H1N1, that pesky little bastard that's going to end the world. Like that cute little lady at the bar that you've never seen before, this virus has burst though the door of our collective awareness. At first, you might think, "well hello there." But,

Have it? This might soon be you...if it were a pig suit.

Mankind's only hope: shitty movies.  What, you thought microbiology? Thats why you're going to die of H1N1.

Just The Facts

  1. The swine flu came from Mexico, not neccessarily mexicans.
  2. Don't go outside. That's where the virus is. If you don't go outside, it can't get you. This is why every Cracked reader will survive.
  3. The main reason people fear swine flu is that its a descendant of the Spanish Flu from the early 1900s.
  4. Snorting vaccine gets you totally wasted.
  5. The World Health Organization has stated that "..if this virus becomes completely global, then there will not be enough vaccinations for everyone in the world."
  6. This unprovoked attack on the human species has the Irish, with support from the Lord of Flies, preparing to invade and democratize Swinelandia.

Why This is Happening

Historically, all species find a nice comfortable stasis with their environment. Then, when one species becomes over-populated, something comes along and F's them in the A. For T-rex, it was a huge rock from space. For Cro Magnan, it was gigantic ice cubes from Russia. Then we came along and it was Plague 600 years ago, then, in Dec. 1917, Spanish Flu started killing us quicker than a trigger-happy Dick Cheney.

The virus mutated from birds, to humans, to pigs, and now back to humans. I guess we're just that freaking loveable. H1N1 mainly targets healthy, young humans. So all Cracked readers are completely safe, don't worry.

How to Stop it

Get clean, get vaccinated and stop hugging homeless people.