Car Modifications
Modifying your car: the big boy version of decorating your Trapper Keeper.
Just The Facts
- Modified cars are like pornstars: way more spent on appearance than anything useful and they're screwed very quickly.
- Boy racers think the ability to drive comes preinstalled into their testicles like the urge to masturbate, but they're far better at the latter (and because of the car likely to remain so).
- Modifiers value looks over function, which is odd for people who look like that.
- These are people who not only enjoy Fast & Furious but spend money to be more like it, delivering a more damning indictment of capitalism than Marx ever managed.
The "Ricer Ratio"
The cost of the add-ons divided by the worth of the actual car. Usually pumped up by thousand-dollar rims connected to an engine outperformed by the average pram; spoilers which wouldn't work if the car was bolted to an F-5 falling off a cliff; and less regard for maintenance than James Bond in an enemy tank.
Boy Racer vs. Tuner
Some people genuinely improve their automobiles with intelligent upgrades and precision tuning. The division between idiot boy racers and intelligent tuners is "Did you buy rims?"
Another excellent question is "Do you need to modify your car?" There's an easy way to tell: ask your pit crew. If they say no, the answer is "No." If they don't exist the answer is "Of course not, dumbass."
The Exhaust Thing
Yes, it's unoriginal, but no, it's not a joke. if you have ever done anything to the exhaust or muffler to make your engine sound bigger, then you have an insignificant penis in terms of both scale and effect. Yours is the Will Ferrell of genitals: only good for making people laugh, and even then, only for short periods. And the stuff you've been doing recently is terrible.
Drowning kitten? You make me sad.
ReplyOMG, the will ferrell of genitals. I laughed coffee out of my nose on that one. Still, at least he's better than the current case of saturday night live. They are like the genitals of a castrati
Replyperhaps still present, but utterly useless.
Someone needs to take some old beat up car, then replace the outer-hull with carbon fiber. Spray paint and sun fade the new parts, then go zipping down the road. If you get into an accident (which the car is just daring you to do, since you just lowered it's weight so much you can lift it), your car will hardly take a dent.
ReplyWhere have the tasteful modifications gone? Why not start with a car with some performance to begin with? Why do these people look at an economy car and think "Race car!" Upon obtaining their Civic, Neon, Corolla, ect... with 250,000 miles on it, the body kit they purchase is heavier than the factory peices, is overpriced, and finally, is nothing more than a glorified snow plow. The shortened factory coil springs are another stupid touch. They add a gigantic exhaust tip with removed muffler, so it sounds like swarm of hornets in a coffee can. And we can't forget those rims and stereo system that obviously are worth three times the amount their parents paid for the car. I do appreciate the honest tuned car though.
Replyhaha I had a (original) Neon and I hated it for that simple fact that it was a Neon. Now I have a (original) Corolla and it's actually pretty good at interstate racing without mods. No angry bees in my engine. No body kit. No rims. No underside lights. The stereo gets kinda loud (factory made) but the sound proofing of the car is excellent!
LMAO... take that Ricers. I drive an Audi... a real goddamn car!
ReplyTurbo-goodness
loving the picture
Replyhttp://www.icfshop.com Christmas is around the corner: And old customers can also enjoy the gifts sent by my company in a can also request to our company. Gifts lot,Buy more get the more。Only this site have this treatmentOur goal is "Best quality, Best reputation , Best services". Your satisfaction is our main pursue. You can find the best products from us, meeting your different needs.New to Hong Kong : Winter Dress ---**** NHL Jersey Woman $ 40 ---**** NFL Jersey $ 35 --**** NBA Jersey $ 34 ---**** MLB Jersey $ 35 ---**** Jordan Six Ring_m $36 ---**** Air Yeezy_m $ 45 ---**** T-Shirt_m $ 25 ---**** Jacket_m $ 36 ---**** Hoody_m $ 50 ---****Manicure Set $ 20 HOT SELL Product Brand is below: Nike Air Jordan(1-25)/Jordan Six Ring/Jordan Fusion/Nike Shox/Air Max/AF1/Dunk: $32 Polo/Ed Hardy/Lacoste/Ca/A&F ……T-shirt:Coach /Gucci/Lv/Ed Hardy/D&G/Fendi ……Handbag:$35 Christian Louboutin/Lv/Ed Hardy/Gucci/Coach/Lacoste/ Timbland……True Religion/Coogi/Evisu/Ed Hardy/Prada ……Jeans:$30 New era/Gucci/Ed hardy ……cap : $13 Okely/Coach/D&G/Fendi/Gucci/Armani …sunglass:$15Nike shoes: 32$, True Religion jeans:30$, Ed Hardy, t-shirts:12$, NFL Jersey:20$,Boots UGG:50$ Welcome to Shopping →→→ http://www.icfshop.com I wish you a happy shopping
Replycivics suck. camrys suck. sentras suck. hyundais suck.
