Texting

I love texting. But it is completely retarded in and of itself. The way I use it is to make my conversations more efficient or quiet. But there are a lot of problems inherent with people who text message. Here are 3 reasons why texting sucks:

Do you think he got to send it before he crashed?

Texting- It's faster than talking...

Just The Facts

  1. Texting is impersonal.
  2. Texting can be deadly.
  3. Texting killed the english language.

Texting is impersonal and kind of lame.

Texting is the worst new way to discourage actual face-to-face peer interaction since the internet. Don't get me wrong, I love texting, because I see the value in texting. Most people don't understand why texting can be useful, and instead they use it as their only method of communication. I use it to talk to people when I cant actually talk to them, or when I have to send them only one quick thing and I don't want to call them about it. People have used texting for literally every other possible reason though. They use it to talk to people without the danger of vulnerability. Because only Chuck Norris could tell someone's feelings or emotions through a text message. Because with Chuck Norris, everyone feels fear... The rest of us puny humans have to constantly ask someone what they mean when we are texting, because we cant see their facial expressions or hear the inflections in their voice. This turns even the most discerning, poker king, mind-reading "Spocks" among us into Rainman. None of us can use our powers of reading people when it comes to text messaging. We simply have to guess what someone means, or assume that they are joking. So if you don't think that texting sucks, then it's probably because you are too much of a pansy to put yourself on the line with ACTUAL conversation.

Of course, the worst thing about texting is the role it now takes in relationships. Guys are now asking girls out via text message. Wait... WHAT??? That's right. ASKING. GIRLS. OUT. How cowardly is that? If you are in 3rd grade, then that is excusable. But then again, why do you even have a cell phone in 3rd grade? If you have ever asked someone out through a text message, then you should man up next time and ask them out like a real person. If I were asked out by text, I would assume that my phone was the one wishing to go out with me. That would teach them for trying to hide behind convenient technology... Even worse than that are the people who break up with people via text message. I mean, how pointless is that? Why wouldn't you tell them in person that you are sick of their guts? Seems like a stupid way to miss out on verbally abusing someone.

If this isn't enough to convince you that texting is kinda lame, then take for example "sexting." It's so popular that it got its own term! Yay! Also, it's totally weird and gross. If you are ever turned on by a text message then you should immediately seek help...

You could end up like this...

Or you could end up like him...

Texting is not for stupid people or preteens...

Texting is a method of talking that is used and abused by 90% of the teenage population. Unfortunately a shocking amount of teenage drivers don't care for road laws, such as speed limit, stopping, or ever using your turn signal. Mix this crappy driving with texting behind the wheel and...

It seems like people are more concerned with talking to their friends than they are with living. It's not even just in the U.S. check it out...

To be fair, he didn't die in a fiery crash. But still, it was rather stupid of him. Shockingly though, this kind of thing is not uncommon. Lots of people have gotten in accidents because of texting while driving. I just don't understand WHY THESE PEOPLE CANT ACTUALLY CALL PEOPLE??? What is so unimportant that you literally cannot speak the words, and are forced to type them? What could you possibly be saying that is more important than living?

Texting killed the english language...

Uh-oh... Oh yes, I went there. You know it's true. Texting has spawned more retarded, misspelled slang words than 4chan.org (don't go to that site by the way, it is weird...). Here is a quick list of "words" that you have probably used:

LOL

LMAO

LMFAO

FML

ROTFL

ROTFLOL

IDK

OMG

OMFG

L337

Believe it or not, there are waaaay more text slang words than this. Enough to fill a page. Well someone already filled that page, so I won't be kicking a dead horse. Go google it. Anyway, the point is, if texting is so annoying to us that we don't even want to type full words anymore, then why do we text? If we could keep our slang words in text messages alone, instead of actually saying, "Oh em gee..." then I wouldn't have a problem with it. But we insist on bridging the gap between texting and talking. We insist on saying these stupid phrases, maybe because it separates us from the old people in the room who have no clue what we are saying. They probably think that LOL still stands for "Lots of Love" (It did people, I promise). But I need to find whatever person out there invented these slang terms and decided to start using them in real life. I owe them a big punch in the sternum...

The other BIG problem with texting that is slowly draining the life out of English teachers everywhere is the neglect of proper grammar when texting. Instead of typing that pesky apostrophe or capitalizing that "i" we would rather not hit that ONE KEY and do it right. Although we can probably blame a lot of this on lolcatz. If you don't know what lolcatz is, here you go:

Basically, the trend is to take a retarded picture of your cat, glue a caption onto it, and spread that crap on the internet like cancer. But, to be fair, there are rules. The caption cannot use any capitalization, every "s" becomes a "z", "have" becomes "haz", etcetera etcetera (you probably didn't know that "etc" stood for something, did you?) you get the picture. All of these things are responsible for killing the english language, but I would say that the major contributor would have to be laziness. When we are texting, it is far more simple to say, "i got so wasted last nite, 4 realz. wut r u doin?" than it is to say, "I drank so much alcohol last night that I became inebriated, I am serious. What are you doing right now?" Nobody is debating that, but when you send me a text that is so ridiculous that I cant translate it, then you are crossing the line. Drunk texting is one thing, (or should I say "drumpk" texting) but if you purposefully say something stupid like that to make your message shorter, then I am going to harvest your organs...

So, if there is a lesson to be learned here today, then it is this: Don't abuse texting. If you find yourself resembling any of the stupidity I talked about, cancel your phone service and go contemplate your life.