Ron Weasley

Ron Weasley may not be the main character of the Harry Potter series but if we were J.K. Rowling (which we sometimes imagine we are), Ron would be the star.

In this chart, if you aren't a ginger, you're a douchebag.

Get to Know Ron!

Ronald Bilius Weasley is the sixth son of the pure-blood but rather impoverished wizarding Weasley family and the second to youngest child. The siblings include, from oldest to youngest, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred and George (twins), Ron, and Ginny (Ginerva). Apparently children just started walking out of Molly Weasley at a certain point, our guess is after Percy. Ron is most known in the Harry Potter series as being Harry's best friend and sometimes wife, if the amount of bickering within the fifth, sixth, and seventh books is any indication. They met one fateful day just outside the Hogwarts Platform 9 ¾ and ended up sitting on the train together. Harry and Ron knew that they were instant friends, destined to be friends 4ever.

Ron: A Brief Study, A Right-Foul (and Endearing) Spigot of Endless Whining

Upon arriving at Hogwarts, Ron is quickly sorted into Gryffindor, where all the other Weasley siblings are, where he is joined by his BFF Harry and that "mental" girl Hermione.

As a boy not-so-equipped with vast quantities of mental alertness, he claims a rat named Scabbers (aka Peter Pettigrew as an Animagus) for a pet and a rather dodgy wand made of ash and unicorn hair. After a disastrous incident involving an enchanted Ford Anglia, he breaks this wand and repairs it with Spellotape, but the wand is still rendered useless. After his father, Arthur, wins some money from the Ministry of Magic in the third book, Ron purchases a new wand measuring fourteen inches, made of willow with a unicorn hair core. Sounds legit to us.

At the beginning of his Hogwarts experience, we find that Ron is not so astute in matters pertaining school lessons, and is constantly being harassed by that crazy girl, Hermione. He is, however, extremely talented at Wizard's Chess, a skill apparently worth 50 fucking House Points at the end of the year. We never got rewarded for a really good game of paper football when we were in school. Then again, we went to a Muggle school, and we may have been playing said game during a geometry lesson.

Ron is prone to constant whining directed towards the antagonism of others and spiders. And Hermione Granger. Other characteristics include red hair, freckles, gangly physique, and a wardrobe full of dingy hand-me-downs.

Not your average Ginger Kid.

Ron in The Sorcerer's Stone

At the end of the first Harry Potter novel, the pre-teen trio consisting of Harry, Ron, and Hermione decide it would be a really good idea if they, with all of their magical prowess as first-year students, go and rescue the Sorcerer's Stone from the evil Lord Voldemort. Forget about the fact that Voldemort is a freaking evil genius in every sense of the word except that he never succeeds at anything, or that Ron is the only one of the three that has any real substantial knowledge of the Wizarding World, seeing as Harry is Muggle-raised and Hermione is Muggle-born. But it's cool, thanks to a whole bunch of plot coincidences; they all get through essentially un-fucking-scathed. Did I mention they are only eleven (and that this is fictional)?

Ron in The Chamber of Secrets

As the trio becomes even more solidified in their friendship, even with that loony, Hermione, who I guess isn't so bad once you get to know her, they continue on their mission of taking matters into their own hands and going on stupidly dangerous escapades.

On finding out the Chamber of Secrets has been opened again in Hogwarts School, they decide that it is their job, nay, their obligation to investigate further. Hermione concocts the Polyjuice Potion, which they use to infiltrate the Slytherin Common Room, Harry disguised as the oafish Goyle and Ron as the dimwitted Crabbe.

Then, of course, by the urging of a staff member, Hagrid, Harry and Ron follow some larger-than-average spiders into the Forbidden Forest, where they meet some even bigger spiders, and finally the mac-daddy of all spiders, the Acromantula, Aragog. Ron about pisses himself and he and Harry are eventually rescued by Ron's dad's rogue Ford Anglia. It's convenient that the Anglia just happened to be in the area.

Sucks for you.
At the end of the novel, Ron and Harry actually succeed in making it into the Chamber of Secrets with the company of the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor (see fraud) Gilderoy Lockhart, in order to rescue Ron's little sister Ginny, who is a first year student at Hogwarts at the time.
Harry, as per usual, ends up taking all of the glory while Ron gets to chillax behind a wall of rocks with an Obliviated Professor Lockhart. Maybe not chillax. Maybe freak the fuck out in octaves so high that it's a wonder that the rocks didn't just turn to dust around him, but we speculate (and digress).

