Larry David

Larry David has had a pretty, pretty, pretty, good life.

I haven't taken a shit in a week.

Will The Real Larry David Please Stand Up?

He co-created one of the greatest shows of all time OF ALL TIME and now runs Curb Your Enthusiasm which comes in a close second to the funniest show about situations a person can get themselves into.

Now I don't know what is real and what isn't. From what I read Larry carries around a little notebook and takes notes on situations that he or his friends get into. So did he actually take a hooker to a Dodgers game so he could use the diamond lane or did he really take flowers from one of his friends mother's roadside memorial? I doubt it but it makes for good tv.

In reality Larry David is a multimillionaire who probably has much less to worry about then your average human being but you have to hand it to him.

He knows how to make awkward situations work.

Now I on the other hand am not a multimillionaire, I'm not even a hunderedolleraire.

I'm just a regular guy trying to make his way in the world but it doesn't mean I haven't put myself in some


Let's travel back to the 1990s when it was cool to get Dr Pepper shaved into the back of your head

or wear zebra pants. Back when cell phones were the size of a fucking brick and Shasta was the shit.

I was in 6th grade, my best bud and I drew pictures of each other, stick figures really in both pictures we

drew we were overly obese had tiny dicks and huge tits. We made little speech boxes saying things

to each other like "I wear women's clothes or I shit my pants." We thought this was damn

hilarious and like idiots we put the pictures in our desk to save for the next day not

thinking some other student would look in there the rest of the day.

Around 7th period we got the call to report to the principals office.

Our principal was an elderly man who had been at the school since our parents were

students and he didn't really seem to give a shit so it seemed. He looked at the pictures and read aloud to us what the speech boxes said.

My friend and I died laughing hearing the principal of the school, a man in his 70's saying things like "Your titties are huge."

Normally we would get our asses beat for something like this but luckily paddling had been outlawed the year before so we both knew there wasn't really shit he could do to us.

Send us to detention? Big deal. Run some laps? So what.

What we didn't see was him mailing the pictures to our parents who were allowed to paddle and paddle they did.

Embarrasing enough as it was having my parents read things to me saying "Your dick isthe size of a crayola crayon."

I couldn't comfortably sit down for a week and my parents and my friends parents thought we were queers or something.

So that's my real Larry David moment from when I was in 6th grade I have many more but I'm saving

those for my book. : )