Adolf Hitler
Hitler: The most versatile word on the Internet.
Just The Facts
- Adolf Hitler was a few hugs short of a Care Bear.
- Hitler painted pretty postcards and wanted to be an artist.
- He was a momma's boy.
Who Was Hitler: Using Internet Context Clues
This page links off to 43 articles in which various public and historical figures are compared to Hitler. You can read Hitler compared to Hugo Chavez by Donald Rumsfeld, Donald Rumsfeld by Hugo Chavez, Jesus by Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck (not by Jesus), Abraham Lincoln, Nancy Pelosi, Charles Darwin, Walt Disney and even Franklin Delano Roosevelt. While each context is different, each of the 43 articles seem to believe Hitler was some sort of vaguely super-powered force of evil who controlled people (and possibly the weather) with his mind.
However, the more we read about his life, the more we got an image of a guy who was just pulling outrageous claims out of his ass at a time, and in a country when people were desperate enough to believe them--more date rapist than evil genius.
So which version is correct? History mentions no super powers. But why would the opportunistic howler monkeys feeding Hitler comparisons to a conspiracy theory-hungry America pretend that Hitler was some sort of evil genius if he was just an opportunistic howler monkey feeding over-the-top rhetoric to a conspiracy-theory-hungry Germany?
If that rhetorical question makes your head hurt, you already know the answer to both questions: Because it's what the Masons and the Jews want you to believe.
Adolf Hitler: Just Some Dumb Asshole
Adolf's dad, Alois, was a bastard. He was the illegitimate son of Maria Ann Schicklgruber. Alois couldn't find any young lassies to marry him with a retarded last name like Schicklgruber, so he took the last name of his paternal grandpa, Grandpa Hitler. After his first two wives showed remarkable foresight, dying before Alois could impregnate them with the spawn of Satan, Alois Hitler married his foster daughter, Klara Poezl.
She was a Bavarian who was 23-years younger than Hitler's dad. The Hitlers' first two children died shortly after infancy. Then the stork dropped Adolf Hitler in Braunau-am-in, Austria. Young Adolf had an even younger brother that died when he was six. Later on, another daughter was born to the Hitler clan. Amazingly, she didn't die young and ended up outliving Adolf, spending most of her later years mumbling her last name when introduced to strangers.
Hitler's father wanted Adolf to study for a government position.Hitler didn't want to sit in a cubicle the rest of his life and work for the man. He wanted to become to paint with water colors and listen to Richard Wagner and be emo. Because of this, Hitler's father died of embarassment when he was only 13.
Above Left: Adolf Hitler in his Emo phase. Above Right: One of Hitler's paintings.
Contrary to what you've heard from people who want you to find them interesting, Hitler was a bit of a dipshit. He sucked at high school, dropping out at the age of 15 and moving to Vienna, Austria. Hitler was denied entrance to the Academy of Fine Arts. In 1907 Hitler's mother died and he decided to remain in Vienna. He again tried to gain entrance to the Academy of Fine Arts and failed the entrance exam again. One of the reasons he was given is that he only drew pictures of landscapes. He never drew people in his pictures. This was creepy to people at the Art School (foreshadowing). Hitler had no steady income and lived in cheap housing and often slept on park benches. Many of his meals came from charity kitchens. Hitler was a homeless bohemian.
World War I and after.
In 1914, Hitler volunteered for the Bavarian Army in World War I but only rose to the rank of corporal. His superior officers thought he lacked leadership qualities like intelligence and sanity. Unfortunately for history, Hitler was blessed with the two "dumb virtues:" Self confidence and courage. He was recommended for two medals for bravery in the war, one by a Jewish officer.
The Versailles Treaty ended the war and blamed Germany for pretty much everything. Germany was stripped of much of its territory, forced to disarm and was also forced to pay reparations leaving millions unemployed.
