Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila is what happens when the concept of Internet fame crosses paths with the fall of Western civilization.
Just The Facts
- The only person in the world for whom appearing in "I Remember The 00s" will be a step up.
- Cameoed as a Hooters Girl in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry"; the first time the cameo was more authentic than the actor.
- Conspiracy theorists suggest she's a secret U.S. Army attempt to combine every STD in existence into an ultimate biological weapon. Naysayers point out U.S. Army projects never work that well.
Reality Television
Her first TV appearance was on Surviving Ted Nugent, which was actually a step down from working on Playboy where she only implicitly agreed with sexist assholes. She went on to host Pants Off Dance Off, a show where people strip on national TV for the chance to perhaps win $200, making it the first reality TV show numerically worse than stripping. Even this show ditched her as too cheap by the third season.
A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila started with her dating 32 people in one night and went downhill from there. It combined frat boy assholes with lesbians, which you might remember as the plot to Dumbass Jock Comedy #7, but without the same level of artistic integrity. The only thing sadder than the second season winner not wanting her, and the third season not even having her, is that the first season winner, Bobby Banhart, was surprised when she didn't actually call him back. Making him the first person in all of history to try to get Tila but fail.
The Stalker
Tila's next reality TV show will be Real Life With Tila, which abandons even the pretense of concept and fulfils her dream of having a camera crew just follow her 24/7. It's been delayed as she moves home because of the least ambitious stalker in the entire world. Stalking Tequila is like ambushing rain--why would you bother to hunt her, when you could walk up with a camera crew and just wait for her to jump on you?
go eat a bag of dicks, spambots!!!
Reply"bag of dicks". Horrifying to actually picture in your mind, yet is able to keep a touch of class and hilarity about it. I'll accept it.
My dick loves her, my brain does not. I guess that's really all I have to say. I feel like the only time she should open her mouth is when I have something for her to put in it. Also, what's with all the SpamBots on cracked? I'd like to see exactly how much money they make off of this sort of advertisting. I can't imagine it's very much; do people see "Ed Hardy shirts for $25.00" and click the link, putting both their computer and their integrity at risk?
ReplyNo, its because they're trying to boost there search engine results(when your website is featured by other websites, even in comments, it gets boosted)
'Least she has the good sense to realize how stupid everything about her is and appear as herself on a Robot Chicken skit where she is a T-1000 whose creators designed her to resemble a "pre-pubescent alien whore."
ReplyThen she gets right back to being an attention whore.
Le sigh.
"LEBARON!!!!!" Classic.
I would do her any time any where
Reply Hide All See All 5 Replieshow about right now in top of your grandma
Dude tell you what chop off your dick and go hop in a vat of needles outside a hospitpal thats the aftermath....do you still think its worth it?
on top of your grandma at her funeral
i would'nt touch that with a koala's d!ck
might need a special HAZMAT condom, but yeah i'd do it. lol then again she is pocket size, so i doubt it.
ReplyWelcome to----------------- http://www.29usd.com ----------------------------------
All kinds of world brand shoes,jeans,t-shirts,bikini,beach pants,handbags,wallets,sunglasses,belt,caps,watches etc..
---------------have some cheap things ...---------------------
---------------have some good christmas gift ...---------------------
--------------------------- free shipping!
If you think this site is good, can you put this site to collect bookmarks or other places, easy to find...
F**k you spambots!I'm not buying your stupid s**t, ever.
ReplyWelcome to----------------- http://www.29usd.com ----------------------------------
All kinds of world brand shoes,jeans,t-shirts,bikini,beach pants,handbags,wallets,sunglasses,belt,caps,watches etc..
---------------have some cheap things ...---------------------
---------------have some good christmas gift ...---------------------
--------------------------- free shipping!
If you think this site is good, can you put this site to collect bookmarks or other places, easy to find...
And all of this s**t is cheaper quality than Tila herself.
http://www.ihatestacy.com/index.php?id=67b236c7f417b464be3fd702e5135d89
Replyhttp://www.ihatestacy.com/index.php?id=4d2da110bbc44fab24f2a08965138541
Replyhttp://www.9elife.com
ReplyAir jordan(1-24)shoes $33
UGG BOOT $50
Nike shox(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35
Handbags(Coach lv fendi d&g) $35
Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16
Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30
Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $16
New era cap $15
Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25
FREE sHIPPING
http://www.9elife.com
Sugarscupidc 0 m!!! Exchange your wife to enjoy the new round of incentives. and the happiness of sex
Reply*********************************** ****i came here for a sugar daddy who likes to spoil me, a young sex and hot woman. i also
created an account CuteNPetite on the Sugar Daddy seeking place
http://www.sugarscupid.com !!!!!!!!"recently. you may want to check out my hot photos there.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!！
Christmas is around the corner: And old customers can also enjoy the gifts sent by my company in a can also request to our company. Gifts lot,Buy more get the more。Only this site have this treatment
ReplyOur goal is "Best quality, Best reputation , Best services". Your satisfaction is our main pursue. You can find the best products from us, meeting your different needs.
