Animorphs

"Animorphs" is a children's book series now largely out of print due to overexposure of awesomeness, written by K.A. Applegate. The general population could not take the sillyness, the gore, and the pop culture references that made up "Animorphs".

Pull my finger

Just The Facts

  1. The most effective weapon against the Yeerks is oatmeal. To them, it's like LSD.
  2. The secret entrance to the underground Yeerk base is inside a McDonalds.
  3. These books were really published.

Intro

"Animorphs" is a children's book series that was published from 1996 to 2001 and written by K.A Apllegate. Apparently, children back then were really cold-hearted and bloodthirsty, with a taste for soul-crushing moral decisions, massacre on a large scale, and enough horrific happenings to fill several hundred therapy sessions. Oh, and one of the main characters is an addict. His soul was not strong enough to fight the sweet allure of a steaming Cinnabon. That's right. In between battles, he eats a shocking amount of Cinnabons. This series doesn't play around.

The plot revolves around a bunch of teenage children, who one day happened to be walking home together. At night. Through an abadoned construction yard. Because that's a fricken great idea! Not to anyone's surprise, they get into trouble. Who you gonna call? No one, you morons! You can't! You're walking through an abandoned construction site!

We don't help idiots

Sorry, we don't help idiots.

They see an alien spaceship crashland nearby, where they are greeted by an Andalite, a mixture of a scorpion, a deer, and a human. Andalites have no mouths, instead communicating with something called thought-speak. It's an awful lot like speaking... but with thought.

He tells them of the Yeerks, a parasitic species that can crawl into your ear canal, mush themselves around your brain, read every thought you've ever had, and control your every move. They are everywhere. Someone you know could be controlled by a Yeerk. These walking automatons are called controllers.

Your worst nightmare

Your worst nightmare

The Andalite, Elfangor, gives them, the teenagers, a mighty weapon to aid humanity in the fight against the Yeerks. The andalites, being far more scientifically advanced than us, have spent generations perfecting this technology. It's a weapon that will become the last hope of humanity. The ability to turn into bugs!.. And other animals! That's... mildly helpful!

Humanity's last hope

Humanity's last hope

He also explains to them the dark side of this power called morphing. If you stay in a morph for more than two hours, you can't change back into a human. For a power that's only mildly useful in the first place, this new rule brings it into the realm of strangely unhepful.

After giving the human children the power to turn into animals, thus saving mankind (somehow), another spaceship lands in the same area. Out steps Visser 3, leader of the Yeerk invasion force on earth. He is the only other Andalite controller in the world, and the most evil being in the galaxy. The human teenagers hide and watch while Visser 3 morphs into an alien monster and gobbles up Elfangor.

Visser 3 is soon joined by his alien horde, consisting of Hork-Bajir and Taxxons. Picture bladed velociraptors and giant worms with thousands of teeth. The now psychologically scarred teenagers wisely decide to get the hell out of there.

After talking it all out, they decided to throw all caution to the wind (ALL caution) and take on the Yeerks themselves. Apparently, everyone else in the world is busy. They then proceed to use their awesome morphing abilities throughout the series to disembowl many an alien and fight off the Yerk invasion, all while pondering the effect the ceasless killing will have upon their souls.

Killed more people than you

Killed more people than you.

The Characters

Jake

Jake is a kid with a natural air of authority about him, thus he becomes the de facto leader of the Animorphs group. He routinely comes up with all of the stunningly brilliant guerilla warfare plans. The majority of these plans result in near death experiences, include a shockingly large amount of stupidity, and take a hell of a lot of balls to pull off.

No, we battle our way through the army of bladed velociraptors, hijack the spaceship, crash it into the bigger spaceship, jump at the last minute, and hope to god we survive the 1000 foot drop.

No, we battle our way through the army of bladed velociraptors, hijack the spaceship, crash it into the bigger spaceship, jump at the last minute, and hope to god we survive the 1000 foot drop.

Marco

Marco, being the most reluctant member of the Animorphs, is the voice of wisdom in the group. He seems to exist simply for the sake of self-parody, always pointing out how bizarre the Animorphs' situations are, how the plans never work, and how ridiculously funny this is. Caught up in a universe full of insanity, he gives in and goes with the flow, laughing the whole time. His hobbies: making jokes in life or death situations. Sound familliar?

Wanna know how I got these scars? I used to be an Animorph.

Wanna know how I got these scars? I used to be an Animorph.

Rachel

Rachel is a snotty teen shopaholic, who could win a beauty pagent hands down. She is a stereotypical spoiled airhead, except for the fact that she can kick your ass eleven ways from sunday if you so much as look at her the wrong way. Hiding behind that normal exterior is a fierce and bloodthirsty warrior. As she spills more and more blood throughout the series, she must come to face that dark side of herself that delights in the glory of the slaughter. She is often referred to as "Xena Warrior Princess" by Marco.

But very illegal

Like this, but very illegal.

Tobias

Tobias is one of the stranger additions to the group. He was caught in the trap of the morphing technology, the two hour time limit. Stay in a morph more than two hours and you're stuck in it. He was stuck as a red-tailed hawk... Lucky bastard! You could so totally spy on chic- I mean, save the world. Yes, save the world.

He spends his down time in his field, where he lives and hunts. Though he's stuck in hawk morph, he still manages to do gruesome battle with the Yeerks, swooping down on them and scratching at their eyes. Throughout the series he must come to terms with how much of his human side he is losing to the hawk... Twelve year olds certainly can multitask.

Cassie

Cassie is strange in that she is the most peaceful of people, fighting a bloody war for the sake of humanity. She helps her father run a wildlife rehabiliation clinic, helps her mother take care of the animals at the local theme park, takes home stray cute things, hugs trees, and has killed by the time you were finally allowed to light the candles on a birthday cake.

Ax

Ax, full name Aximili Esgarrouth Isthill, is an Andalite and the brother of Elfangor, who was killed by Visser 3. He first appears in the fourth book of the series, and is rescued by the Animorphs from an underwater bubble. This is one of the more plausible plots.