Replyhahahahahahahahahaha, so f*****g true
ReplyCOMPLETELY agree with this article. You could also do the same with a vauxhall corsa or citroen saxo. 17 year old chavs add s****y rims and exausts to a 1.2. It makes me feel ashamed to be a teenager.
ReplyI'd leave my s****y car s****y whilst I'm driving. Due to insurance you can't afford to do anything else. If you want to look 'cool' or 'hard' stick a car on your driveway and work on it till you can afford to drive it. Simple.
Well, I conclude that my ancestors beat the s**t out of yours in the rev. war, then kept your s****y country from being taken over not once, but twice you cheeky bastards. You should lick my American nuts for not having to speak German, you "dumbasses".
ReplyAnd you can thank us for not speaking Cherokee Indian, hun.
Pedgerow, he spelt "dumbass" as in "dumbdonkey", as opposed to "dumbposterior". We can conclude he's American.
ReplyIs Luke McKinney English? This article felt like it was written in British English, but not being American myself, I don't know exactly how you colonial barbarians actually speak.
ReplyDon't forget how the cheap body vibrates and rattles against the cheapo sub-woofer when they crank the music up. At least you can hear the douchebags coming
Reply"The division between idiot boy racers and intelligent tuners is "Did you buy rims?"" Just to play Devil's Advocate, buying lightweight rims to replace the usually heavy stock rims is one of the simplest and most effective performance improvements you can make. The first bit of inertia for the drivetrain to overcome is the wheels and rims, so the lighter, the better.
ReplyNow spinners on the other hand...
Spot on about the ricers. I must say, though, that I wasn't comepensating for anything when I put a set of glasspacks on my '69 Hemi Roadrunner. Really.
Replyhahaha good s**t
ReplySo true. While we're on the subject of obnoxious cars, I have a unique hatred toward "bros" and their lifted, more than fully equipped Ford F-250FUCKINGTHOUSAND truck, oh and did I mention it's fully equipped? Sorry bro, it's just kind of hard to take you seriously when you're in high school, driving a car that exceeds a budget that most sheeples only dream of, only because MOMMY AND f*****g DADDY are footing the bill. Do you even go four wheeling and dirt biking like the gigantic decal covering the entire flippedy doo dah back windshield implies you do? Maybe it's just a ploy for you to reel in the "bro hoes" but we'll never know for sure. By the way, if you don't immediately know who I'm referring to by "bro" and "bro hoe", please visit your local UrbanDictionary.com for the definition. I know, I should have more creditable sources, but hey, it's the right definition that counts!
ReplyYou forgot the obligatory "Stupid Mexican that thinks his life is worth something, though not quite as much as his $29 Walmart spoiler/rim combo." Welcome to New New Mexico, America.
ReplyHere in Los Angeles it's mostly east Asian kids who this sort of idiocy, not Mexicans.
in NYC here, it's usually the japs and other asians as well as puerto ricans that're into this horseshit, lol
"Yours is the Will Ferrell of genitals: only good for making people laugh, and even then, only for short periods. And the stuff you've been doing recently is terrible."
ReplyLOL. This article was awesome.