http://www.dudemalls.com
New to Hong Kong : Winter Dress
---**** NHL Jersey Woman $ 40 ---**** NFL Jersey $ 35
---**** NBA Jersey $ 34 ---**** MLB Jersey $ 35
---**** Jordan Six Ring_m $36 ---**** Air Yeezy_m $ 45
---**** T-Shirt_m $ 25 ---**** Jacket_m $ 36
---**** Hoody_m $ 50 ---**** Manicure Set $ 20
HOT SELL Product Brand is below:
Nike Air Jordan(1-25)/Jordan Six Ring/Jordan Fusion/Nike Shox/Air Max/AF1/Dunk: $32
Polo/Ed Hardy/Lacoste/Ca/A&F ……T-shirt:
Coach /Gucci/Lv/Ed Hardy/D&G/Fendi ……Handbag:$35
Christian Louboutin/Lv/Ed Hardy/Gucci/Coach/Lacoste/ Timbland……
True Religion/Coogi/Evisu/Ed Hardy/Prada ……Jeans:$30
New era/Gucci/Ed hardy ……cap : $13
Okely/Coach/D&G/Fendi/Gucci/Armani ……sunglass:$15
Nike shoes: 32$, True Religion jeans:30$, Ed Hardy, t-shirts:12$, NFL Jersey:20$,Boots UGG:50$
Welcome to Shopping →→→ http://www.dudemalls.com
I wish you a happy shopping
I can't stand her. I refused to watch that show. Those people are pathetic.
ReplySellbits.com - "The Simple Way To Sell"
i've master baited to her once... she wasn't that great.
ReplyI caught the clap just by jerking off to her.
So what kind of pandemic would we have on our hands if she was in front of the same camera os Paris Hilton?
Replythe first ever HD celebrity lesbian sex video?
Without the internet Tila Shitila would be founding new ant colonies.
ReplyWhat Cracked Magazine Would Be Doing Without The Internet..
ReplyOh i dont know... running a magazine for 20 years maybe? in 20 years how many people will remember this vacant airbrushed cunt?
Glass houses people. Let's not pretend that "What Cracked Magazine Would Be Doing Without The Internet" would be any more lucrative. At least Tila's options involve actually making money.
ReplyOMG! - I cannot believe that you went there but you did and I just have to say, OK, like free speech is free and all, but step back! Maybe Tila is not Hilary Clinton, or whatever, but she is close. The fact is that Tila has done more to expose the needs of the Bi-Sexual Part-Asian Part-Alien community than anyone else on the planet has dared, and I totally respect and admire her for that.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesIt is not easy for her to deal without the Internet, but it is also not easy for anyone today, as we all know since you and I are both writing on it, right? I don't think that people like Bill Gates or Harlan Ellison would get very far without it either.
And just because she is not afraid to strut her stuff on TV that does not make her a slut. The fact that she sleeps with everyone she meets makes her a s**t, but we have to respect her right to be a s**t and not be slut-ist, judging her from our ivory towers.
Anyway, making fun of Tila now that she is getting totally spiritual and at the same time having tremendous difficulties dealing with her totally irresponsible household staff is just a low blow, and, like, beneath you, which is where Tila might be if you gave her half a chance.
I think your real issue is that she has removed you from her friends list, but if you are like nice to her, I am sure she'd take you back on because she is cool like that.
Carrie Cognac
"what you don't understand is that you don't have to understand to understand"
I might actually wish to do a point-by-point rebuttal of your morality high-horsing, but suffice to say:
Cracked is a humor/satire site. The implications of such a phenomenon means that intellectual and ethical discourse does not work here. This is another outpost of idea, a bastion of Anonymous as good as 4chan, but at least more discursive albeit with its own logic (which is what Anonymous is). Conventionality does not work here, so to be frank about it, the defense is irrelevant. To assert political correctness in the realm of the web public is problematic, as the practice of politics is impossible in a non-political entity as the internet.
I'm pretty sure it was all sarcastic, man. No rebuttals needed.
Yeah, the fact that their name is Carrie Cognac makes me feel that it's a joke. (C-cuz it's an alliterative name that has to do with alcohol, y'see.)
Its true that she has done some great things. Also, she is really hot. Personally I don't see why this article rips on her so much. This is Cracked, so its expected that they will make fun of people, but they went a little bit too far on this one. I was expecting something better, like the Pamela Anderson article. Overall, I think Carriecognac should have written this article lol
I legit didn't realize this was a troll until i got to the fourth paragraph. nicely done.
And she's the only one of those kinds of women shoved in our faces I find attractive because she's not some bleached blonde bag of silicone and mediocre white standard of attractiveness- at least her breasts are tastefully sized instead of retardedly sized. No idea how a site that worships mindless tittage and assage from nameless broads could hate Tila. That's so hypocritical. What makes her different from all the centerfolds endorsed on this site. All those women are whores and there's nothing wrong with fucking- by definition most men ARE whores.
ReplyI don't get the Tila Tequila hate. She's just like every other sex object pushed at men/boys. Why hate just her? Pamela Anderson is more worthless. Carmen Electra, all those other nameless women famous just for having titties and being masturbation fodder for boys. C'mon. That's bullshit. Pretty much every "hot" chick out there who's only talent is being "hot" is just like Tila. Why hate on her?
ReplyPamela Anderson atleast has some acting talents and is, or actually was, quite hot years ago.
"being masturbation fodder for boys"--That's just it, this b***h isn't masturbation fodder for anything living or death.