Easy Cheese

"Easy Cheese" is a substance made for people who like things easy, much more then they like actual cheese.)){u=

This is the stuff.  Now, who do you think made this?  Was it:

Him?

Or was it this guy here? (Incidentally, you don't have to be Amish to make cheese, but it doesn't hurt.)

Just The Facts

  1. "Easy cheese" is basically a product that was created for people who like cheese enough to eat it, but can't be bothered to get a knife and slice it for consumption.
  2. "Easy Cheese" tastes like a big block of Cheddar had a bad case of diarrhea, which was then poured into a can, and then pressurized for your convenience.
  3. You probably won't be able to eat "Easy Cheese" again without thinking about Fact #2. Sorry about that.
  4. Then again, you shouldn't be eating that crap anyway. I kind of did you a favor, really.

So, what's in it?

Ingredients of "Easy Cheese": MILK, WATER, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, WHEY, CANOLA OIL, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF SALT, SODIUM CITRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, LACTIC ACID, SORBIC ACID AS A PRESERVATIVE, SODIUM ALGINATE, APOCAROTENAL (COLOR), ANNATTO (COLOR), CHEESE CULTURE, ENZYMES.1

Ingredients of Real, Actual Cheese: MILK, RENNET, STARTER CULTURE and SALT.2

Okay, let's start with what's in the canned shit: Milk is good for you, of course. Water, well... I'm not sure that I need my cheese watered down, but okay. Whey is the icky liquid part of cottage cheese. Canola oil isn't bad for you, as far as oils go, but again... doesn't belong in my cheese. Milk Protein Concentrate? Sure, why not? Less than 2% of salt? Doesn't sound like too much to me. SODIUM CITRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, LACTIC ACID, Etc., etc. I'm going to go ahead and let you Google those for yourself. I'm writing about a topic for a humor site, not a Goddamn thesis.

Now, look at what's in real cheese: Milk, which is still good for you. Rennet, well... if you look up what rennet is, it may put you off cheese for awhile. Let's just say it's all-natural and leave it at that. Starter culture is what makes Bleu Cheese blue. And salt is a natural preservative and just makes everything tastier.

1. No shit! All of that is what's really in there!

2. See how simple that is?

Conclusion

I guess what I'm really trying to say is: Don't get your cheese from a can. Spend an extra buck or two and get the real thing. Your taste buds will thank you, as will the lower parts of your digestive tract.