Adam Lambert

So remember that gay guy who almost won American Idol last season. No? Neither did We. That's why I have decided to write this page on Adam. To sum him up in a few words, he is the king of cheap emos, twilight girls, and depressed gays.

You know, at first look he doesnt look so gay, oh wait nevermind.

Oh my God, he turned the soul patch gay. Howie Mandel has got to be really really angry.

It's too late, he has passed the point of no return.

Just The Facts

  1. The First thing you should know is that Adam Lambert is really gay, really really gay.
  2. He came in second place on the eighth-season of American Idol. (which probably means he'll do way fucking better than the guy who won.)
  3. Adam Lambert is Jewish.(How the hell is that even possible?)

Pre- American Idol

Lambert was born in Indianapolis, Indiana and later moved to San Diego California. (Also once home to Whoopi Goldberg.) Now Adam has been gay all of his life and did the gayest thing a kid in south California could do, DRAMA and MUSICALS. He would sing with the jazz band from his high school. I only have one question, why did Rolling Stone dedicate an entire article and front cover to Adam's coming out, It seems so obvious. Anyways like I was Saying, Adam has actually performed in Hebrew at Jewish events ( I wonder if they knew he was gay?) Fast-forwarding a few years, Adam then participated in some more plays and musicals.

American Idol

First I have to ask, is Paula Abdul the only person on the world who didn't know Adam was gay? Because it looked like she seriously wanted him to give her is hot beef injection. Anyways, at the time, Adam listed Madonna ( Bisexual), Michael Jackson (Child- molester), and David Bowie ( Ever seen Ziggy Stardust?) as his influences. He said that he decided to go audition for Idol after doing some shrooms at Burning Man. Yet another reason why it must be stopped. After reducing Paula to tears and giving Ryan plenty of chances to be a dousche, he ended up not winning which usually means that he will outsell whoever won creating some sort of paradox that no one understands and I don't care about.

Clay Aiken Hates His Singing

Ok, we understand. You guys are probably like "what the fuck does this have to do with anything?" Our answer is that we don't know. Anyways, the story goes like this, Clay Aiken (Gay) was watching Adam Lambert singing a song on American Idol and said this,"I happened to turn it [on] during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing 'Ring of Fire' and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed," Aiken replied. "Contrived, awful, and slightly frightening." Wow there are so many old sayings we could use here like, " The kettle is calling someone else black" or "Don't throw bricks in a glass house" or, and our personal favorite, "Shut the fuck up Clay Aiken!"