Ron in The Prisoner of Azkaban

Ron's rat Scabbers ends up being Peter Pettigrew, the guy who really gave up Harry's parents to Voldemort. Ron breaks a couple of bones in the ending scenes. Hermione is actually kind of nice, and definitely is a life-saver when it comes to homework.

Ron in the Goblet of Fire

So Ron's dad gets tickets to the Quidditch World Cup, where some serious shit goes down. You know what we're talking about if you've read the book. If you haven't, you are freaking daft; how has this article held your interest for so long.

Harry and Ron get into a couple's quarrel about Harry getting into the Triwizard Tournament. But they kiss and make up, but in a bro kind of way, you know? Nothing that could ever be construed as gay. Of course not.

During the awkward wizard version of an already awkward institution that is a school dance, Ron takes Padma Patil as his date to the Yule Ball, while Harry takes Parvati. Hermione goes with Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian Quidditch super-star. Hermione looks really pretty, he's never seen her so pretty. Goddamn you, Viktor. Goddamn you.

He does indeed smell like his Great Aunt Tessie.
During the second task of the Triwizard Tournament hosted by Hogwarts, Ron is used as Harry's stolen valuable he must rescue from the depths of the Black Lake. We guess we're going to have to call it for them...no homo.

Ron in The Order of the Phoenix

So now the Weasley family, among others, has taken residence in Number 12 Grimauld Place, the residence formerly belonging to the Black family. They chill out, clean some stuff, Harry's summoned to a full trial of the Wizengamot, and, holy hell, Ron learns he's a school prefect along with Hermione. Who in their right mind would make Ron Weasley the moral model for other students? Oh, right...Dumbledore.

In this particular year of Hogwarts, Harry is as moody as a teenage girl and experiences many rifts with both Ron and Hermione, who, by the way, Ron hears still occasionally writes to Viktor Krum.

At the end of the novel, Ron, always the faithful side-kick, and the rest of the D.A. sneak their way into the Department of Mysteries to rescue Sirius and discover Harry's prophecy. Ron gets attacked by some brains.

Ron in The Half-Blood Prince

This year is an exciting year for Ron. He makes it onto the Gryffindor Quidditch Team thanks to an artfully executed Confundus Charm by Hermione Granger. Ron starts going out with Lavender Brown.

Wait, wait. Lavender Brown? Yes. Lavender and Won-Won.

Awwwwkward.
As we continue to write about Ron in each progressive year, we realize how shafted Ron gets. The books are all: Harry, Harry, Harry. But we guess that's why they aren't called Ron Weasley and The Half-Blood Prince.
Ron is also poisoned by a bottle of mead after he goes to Professor Slughorn's office looking for an antidote for love-potion spiked chocolates from Romilda Vane. He is saved by a bezoar.
Lavender and Ron breakup, and Hermione and Ron finally realize they have a thing for each other, or are at least willing to sort of admit it. It's about goddamn time.
And he partakes in a battle against some Death Eaters while Harry's stuck in a full-body bind and Dumbledore gets killed.

Ron in The Deathly Hallows

At the beginning of the novel, Ron is given the Deluminator by Rufus Scrimgeour from Dumbledore. Ron is confused, but what else is new?

After a catastrophe at Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour's wedding, Harry, Ron, and Hermione drop out of Hogwarts and go on a quest for horcruxes in order to defeat Voldemort. Sounds totally badass but effectively ends up being more a quest for eatables than horcruxes.

After various escapades, some failures and a few successes, Ron becomes cold, tired, irritable and misses his mommy and leaves Harry and Hermione. He eventually comes back (duh) and saves Harry from drowning and destroys a horcrux.

After many battles, struggles, and events that would render any normal person to a temperament similar to that of Mad-Eye Moody, he returns to Hogwarts for the final battle with the rest of the gang. He watches his brothers and friends die, and he really doesn't seem to come out too badly, which is both impressive and disturbing. As Voldemort dies, he yells, "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your magic!"

And as far as that semi-lame-ass epilogue goes, Ron and Hermione get married and have two kids, Rose and Hugo. Also, Ron passes a Muggle driving test by Confounding the driving tester.

It only took six years. Jeeeeez.

In Short

Ron is the coolest of the HRH trio. He's the least moody, the most endearing, and the least insufferable. He's also the best Weasley kid, because Ginny is annoying and the rest aren't really in the books enough to allow us to form an opinion. Except for Fred. So, except for Fred, Ron is the best by default. Including Fred, he's still the best. Ginger kids get it done.