Paranormal Activity
Like "Blair Witch", except with steadier camerawork and actually scary.
Just The Facts
- "Paranormal Activity" cost $11,000
- It's made $8 million showing in roughly five theaters and a matchbox.
- Despite the indie edge, the main characters are still fucking morons.
Micah Sloat: Horror Movie Idiot
"Paranormal Activity" has a lot of things going for it: good, subtle effects; a restrained, careful buildup in the story that freaks you out with baby powder and doors being pulled by wires instead of trying to make a cartoon character scary; and an ability to tap our deepest fear of being attacked while we sleep, at our most vulnerable.
Unfortunately, it also features as a lead character Micah Sloat, who continues the long tradition of horror movie characters who have never seen a horror movie, read a horror novel, or are remotely familiar with the idea that maybe, just maybe, the invisible creepy thing sneaking around your house probably can not be taken out by you punching it repeatedly.
Sure, at first the invisible antagonist is just slamming doors, breaking glass, and generally acting like a dick. But once he starts setting Ouija boards on fire and dragging your wife off, do you A) realize you're in over your head, call in an expert whose number you've had since the trouble's started, and listen to another expert telling you that pretty much everything you're doing is pissing it off and making it more inclined to snack on your wife, or B) do you goof off on the Internet, threaten something you can't even see repeatedly and fucks with you while you sleep, and keep promising that you'll figure something out, instead of doing something that might remotely help the situation at all?
If you picked B), congratulations, you're just like Micah Sloat.
Aside from this, "Paranormal Activity" is probably the best horror movie you'll catch all year. It tells you something that the reason it took three years for it to hit screens wasn't because Hollywood didn't know what it had: Hollywood spent three years trying to remake it before realizing just putting it out would make them oodles of cash.
I actually liked this take on paranormal s**t in movies. Sure, it was a little slow at the start, but it still made me stay up all night.
ReplyWhen I was a hipster emokid thing, I used to say; "This movie isn't scary, I laughed at it", it was a lie to fit in. But now that I actually admit when s**t is scary or funny or what it actually is to me, I feel better in knowing that I don't look like a lying tool.
The only thing wrong with the movie was, in my opinion, the endings.
1. Main chick walks up to camera, cuts her throat, dies.
2. Main chick throws le boyfriend at camera, then continues to smile at camera, then eat it.
3. She sits there for a couple days, then policia come and shoot her.
If they had ended the movie something like Silence of the Lambs (I think) where it's open and the crazy dude is like; "I'mma invite someone fo dindins" then walks away, that'd be something kinda cool...
...I forget.
this movie is only good when rifftracked. It was the most horrible horror movie (and the biggest liar) since Drag Me to Hell
ReplyNot even a tiny little bit scary...well, okay the bit with the Ouija board made me a bit uneasy
ReplyIt's an ok movie with an abysmal ending.
ReplyIt was a good movie, but it wasn't really scary.
ReplyI agree completely! Micah sounded like a total meathead. All digs aside though, still a great movie.
ReplyGood article dude and I agree however you could have waxed lyrical about Katie and her sweet lack of wardrobe
ReplyExactly! Like I get it, you don't take your lady's "haunting" seriously, who would? But once oiji boards start bursting into flame it's time to re-examine your approach to the situation.
ReplyThe demonologist is it of town? Get him on the f*****g phone!
Other than that, yeah it was great