Mankind

Think it's gonna be easy? Ha! It's taken a long time to get where we are now, and it does'nt look like we are going to go past 2012! What will it take for Humans to survive? {Or at least get through the cataclysm} What to have on hand in December,20

Hi! Wanna make humans?

It probably wont be like this.

Misses

Just The Facts

  1. The name 'mankind' is totally misleading. Man is not, and never has been, kind. We've killed billions of our own, we've killed billions of other species, Christ, there's an article here on Cracked.com somewhere about how we tried to blow our own fucking moon up, just to piss each other off.
  2. But this time, who knows whats gonna take us out? The predictions are'nt that clear, no one really knows ancient mayan language that good.
  3. Whatever happens, it will be huge. Do you take a direct hit? Dive out of the way? Is anywhere safe?

Stockpiling for EOT's

Besides screwing every bitch you see thats still alive, there has to be some basics. First:

1}Shelter. If, that's IF you were by some freakish chance sequestered in an old missle silo, or nuclear waste facility, or Wal-Mart, you may be one of the lucky ones. Wait, the nuclear waste facility would be your grave almost instantly. Stick to silos. Well, there ya go. might as well make that your home base, as not much else will be left standing. Your focus will be on protecting it from hordes of deformed, crazed, .......

Zombies! If you were smart enough to bring weapons and ammo, it's a no-brainer,{heh,heh,braaaiinsss!}

2} Water. If the silo protects you from being sizzled like bacon, {you knew I'd use that!} the water you have should be okay. Steal as much sparkletts bottles as you can. Other liquids would include booze, wine, power/gator aide and beer. The beer will go first, as you will have no refridgeration.

3} Protective clothing. Eh, it's gonna be either hot or cold. Insulated jumpsuits and parkas should be okay. Naked is just fine if it's hot. I mean, ya gotta have some kind of attraction to tha bitches.

4} Food. What's gonna last without turning into rancid zombie bait? Not a lot of culinary gadgets to make sophisticated meals, eh? Just something to produce fire, and a pot or two.

Basics, like beans, rice, spam, {sorry, no bacon, see #4} salt'n'peppah, chocolate blocks, peanut butter, {you'll have time, make your own damn reeses cups!} Freez-dried rations suck, but some dry soup mix will last. Gum. Yeah, it's got all kinds of uses, I think. Gummi Bears last forever. And some of that fruitcake from Thanksgiving, cause the turkey will be all gone, and you aint gettin no Christmas duck! Try sampling some of the mold that will start growing everywhere. It could be edible, and provide essential nutrients.

Do not eat dead people! No good will come of it, and you'll die.

5} Reason to live. If, you dont find any pussy in five days, you aint gonna. Blow your brains out. it will be better that way. There are probably others who will carry the torch of humanity better than you would anyway. See other topic #2 for those who dont have the nerve.

6} It's possible that you may need an oxygen supply or lead boots. The air may all be gone or gravity will cease to exist. Some stout rope and stakes will come in handy too. Although this situation may negate #5.

7} Why bother? Just suck up the fireball when it hits you, and be glad you dont have to struggle to survive.

Cause it will be a bitch!