In 1920, Hitler joined the Nationalist Socialist German Workers Party who called themselves Nazis. By 1921, Hitler's had become President of his club (Der Fuhrer) thanks to his powerful speaking ability (post WWI German for "spits a lot when he talks"). Hitler organized an army for the Nazi party called the Storm Troopers who were called upon to fight groups seeking to disband the Nazi rallies and also to fight the peace loving Jedi.
Stormtrooper Death Rally then and now.
Because he was a dim bulb motivated by a limitless engine of fury, Hitler tried to take power before he had the guns to do it, and got thrown in jail. For the same reason, while in prison he wrote Mein Kampf (My Struggle) which rambled on and on about hating Jews and Communists. The book didn't make much sense.
When Hitler got out of the slammer eight months later (five-year sentence originally), he rebuilt the Nazi party. Using Germany's bottomless appetite for conspiracy theories, he attracted millions of voters.
Once he was in power, all dissenters were neutralized in whatever way necessary, and he ramped up manufacturing of military weapons which helped arm Germany and wipe out unemployment.
So to recap: Hitler wasn't an evil genius who forced his way to the top using trickery and the foresight of a chess master. He was a high school dropout who just happened to be angry enough to take advantage of a nation desperate for a pleasant conspiracy theory to believe.
World War II
Hitler invaded a bunch of countries, killed millions of people based on race, got attacked back, realized he was going to lose the war and then committed suicide like a coward.
The End.
Thanks giving lets give thanks for whitey who came and invaded a land. Then let's make jokes about the ones we didn't manage to kill. f**k yeah
ReplyOh yeah, who's this dude sporting The Ralph?
ReplyHow about "After Reading 5 Insane Celebrity Conspiracy Theories (That Make Sense): Poop enthusiast"...?
ReplyFew hugs short of a care bear, classic.
ReplyI'd like to go back in time and replace little Hitler sleeping in his crib with a baby Justin Bieber. It would probably cause mass suicide instead though.
ReplyNo mention of the Holocaust?
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesThough, I guess that would be pretty hard not to take seriously.
"Hitler invaded a bunch of countries, killed millions of people based on race, got attacked back, realized he was going to lose the war and then committed suicide like a coward." = Holocaust in a nutshell. Reading is important. You should probably try that next time :)
The holocaust is the only bad thing that has ever happened. Only jews died during WWII.
no sopwith lots of other people died in World War 2, like the the gypsies, the polish, the communists, the gays, the mentally and physically challenged, the political opponents of the Nazis, the Soviets, the British, the French, the Americans, the Japanese, the Chinese, the Australians and the, wait for it....... Germans!!!
And I'm not even going to bother listing all the "things" as you put it, that happened that is "bad"....... seriously that statement right there that you just made is so idiotic that I'm just going to assume that you are so much of a dumb arse that you think that World War 2 was just about the Holocaust..... you probably don't even know that the Jews were more than just killed you colossal wanker.
I'm not going to tell you to go read a book, READ f*****g WIKIPEDIA AT LEAST YOU DICK HEAD!!!!
Fedoradictator has just enough of a brain to see words on a screen and know what they mean, but not enough to actually understand an obvious sarcastic joke.
muffles something that I have learned straight away in regards to typing is how freaking difficult it is to tell if someone is being sarcastic. But the problem with your statement is that due to the people fully capable of being evil - or in the case of sopwith, just ignorant, which is nearly indistinguishable to evil really if you think about the consequences - when someone says something so god damn vile as sopwith did you really have to reprimand the prick. Saying that I appreciate your attempt to ground me and point out how I may be wrong and just misinterpreting what sopwith is saying.
FUUU
Satire!
Say it with me, everyone!
"In 1914, Hitler volunteered for the Bavarian Army in World War I but only rose to the rank of corporal. His superior officers thought he lacked leadership qualities like intelligence and sanity." I don't know why but this made me laugh so hard.
ReplyOh, oh. I know. Because it's funny.
