 2003, presumably stemming from an outcry of furious parents who were forced to see shitty ass movies with their braindead children. I have not in any way familiarized myself with the study, because I'm afraid that such a knowledge of statistics will negatively effect the amount of sex that I have in the future; however, if the trend continues, it may just be time for me to revisit the dusty old manuscript of my magnum opus and cart it around to some Executive Producers...

Some Executive Producers who, if reading this, are unprecedented in cock size and skills at Mario Kart 64. *ahem*

"My boner got a boner in the first three minutes of this film."

Some Definitions