BIONIC ANIMALS. Science started out as the good guys helping out little leg-less puppies by attaching them to doggy wheel chairs thus allowing them to zip around pretending they are normal.

(Not Normal)

Just The Facts

  1. They are scary.
  2. They are dangerous.
  3. They are the animal sky-net and will turn on us.

Bionic Animals: A Call to Action

I'm all for playing house, but when that house turns into one that belongs in the circus between the six-dicked, three toed man, and the woman who turned herself into a pregnant bird of prey I draw the line.


(Actual Photo of Facts)

How would you feel having to tell your children the mystical story of how babies are made only to google a picture of a stork and this pops up?


(Just make it disappear)

This son of a bitch is a monstrosity. Your child would cry and ask mommy to "take it away," after a quick glimpse of this "bird." Try to ignore the pitch-black devil eyes for one second and look down and to the left. See that beak? That is steel. U.S. Steel. The backbone of our country. Steel is no longer building frames for our next highway or railroad but rather taking a Mother Goose fairy tale stork and making it an airborne weapon that not even Alfred Hitchcock could have thought up. Not poly-urethane - alloy, blah, blah, blah. This is one rugged pecker that is prime to do some damage.

I know what you're thinking "But, storks are stupid, stupid animals, and wouldn't know how to use that thing anyway." Well then may I present to you this.



(Worlds smartest animal. Watch your shit.)

Why are these assholes always smiling at me? Cocky grin plastered on its face every time. Looking and thinking that it's better then me. Well, look closer at that top picture. Look at the tail. Ya, that's not real soon to be tuna in my belly tail meat. That's a bionic tale which I'm sure allows him to swim a good ten to fifteen miles-per-hour faster, and jump three times as high. I ask you, why are we further arming the same animal that can kill sharks and has attempted an assassination plot on the President of these United States.


(Real Life Movie)

If General George Patton could barely stop this thing with a normal fin I don't even want to continue to think about the possible consequences.

I beg of you to think about the road we are headed down. I do say that we must think morally here. We should not just slap some steel on a stork because we can and it needs to survive. First a bionic tail fin on a dolphin and then�


It's a slippery







That is all.