It's funny hows places like america are never mentioned for committing genocide. They wiped out a race too. So what, is it cool when you kill native americans but jews are like a no no? No hate to anyone i'm a secular guy but I think it's naive to do this.
Reply Hide All See All 9 RepliesBecause America's westward expansion was far less organized, albeit very effective. But there is a difference between "genocide" and "war casualties", even if America was the belligerent faction. America also had many movements and efforts to allow natives into American society. Many failed- such as initiative to give native americans land from the west as initiated by Chester Allen Arthur. The problem was that, though the land was given to individual tribe members but not the tribes themselves, the land was still sold off to white speculators.
It's qalso funny how people forget that the ones who initiated the act of wresting this country from its natives were European. But I get it; it's easier to merely demonize the US without looking at the big picture; were it not for greed and imperialism, the United States never would have existed.
wiped out a whole race? b***h we are still here, in behalf of all the people of native american descend i give you this f**k YOU
wiped out a whole race? b***h we are still here, in behalf of all the people of native american descend i give you this f**k YOU
Because winners write history. And f**k you, that's why.
Not only did America nearly wipe out the Native peoples, but we also have a day to celebrate it called "Thanksgiving"
Yes, we give thanks for genocide. It's pretty fucked up.
Probably wouldn't hurt to put a different face on the 20.
AmericanAztec, Hitler didn't kill all the Jews either, but it's still called a genocide.
Um, no, America did not wipe out a race. We just took land from them. For that matter, Hitler didn't wipe out a race, either. It may have been a goal of his, but he failed to achieve it.
That whole thing about demonizing Jew's wasn't an original idea by Hitler. It originated in Austria long before Hitler took over. He just adopted the idea and ruled the country with it.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesThe persecution of the Jews in some form began as early as the year 70 CE.
Pinhead win. Roman persecution of the Jews in 70 Common Era was the result of their war.
People that use CE deserve to be crucified
What's wrong with CE? Jesus isn't my lord.
Germany had interests other than the jews at that time. It's rather insulting to the other 50-70 million people that died that only the jewish deaths were tragic.
There's nothing wrong with BCE/CE. And unless you're in an academic context, there's nothing wrong with BC/AD either, unless you're a jag who still thinks AD means "after death".
The Merneptah stele mentions the destruction of a state or entity called "Israel" by the Egyptians, and was carved in the neighborhood of 1200 BC(E). Jews and Jew-like peoples have been getting kicked around for a long-ass time.
The Jews have been persecuted since, what, Egypt? Also everyone seems to forget that the death camps also housed blacks, homosexuals, and Gypsies. Everyone that a racist cocksniff would deem undesirable. And if you say the Gypsies earned it, f**k you.
Love, a proud Gypsy.
P.S.
We did kinda earn it.
lol wattylershead you're a retard dude lmao
ReplyUhh... why are people trying to defend hitler down in the comments?
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWhy not? They've got every right. Of course, we all have the right to disagree, so just do exactly that.
Because he did horrible things, but when you actually think about it it wasn't his fault but it was the French all along in a massive twist.
Some shyamalyan shit.
Because people like to be contrary and there's nothing more contrary than "Hitler wasn't all that bad"
You forgot the parts where he was abused by his father, got himself high on lots of meth, was Jewish and got only one ball.
ReplyYou forgot the syphilis.
Reply"When you call someone who's not been responsible for at least a hundred thousand deaths Hitler, you don't demonize them; you humanize Hitler"- Me, I think.
ReplyThen why quote it?
Yeah okay, Hitler.
its funny when you think about it, hitler said all this crap about why the country sucked and how they could make it better.then he had to get weird and added at the end"and f**k jews too". and whats funny is that everyone went with it like it made so much sense.
ReplyHe was "weird" from the start, before even mein kampf (so before his first elected term of power, where only there he could start implementing his policies). Aryanism was the foundation of his doctrine.
PS. Thanks for giving me an excuse to correct someone today, I needed that
Ghost - Hitler needed someone to blame for the loss of WW1 and the s****y state Germany was in at that point, Jews were an easy target because a lot of people already considered them thieving foreigners.
