Hair is that greasy lump of bristly fur on your head and other places of your body. Recent studies have also discovered that hair is not part of the human being, but a seperate parasitic carnivore.
The Mohawk has been a popular choice for rockers, punks, and rebels. It conveys an icon of anti-establishment. It's the hairstyle of violence, shouting, loud music, chaos, and general shenannigans...
The king of shenannigans.
...back in the 80s. Nowadays, you just look like a freak.
Think of the children.
You look like a douchebag. Right, David Beckham?
Well, it's happened. You're going bald. And no amount of frantic swiping at your remaining strings of hair is going to fix that.
"But this awful toupee will."
Only if you are Southern, white, chew grain, have a pick-em-up truck, and have a puzzled expression on your face as if you are forgetting something.
"...did I lock the trailer door?"
Bald's the only way to go.
There are, of course, exceptions.