Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila is what happens when the concept of Internet fame crosses paths with the fall of Western civilization.

Tila in an world without the Internet, prior to being disarmed by the hobo-bouncer from the bar she dances at.

Just The Facts

  1. The only person in the world for whom appearing in "I Remember The 00s" will be a step up.
  2. Cameoed as a Hooters Girl in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry"; the first time the cameo was more authentic than the actor.
  3. Conspiracy theorists suggest she's a secret U.S. Army attempt to combine every STD in existence into an ultimate biological weapon. Naysayers point out U.S. Army projects never work that well.

Reality Television

Her first TV appearance was on Surviving Ted Nugent, which was actually a step down from working on Playboy where she only implicitly agreed with sexist assholes. She went on to host Pants Off Dance Off, a show where people strip on national TV for the chance to perhaps win $200, making it the first reality TV show numerically worse than stripping. Even this show ditched her as too cheap by the third season.

A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila started with her dating 32 people in one night and went downhill from there. It combined frat boy assholes with lesbians, which you might remember as the plot to Dumbass Jock Comedy #7, but without the same level of artistic integrity. The only thing sadder than the second season winner not wanting her, and the third season not even having her, is that the first season winner, Bobby Banhart, was surprised when she didn't actually call him back. Making him the first person in all of history to try to get Tila but fail.

The Stalker

Tila's next reality TV show will be Real Life With Tila, which abandons even the pretense of concept and fulfils her dream of having a camera crew just follow her 24/7. It's been delayed as she moves home because of the least ambitious stalker in the entire world. Stalking Tequila is like ambushing rain--why would you bother to hunt her, when you could walk up with a camera crew and just wait for her to jump on you?