What i don`t get, is why people say Hitler`s is the most evil man ever. So he killed 6, million Jews. And that`s the most evil thing ever? What country hasn`t killed or persecuted Jews in the past? And he wanted to create "A Master-Race." Why the fuss over that? He got that idea from America. American eugenicists were some of his biggest admirers. At Nuremberg, the Nazis said they were copying American ideas. So why aren`t Americans war-criminals for inspiring the Nazis? And in 1970, America did a Nazi-style Euthanasia programme on Native Americans. Why isn`t that as bad as the Holocaust? The only reason people say he`s the most evil man ever, is because Israel and Jews keep banging on about the Holocaust. The Holocaust, in my opinion, is exagerated. People probably don`t know that Jews have been persecuted FOREVER. By Rome, England in The Middle Ages, Tsarist Russia and the Catholic Church. England even accused them of blood libels. Which even the Nazis didn`t do. So, why the fuss over Hitler?
Reply Hide All See All 13 RepliesIts literally because he was the "loudest" and most popular, our WW2 ally Stalin killed hundreds of millions of his own people through starvation prior to Hitler. His name just stuck and the whole our ally is worse than Hitler was motivation to keep it quiet.
Exaggerated? The Holocaust? Flush out your head gear, if anything it's actually being minimized. Sure six million Jews were killed, but they weren't the only people who could be found in the camps. Between five to nine million Soviet POWs/civilians, Romani, homosexuals, Polish civilians, the disabled, political opponents and even Jehova's Witnesses got the same treatment. It was a pretty big deal.
Also Hitler didn't cite our treatment of Native Americans as the reason why he thought the world wouldn't care, he pointed to the Armenian Genocide. On a related note I'm gonna need some sources to buy an American euthanasia program in the 1970's.
The only reason people say he's the most evil man ever, is because he organized death squads to eliminate undesirables. Stalin is definitely in the running for that title, but even he didn't have death squads and extermination camps.
Simply, history is written by the winners. Richard the Lionheart is considered a hero to this very day but he went around killing innocent people including Jews during the crusades. Hell,many Churches took in Jewish people to protect them from him. However, Hitler still committed countless horrendous acts that in no way can be excused. The interesting thing is though, he signed no documents at all allowing the crimes against humanity the nazis committed. He allowed it definitely, but he never officially allowed it.
I think most people know that the Jews have been persecuted since pretty much forever but the Holocaust was the EXTERMINATION of them on a massive scale. I wouldn't know if it's the biggest genocide the world has ever seen, but that's six million people gone in the course of a few years. And that's only the Jews, who weren't the only people he was responsible for killing.
As for the "Master-Race" yes it was the idea of Americans. But we didn't do anything with it (that I know of at least). There were awful experiments conducted on innocent people under his rule to create this "Master Race."
Maybe he wasn't the MOST evil man in history, but that doesn't mean the things he did weren't horribly awful.
And I'm not buying into the Native American Euthanasia in the 1970s. Where did you find about that from?
Why is it that pretty much everyone forgets that Joseph Stalin is said to have killed upwards of 40 million people for resisting his regime? Kind of makes Hitler pale in comparison..
First of all doctorshanks, its hard to kill hundreds of millions of people prior to someone if you came after him and didnt even have hundreds of millions to begin with. And its not like stalin invented starvation either
So shush, obviously all you know about stalin is what your drunken daddy shouted whilst hitting the kitchen table when someone talked bad bout nazis.
Also, yes stalin killed more people than hitler, but stalin was also reigning far longer and had a lot more people in his country.
also was it shocking for an industrialised country, even back then, who supposedly were all righteous and intelligent people to be brainwashed into tolerating and helping such evil deeds. Even though the masses didnt know everything, they had to notice a lot.
plus it was the probably most gruesome genocide of them all, as with hin, people became numbers and they were calculating how to kill most peole with the least work. There has never been such a systematic killing of people, before or after
Youd think itd be hard to find people who would kill a few hundred jews for you, but hitler created a society in which he had no problems finding a lot of volunteers what so f*****g ever.
