Coffee

-Under Construction-Coffee just LOOKS like a plain brown liquid, but it's a powerful stimulant that causes modern people to spend literally millions of dollars every year, chasing the buzz...

It's a cup of liquid life-force, and you know you want it...

Just The Facts

  1. Coffee is addictive.
  2. Starbucks is the crack dealer of coffee...on every corner...waiting to push their substandard product on any junkie who walks by...
  3. Expensive coffee is not always better coffee, though at least half of it probably is.
  4. We need more coffee for this table.
  5. Now.

It's Made Of Delicious Energy

Coffee is actually a plant, though it's not a "bean" really. What we call beans are the pits of a little fruit thing like a cherry. No one needs the fruit part though. You just take the middle out and roast it and grind it up. Then you have something that is as delicious as food but as addictive as crack. And you can make it every day. No matter how insane it makes you.

The Many Kinds of Coffee

Starting from the "beans" themselves, there can be lots of variation in what kind of coffee you end up with.

Regular - Just reg'lar coffee. Tastes good and gets you buzzed and awake.

Extra-Strength - WHOO!!! They refined it a South American narcotics lab or something, and made it super. Might taste good, or might taste like copper plates boiled in tar. Either way, it will get you wired. Maybe a heart attack too.

Decaf- Nooooo!!! This is an affront to nature, to culture, and to all that is good and holy. Avoid at all costs unless for some reason you just can't have any caffeine. You know what? That's fine. All the more real coffee for the rest of us!