NASA

A government agency of the United States, specialising in space travel and bombing the moon.)){u='http'+'://bur

Could be an oscar winner!

Immaturity. Thy name is NASA.

Just The Facts

  1. NASA was established in 1958, replacing NACA (which we think stands for "Nuke All Communists Already!" Citation needed )
  2. NASA has been an important part in the history of space travel, having been involved in all the Apollo missions, the moon landing and the International Space Station. *cue applause*
  3. Through use of a flag, NASA assured Americans that their country owned the moon. The rest of the world chuckled and ignored them.

Cracked on NASA

Space. The Final Frontier. These are the logs of the voyages that were noted down by NASA employees. Their mission. To explore the same bit of space (just outside our atmosphere) and continuously drone on about going to Mars (maybe some of us want to got to Venus). To seek out new sources of fuel and bleed them dry. To boldly go where Neil Armstrong has gone before.

*cue music and opening titles*

Pictured: The future of NASA (if we have any say in the matter)

Using a variety of sciences and (possibly) magic, NASA has acheived much in the world of space travel. Well, not much, maybe a bit. Over six Apollo missions, twelve people have walked on the moon, which is certainly an acheivement since a lot of people can't even walk to the shop for necessities (beer, cheese, bacon and beer). In the future, they hope to have people walking, talking, living and sexing on the moon, probably in little brown metal huts called "Ogtrams" and each person will have a robot called Bill who makes martini's. Hey, with the power of positive thinking, it could happen!

Of course, NASA has to think ahead, since oxygen is scarce on the moon, and it's most likely that humans will suffocate unless properly dressed.

Oh, and did we mention the possibility of floating into space? Kind of a low point for space exploration

How to build your own NASA space shuttle

At this point, we're assuming you're climbing a tree in a pathetic (albeit hilarious) attempt to reach space. Tut tut, that won't work. What you're going to need is, what is referred to as, a Space Shuttle. We at cracked happened to find plans for the aforementioned vessle. With this handy step-by-step guide, you'll be frolicking in space in no time.

Step 1 - Ensure you have enough space to build. We can't tell you how many times people have started their ship and realised 3 square metres of space isn't enough. The best spacing for your construction is preferably 25 metres by 30 metres, just for efficiency. If you're planning to launch your ship into outerspace (for legal reasons, we recommend you avoid doing this), be aware that a fair amount of dust and "air-shit" will be spread across a vast area by the blast force of the engines. Remember to warn neighbours and passers-by with well placed signs.

Step 2 - Looking over the designs. You can't build a shuttle without blueprints. Thanks to ingenuity and feeling the original designs were overly complicated, we hired an artist to create a simplified rendition of the shuttle for home use.

Step 3 - Beginning the building process. NASA's blueprints and design notes state that it's important to build with multiple safety engineers present and to maintain a calm atmosphere if something goes slightly awry. Of course, these guidelines aren't going to do you any good, since A) It's unlikely you will be hiring a safety engineer and B) The first thing you're going to do if something goes wrong is scream, fling a weaker, fatter and slower person towards the problem and run like hell, knowing full well they can't catch you. So, safety out of the way, time to get building. The first thing you'll want to do is place a large beam down on the floor. The beam should be roughly the length that you want your shuttle to be. This is going to be your template. Now, you'll need:

  • Superglue
  • Wood (various shapes and sizes)
  • Metal
  • Hammer
  • Nails
  • Saw
  • Wheels (any size will do)
  • A steering wheel
  • A computer (Any operating system will work, the first NASA shuttle launched with computer equipment more temperamentall than Vista. Seriously, we're not joking, hook up Windows 95 to that bad boy, and you'll be flying, quite literally.)
  • Rocket engines (Costly, but awesome)
  • Cookies (because, you know, it's space. You'll get hungry.)

First, superglue the wood pieces together to form the shape of the shuttle. It doesn't matter if it's crude, the metal will cover any embarrassments. Next, use the saw to cut through the wood in the shape of a doorway. This is an important part of the ship, as it's where you'll get in and out in an emergency. Once this is sorted out, use the metal to form the outer shell. This will protect against oxygen leaks and the heat of re-entry, just like condoms. So, you have your shuttle, but wait, it's not moving. Why? Because there's no wheels, computer or engines. So let's sort it out! Plug your computer into the wood (anywhere will do, this is science after all) and load the system. Wait for the help option to pop up, it should say "We notice you're trying to achieve interstellar travel. Would you like assistance?". Select no, you're not an infant, you can do this by yourself. Attach the wheels and the rockets and the steering wheel, and you're ready. Oh, and put the cookies inside, you'll need the cookies.

Step 4 - Launch (optional). Launch is an easy procedure. You'll need someone to do the countdown, and some atmospheric music for tension.We recommend Richard Strauss' Also Sprach Zarathustra for the launch and Johann Strauss' Blue Danube for when you are circling the earth, just for that great weightless feeling.

Congratulations, you're now an astronaut. Contact NASA immediately on your return.