Centuries ago the first trick or treater formed from the fossilized semen of druids. Every year his anointment is celebrated through door to door extortion and intimidation.
Just The Facts
- Halloween was invented by John Carpenter in 1979 as an elaborate attempt to dissuade adolescents from intercourse
- Trick or Treaters spend on average $38 dollars on costumes in exchange for about $10 worth of candy proving that children suck at economics.
- 4 out of 5 dentists agree that Trick or Treating is subsidizing their mortgages
The Attack on Christian Values
Every year at the end or October suburban children are paraded around neighborhoods adorned in the hides of their enemies. Anthropologists believe that this is either Middle America's attempt to honor Beelzebub or an incredibly elaborate satire of Jehovah's Witnesses. The only known weaknesses of trick or treaters are razorblades and curfews.
Children have been known to use guerilla tactics, such as TP ing and Egging, in the absence or sufficient offerings. Halloween expert Robert Szombee (citation needed) has noted that next to violent video games trick or treating is the number one corrupter of American children.