Hair is that greasy lump of bristly fur on your head and other places of your body. Recent studies have also discovered that hair is not part of the human being, but a seperate parasitic carnivore.

When left undisturbed, hair will slowly consume your head. It will also make you fat.

Just The Facts

  1. Hair is one of the most important factors in determining your first impression on somebody.
  2. Your hair will never do what you want it to do.
  3. Men should never have long hair.
  4. Ever.
  5. No, seriously. You look like a bum.

Which Style is Right for You?


The Mohawk has been a popular choice for rockers, punks, and rebels. It conveys an icon of anti-establishment. It's the hairstyle of violence, shouting, loud music, chaos, and general shenannigans...


The king of shenannigans.

...back in the 80s. Nowadays, you just look like a freak.

Kid with Mohawk

Think of the children.

You look like a douchebag. Right, David Beckham?




Well, it's happened. You're going bald. And no amount of frantic swiping at your remaining strings of hair is going to fix that.

"But this awful toupee will."


Only if you are Southern, white, chew grain, have a pick-em-up truck, and have a puzzled expression on your face as if you are forgetting something.

"...did I lock the trailer door?"

In Conclusion...

Bald's the only way to go.

There are, of course, exceptions.