And that is why hitler is evil.
At WatTylershead
Ooh you're so revisionist, bold and cool, and totally original (like those racist 13 year olds) and not even slightly retarded. Retard. I'm going to repeat again too, you need it : retard. Good thing you can't buddy up to hitler, he'd euthanize you for being such a pointless retard
Couillon, Hitler WAS a pointless retard. They'd get along fine. Someone else should have led the Germans to victory or shaped up the nation. Hitler was not the person to do that.
"So why aren`t Americans war-criminals for inspiring the Nazis?"
Same thing why J.D. Salinger shouldn't be executed for inspiring countless murderers. If being an inspiration is equal to the level of distortion idiots do to the original ideas, everyone on Earth should have been executed by now.
ya he did, they were called gulags :P
while your answers are all interesting i am going to put the record straight, it was the mustache, the mustache is why he is considered so evil.
If Hitler took inspiration from America, it's from the war in the Philippines, not from Native Americans.
Answering the question about sterilizing Americans: this was done, and it did persist until relatively recently. Wikipedia has an entry on it, and there have been books and articles written about it. People got the idea that poor people were poor because they were inherently inferior (rather than screwed over or unlucky). A woman named Carrie Buck was sterilized for no better reason than that she was indigent and some fool decided her daughter (who was completely normal) was mentally retarded. Others were tricked or coerced into agreeing to sterilization, based again on nothing more than socio-economic status and the police records of relatives. It basically concentrated on poor, non-white, or mentally retarded people, and it DID persist into the 1970s.
I really love the ending of this article.
ReplyAlso Hitler didn't create anti-semitism or even shove it down peoples throats, he jsut allowed people to be their true Jew hating selves.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesThat's what kind of sucks, right? I mean, he just said "The Jews did it" and everybody was instantly like "Yeah!" like he was giving them permission to be racist. They fucked up our country, it's okay to hate them and spit on them and beat em up in the streets, we're not gonna stop you...
even though the nazis passed the laws that made them second class citizens are murdered them in the camps, other than that, they just let people be themselves
You're pretty miss informed if you think that's true, even before the holocaust he ordered people to rewrite school books to portray jews as evil so children were implemented with those ideas, and while everyone in Germany was starving for over 20 years due to the rest of Europe going "fuck you Germany" after the first world war he basically said "the jews are responsible for everything bad that's happening". He definitely spread anti-semitism.
Yeah, there were plenty of children's stories he had commissioned to demonize the Jews.
Racism wasn't a thing in 1930's/1940's. Look how black people were treated in America in that time. We can look back and say it was racist, but at the time, people just acted that way, without consequence or guilt.
Should include something about all this new crap they're going on about - the skull they found wasn't actually hitlers, intelligence agencies were actively looking for him throughout the 50s, etc. That stuff sounds like it could be interesting. Loved the chart at the start, btw.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThey didnt "find" a skull, they removed it from his burnt body. Its well established and the new crap is just some dude trying to sell a book to Americans who will believe ANYTHING if it makes them think they have special knowledge.
Syn:
The remains of Hitler's skull were tested for three days at Connecticut university's center for applied genetics and the DNA was incontestably female. This isn't some case of outlandish claims being postulated upon with fringe evidence, it's simply an immutable fact. It's takes five seconds of research before realizing that basically no-one believes this skull in Russia is Hitler's any longer. You sir are an ass gasket!!
I was watching the (Military Channel? History Channel?) and a program came on where the Russians allowed a group of researchers to test the skull they believed was Hitlers.
Using DNA from a family member, they compared the skull to the DNA from what supposedly was his skull.
Turns out the skull belonged to a female.
Hitler was a rothschild...
ReplyI invoke Poe's Law. No one could be this stupid.