Unicorns

Unicorns. They're magic fricking horses that can FLY. What else needs to be said? They're every little girl's dream, and many little boys' too. They're all that is good and pure in the world. This is shown by the fact that many species shit rainbows.

Besides their cultural relation to rainbows and gayness, unicorns are the pinnacle of manliness. It's a war horse with a spear on it's head.

While it's true they taste very good, eating a unicorn will immediately lead to death by over-euphoria if the wrong body part is consumed.

People can't have horns. That's just stupid.

Just The Facts

  1. A unicorn (from Latin unus 'one' and cornu 'horn') is a mythological creature.
  2. He could be captured only by unfair means, and his single horn was said to neutralize poison.
  3. One traditional method of hunting unicorns involved entrapment by a virgin.
  4. When Marco Polo saw a rhinoceros for the first time, he thought it was a unicorn.

General Attributes

this is a real footage, no kidding

The account of the unicorn is often combined with that of the monocerus, with some sources saying that they are the same animal. Other sources treat the two as separate beasts, and describe them quite differently. Some manuscripts have accounts and illustrations of both.

The unicorn is described variously as resembling a small goat, an ass, or a horse. It has a single horn in the middle of its head; the horn is usually depicted as straight and long, and often with a spiral groove running up it. The unicorn is fierce, strong and swift, and no hunter can catch it. To tame the beast so it can be captured, a virgin girl is placed in its path. The unicorn, seeing the maiden, comes to her and puts its head in her lap and falls asleep. OK, what the fuck is wrong here? virgin, big horn in her lap.......The hunters can then easily capture or kill it. Some accounts say the girl must bare her breast and allow the unicorn to suckle- how sick is that? and you still think unicorns are adorable? If the unicorn is captured, it is taken to the king's palace.

that would be a virgin.

The unicorn is the enemy of the elephant, which it attacks with its horn, piercing the elephant's belly. Some sources say that it is the sharp nail on the unicorn's foot that pierces the elephant.

A unicorn's horn is highly valued. It can be used to detect poison, and if dipped in a poisoned drink, the horn causes the poison to be rendered harmless. Powdered unicorn horn is used as an aphrodisiac.

The Power of the Unicorn

Because of the Unicom's purity, its horn (known as alicom) was considered magical and became a popular ingredient in medieval medicines. Its mere presence was considered a strong protection against poison in food, and when worn in jewelry, it protected the wearer from evil.

Alicorn was often worth more than its weight in gold, so kings, emperors, and popes were among the few people able to pay the high prices demanded. They were eager to acquire the precious horn to "guarantee" long and healthy lives. With such a lucrative trade, false alicorn was rampant, made from bull horn, goat horn, or in some cases from the horns of exotic animals or from ordinary dog bones.

look- rainbow.........

Complete Unicom horns were very rare. For example, a complete Unicom horn owned by Queen Elizabeth I of England was valued at the time at £10,000 - the equivalent of about 3,000 ounces of gold and enough money to buy a large country estate complete with a castle. Rather than coming from unicorns, these complete horns often turned out to be the long spirally twisted tusks of the male narwhal, a large marine animal.

Kings often placed alicorn on the table to protect themselves against poisonous food and drink, and until the revolution toppled the monarchy in 1789, the eating utensils used by French kings were made of Unicom horn to counteract any poison in the food.

How to Test Real Unicorn Horn

Medieval pharmacists believed in the power of the Unicorn as a medicine, and the Unicorn even became the apothecaries' symbol. According to St. Hildegard, who passionately believed in the power of the Unicorn to heal illness, the Unicorn's strength came from the fact that once a year, it returned to drink the waters and eat the vegetation of paradise.

Ground Unicorn horn was said to cure fever, plague, epilepsy, rabies, gout, and a host of other ailments. Unicorn liver was a cure for leprosy. Shoes made of Unicorn leather assured healthy feet and legs, and a belt of Unicorn leather worn around the body warded off plague and fever. Belief in the power of the Unicorn was widely held in England until the mid- I 700s.

In order to distinguish "real" alicorn from false alicorn, elaborate tests were devised. Among them are the following:

  • Place scorpions under a dish with apiece of horn. If the scorpions die in a matter of hours, the horn is real.
  • Feed arsenic to pigeons, followed by a dose of Unicorn horn. If the pigeons live, the horn is genuine.
  • Draw a ring on the floor with the horn. If the horn is real, a spider will not be able to cross the ring.
  • Place the horn in cold water. If the water bubbles but remains cold, the horn came from a Unicorn.

What Happened to Unicorns

What happened is that unicorns were eveywhere, then they got lazy and spent their days watching TV and eating junk shit. Overtime they gained weight, lost their white coat to a grey coat, they lost all ability to fly and shoot lasers and all the fat pushed their horns down from their heads down to their nose. By the time they realized that it was too late. They were fattys and no princess would ever ride a fat unicorn. Not even a fat princess. So now they are called rhinos and that is why people think unicorns don´t exist.