Personal Ads

Match.com, Facebook, Fling, we've all looked at them. Sometimes we're not interested in hooking up, but just like to pretend like we have the balls to actually hook up. It takes some practice to navigate the labyrinth of lies that are personals.

Just The Facts

  1. Personal ads are what people use when they're too afraid to actually approach people.
  2. "Social Networking" sites are just free personals.
  3. Most guys use personal ads for hook ups.
  4. Most pictures used on personal ads are copyrighted.

eHarmony, Match.Com

eHarmony claims that it will find you a significant other in 6 months or it will give you 6 months free. So, in other words, it rewards you for being an even bigger loser than you already are, by letting you divulge in more loser activities. This is considered, as well as Match.com, to be one of the more "serious" websites for serious daters who are just looking to settle down and raise a family of unloved children whose parents were basically each others' last resorts.

Fling, Craigslist, a million others

These are the rappers of the personal ad world. They don't beat around the bush like eHarmony or Match.Com. Instead, they get right to the point. In fact, most ads comprise of a picture (usually one pulled off a "hot girl" search on Google) and one or two sentences saying things like "I want to be fucked" or, often more ambiguously, "I'm just looking for a good time." Looking on craigslist or Fling for a one-night-stand is kind of like car shopping, as you can connect profile pictures to a car's mileage. If the mileage isn't listed, then there's probably a good reason.

typical craigslist personal

Facebook, MySpace

Don't play stupid. We know you've spent many a night filtering out "single, female, white" profiles in your local area. Which is fine if you're in college, or high school, or pre-school. But if you're not, just be careful to make sure that ~crazyblondchic7192~ isn't actually ~chrishansonislookingoveryourshoulder666~.