Why Facebook Sucks
Facebook, the online social networking thingy, sucks because it gives immature people permission to inflict the world with their narcissistic and attention-seeking behavior.
Just The Facts
- Facebook is like a bathroom wall that everyone writes on except real bathroom walls are more interesting.
- Facebook gives needy people a place to go(without actually getting off their presumably fat asses) where everyone knows their name. Like "Cheers" sans booze and good writing.
- Facebook is like masturbating: nobody's stimulated except you.
The Users
Masters of Baiting or "Master-Baiters": These are the folks who post things like "At the ER. Probably getting stitches" or "(Username) just did something he regrets" without any further details or information. These kinds of posts are inevitably followed by dozens of comments like "OMG what happened?" "I hope you're okay" "I'm praying for you" and it just goes on and on. Back in the old days of voicemail, a true friend would never leave a message saying "At the ER..." or "I just did something..." and leave it at that. These kinds of messages would have solicited annoyance and accusations of immaturity and histrionic tendencies. In other words: "Hey, it's me. Don't fucking leave me vague messages and get me all worried you little drama queen!"
Horror Scorers: These are users who post things like "My grandma died 13 years ago today" or "My sister has cancer". The comments roll in: "I'm so sorry" , "My prayers are with you", "I didn't know you had a sister because I barely know you but I'm thinking of you today." The poster isn't dead. The poster doesn't have cancer YET the poster gets worldwide sympathy. Blow. Me.
Combo Platters: Instead of posting "My sister has cancer" these users take it one more step by baiting for comments saying "I'm thinking about my family and I'm sad". This could be the worst sort of user: I'll score sympathy from someone else's pain and I'll bait you into wondering what the hell is going on. This wouldn't be shocking if I were writing about teenage users but these are middle-aged professionals. This unapologetically self-centered behavior probably leads fundamentalists of all religions to point to Facebook and say "This proves it: the world is coming to an end in 2012."
The Quizzes
What kind of fucking whore are you? Take the quiz! What kind of fucking whore do you think I am? Maybe the kind who doesn't give a flaming flying fuck about what kind of fucking whore I am! Which Golden Girl are you? Which Partridge Family member? Which Seinfeld Character? Which herbivore? Which Serial Killer? My God! Read a fucking book! Please! Maybe that's why they call it Facebook because it subliminally suggests that one has spent time with an actual book. REAL BOOKS ARE BETTER!
If I Wanted to see you, I'd see you
I know that there are probably many users who use Facebook who don't have personality disorders but sadly I have not met or "friended" any of them. It comes down to this: if I haven't seen or heard from you in 10 years, don't count on me to attend your funeral or your daughter's wedding.
What the f**k is up with the bandwidth wasting images?
Replymewahaha (he says as he connects with his facebook account...)
ReplyTalk about hassles, try signing up here, every time you try to create a user name that some other idiot already used without your permission, you have to retype ALL your info over again, these folks must be related to Marky Suckerberg.
ReplyI hate FB for numerous reasons, nr. 1 it is NOT user friendly, I am perhaps the only one on the internet that when I read something from someone or post something, and have given it a day or two to be read or responded to, I DELETE IT, doing my part to keep the web CLUTTER FREE. Every time I log in, it's all back again, and that's as phuq'd up as can possibly be. Links are missing, the links for video and links are missing, they are there on my anonymous account, but not in my main acct. NEXT, I don't give out my phone number to strangers, I have tried to give out a Google phone number, they are somewhat smart, that I must say, so again, I'm phuq'd, can't confirm an account.
FB is truly as messed up as can possibly be, and yeah, I agree, it is for those living in trailers or run down neighborhoods. Those that don't maintain their property, slobs in other words. Those that never dust, vacuum or iron their non matching holy clothes.
Hey, but it's working for Marky Suckerberg, how many BBBBBBILLIONS is he worth now?
Facebook will send you this warning before suspending your account permanently. Read it and wonder, Facebook - the social network where making friends is not allowed!
ReplyYour account will be permanently disabled if you do not follow these guidelines:
Do not use the site to contact strangers through the Messages feature, friend requests, or other avenues.
Do not send messages or friend requests to strangers for the sole purpose of increasing membership in your Facebook Groups, Events, or Pages.
Do not send messages or friend requests to strangers to gain advantage in games or apps on the Facebook Platform.
Do not use the site to recruit or network with strangers for the purpose of promoting your business, event, or other opportunity.
Do not provide false information on your Facebook account. Your account must accurately reflect your real identity, including your real first name and last name.
I met my wife on Facebook. As soon as they create an application for it, we're going to consummate our love on it as well.
ReplyAlso, it's the most impersonal way to communicate with someone. I like face to face interactions. I don't want to have a cheap relationship online where if I saw you on the street I wouldn't hang out with you!
ReplyFacebook is fun enough, but it seriously causes SO much drama. I agree with everything on this list. |D
ReplyThat said, I will still use FB. It's convenient despite its problems.
In other words, you're lazy.
i agree that people can be retarded but that doesnt mean theyre all assholes. you just got to stop being anal and appreciate the good parts. as far as i know cracked has a facebook page too.
ReplySorry but I disagree. facebook is actually great! its fun to do when your bored. talk to your friends faster too.Also my adopted aunt who is in her 30's found her REAL sisters by facebook and connected with them after never knowing them or speaking to them before. so facebook is ok its not like the best thing ever but to my Aunt it probably is.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesGET A LIFE LOSER
Ok. I;ll get right on that. Yes, I WILL get a life. Thanks for that. Really.
yah B*atches
I AGREE 100% man! I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate facebook. I mean whats the big deal exploiting all your info, feelings, personal stuff etc to others. Gimmie a break. I have so many 'so called friends' who are urging me to join the facebook. But i don give a fuck. as i said i agree with you. Face boook and other sites like that suck.
Replyand the quizzees, personal feeling sharing...what is this therapy class? NOw i have been to a shrink and all..but i prefer the shrink than this thing.
I agree with this topic SO much! I have people trying to be my friend on Facebook that I never have even heard of, and they give me no clues as to how they know me if they even do. Most of the time you can't even view profiles. Myspace sucks too, but it's WAY better then Facebook.
Reply