Bud Light

Bud Light is the most popular beer in the world. Considering that it tastes like somebody pissed in a jar of sun tea, that's obviously not because of its amazing flavor. Long story short? It's advertising; confusing but effective advertising.

Just The Facts

  1. Bud Light was first brewed in 1982. It is now the #1 selling beer in the world.
  2. It has an alcohol content of 4.2%. One of the lowest on the market.
  3. But look at the shiny things! And titties! Quick! Look at those shiny-ass titties! Drink Bud Light!

Marketing

Anheuser-Busch introduced Budweiser Light into the beer game back in 1982 (along with Natural Light and Michelob Light) to compete with the astoundingly popular Miller Lite. In a nutshell: A competitor released some shitty beer, and Anheuser-Busch was not about to let anybody corner the lucrative Shit Market on their watch, and thus was born Budweiser Light. By 1987 the name had changed to simply "Bud Light" and sales had drastically increased, but that damn Miller Lite still had market advantage. To settle once and for all who could make the best terrible beer, Bud Light decided to go after the "under 25" age group, and released that demi-god of marketing; the tragically enslaved, reluctantly partying, hot chick-boning, affront-against-God mascot we all came to love: Spuds Mackenzie.

Adults only.

Get drunk like this dog! What?

Astoundingly enough, commercials about a drunk dog seducing human women apparently really appealed to their demographic, and Bud Light sales took off out of control. They finally took command of the market in the early '90s, and stayed there until 2001.

What happened in 2001, you ask? Was a better beer finally released? Did the world come to their senses?

No, that's when Bud Light became the #1 selling beer in the entire god damn world.

It's hard to blame the consumer, though. After all, who could resist the Bud Light marketing juggernaut? It was an unstoppable beast that spewed forth incredibly popular, bafflingly unrelated advertising clauses like Spuds McKenzie, which operated under the completely logical philosophy that "Dogs like beer; so you should like Dog Beer!" Or who could forget that classic Budweiser Frogs campaign, which consisted of the totally sensical thesis: "Frogs like beer; you should like Frog Beer!" And of course there was the timeless "Wassup Guys," which showed us that several middle-aged Tourette's sufferers preferred Bud light, so of course it's delicious! But then it's also hard to blame Budweiser for their incomprehensible advertising campaigns; what else are they going to talk about - the uncompromising flavor, rich texture and high alcohol content? There are laws against fraud in advertising...

When to Drink Bud Light

There are times when drinking Bud Light is acceptable. For instance, it's time to enjoy a refreshing Bud Light if:

  • You don't like the taste of beer

  • You've just finished a marathon, and have a simultaneous need of hydration with your mild drunkenness in order to facilitate a socially acceptable, but non-deadly celebration.

"There's a party eight miles from here and I plan to be ready! Wooo!"

  • You come from a culture where alcohol is forbidden - like Islam or Utah.

  • It is literally the only beer in your entire town, and it's better than playing "the choking game" for getting fucked up on the cheap.
  • Hipsters ironically bought all the Pabst.