LeBron James
Who is LeBron James? He's a basketball player. He stuffs balls through rims. And he's very good at it. To help you understand Lebron's abilities, we have provided a helpful checklist to clear up any confusion:
Just The Facts
- LeBron James is one of the best and most exciting players in the NBA today.
- His shoulder muscles alone score more points than the rest of his teammates combined.
- LeBron was the number one pick in the 2003 draft, ahead of other NBA superstars such as Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, and most famous of all, Darko Milicic.
Cracked on LeBron James
At 6'8" and 250lbs, LeBron James is one of the most physically dominant and talented players the league has ever seen. He has rewritten the rules on how to play, having filled nearly every position on the court imaginable. His knowledge of the game is second-to-none, and his court-vision is sublime. He has won numerous awards, holds many of the NBA's "youngest to- " records, and is generally really fucking awesome.
The Hype
LeBron James was born LeBron Raymone James on December 30, 1984 in Akron, Ohio, just down the I-77 from Cleveland. He played ball on the blacktops of his neighborhood, dominating the other kids at an early age. From the beginning, his flair and court vision caught the eyes of youth coaches across the city.
Though he bounced around from school to school during his early teens, he found his spot at St. Vincent-St. Mary Catholic High School. In his four years in high school, he led his team to 3 Division III titles. LeBron himself was named to the All-American team three times, awarded Ohio's Mr. Basketball prize three times, and was touted as an NBA-level prospect starting from grade 11. The hype was so tremendous that he signed a $90 million contract with Nike, amongst other massive endorsements without even playing a single NBA game. In essence, LeBron earned more as a teenager than you ever will over several lifetimes for simply having potential.
(Take a step back now and compare what you've accomplished in high school to LeBron's high school career. Feel free to weep. Because there's more.)
His personal achievements naturally created a halo effect for his team. The school had to move their practices from their gym to a bigger one at the University of Akron. Big games were played in large arenas to sell-out crowds that often consisted of NBA stars. The media swarmed all over him. In fact, he had his image plastered on the covers of ESPN Magazine and Sports Illustrated right around the same age you got your first reach-around.
LeBron was so prodigious that he turned down college completely because he felt it was a waste of time. Having flipped off the NCAA, he then petitioned the NBA to lower the minimum draft age from 18 to 17. Though the league refused, it gave LeBron a chance to further hone his skills. It also gave other NBA teams time to draw up contingency plans against LeBron's eventual offensive onslaught. So did those plans work?
The LeBron Years
Not really. After his first season, he won Rookie of the Year honours by a landslide after having posted an average of 20 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists a game. To put that achievement into perspective, only two other players in the history of the NBA were able to post such numbers in their first years. The first was Oscar Robertson. See if you can guess the second guy.
(Hint: his name rhymes with Bichael Mordan)
As the seasons rolled by, LeBron went from "excellent" to "absolutely unfuckingstoppable". Teams threw everything at him: double-teams, triple-teams, hard fouls, bear traps, kitchen knives... you name it. And yet, he continued to dominate. His stats were every fantasy player's wet dream. The Cavs were on the up and up, evolving from division minnows to conference contenders. For once, the people of Cleveland had hope, something that was unheard of in a city that has literally the worst history in all of professional sports (see The Wrong Advices: Be Glad You Ain't From Cleveland).
LeBron's superstardom shot through the roof during the 2007 Eastern Conference Finals. The Cavs were down 0-2 versus perennial powerhouses Detroit. But LeBron was not going to take this lying down, and fought back in the next two games. In the pivotal game 5, LeBron went apeshit and scored 48 points, and moreover, he scored the Cavaliers' last 25 points in double-overtime, turning the series right around.. The Cavs then won game 6 and shockingly booked their tickets to the 2007 NBA Finals.
25 points in 10 minutes. He makes it look so damn easy.
The MVP
It became clear that LeBron was the Cavs, for all intents and purposes; as such, the team's greatest strength was also the team's greatest weakness. This was glaringly evident in the aftermath of the upset of Detroit. Having unexpectedly reached the 2007 NBA Finals, the Cavs were embarrassingly swept by the San Antonio Sleeping Pills due to one simple reason: LeBron was stopped. That meant, rather than score by himself, he had to depend on his teammates, who quite frankly, aren't very good at basketball.
This weakness was also was evident the year after, as the Cavs were chased home by Boston (henceforth known as "those fucking Celtics").
Questions were raised if LeBron was capable of leading the Cavs, rather than just scoring all the points on their behalf. LeBron contemplated these cynicisms during the summer of 2008, thought they were all completely retarded, and came back to the 08-09 season with a vengeance. The Cavs steamrolled nearly every team they met, and finished with the league's best record of 66-16 (which is 4 wins better than those fucking Celtics).
LeBron led the team in all 5 major statistical categories, and that's not even including most dunks, most posterizations, or most ridiculous first name that isn't "Zydrunas". As such, LeBron was given the league's MVP award for the first time in his career. And he wasn't done yet.
The Cavs swept the first two rounds of the 2009 Playoffs, winning each of the 8 games by no less than 10 points. Unfortunately, they lost to Orlando in the Eastern Conference Finals by 4 games to 2. However, LeBron didn't going to go down without a fight, as evidenced by his triple-double performance in game 4 and an ungodly buzzer-beating three-pointer in game 2.
So will he be back next year? You fucking bet.
The Future
As for LeBron winning a championship, it's not a matter of if, but when. And more significantly, where. Rumor has it that LeBron will test the free agent market after the 09-10 season and possibly sign with the New York Knicks. Of course, this is very unlikely, as the Cavs are successful whereas the Knicks haven't made the playoffs since about the late 17th century.
Yet, it looked like it was about to happen. After a disappointing 2010 playoffs with his incompetent crew of cronies, LeBron James decides that the best way to satisfy his desire to be like Jordan is to jump ship and join the Miami Heat. Because that's exactly what Jordan would do- oh wait.
So now that he's given up being the next great franchise player, his popularity faces an uncertain future. While fans in Miami may embrace him, all other fans from around the country who bought a "LeBron 23" jersey should send their paraphenalia to a Cleveland-area Goodwill store. This will be a good thing, as less-fortunate families will now have an opportunity to keep their houses warm for the winter.
Hey Ma! It's gettin' cold! Put another jersey on the fire, won't ya?
There are a select few people in the world who are simply insanely good athletes. I cant imagine what it takes to do what he does. he akmost deserves to be such a douche
ReplyI'd never accuse Lebron of being an underachiever. If anything he's an overachiever who can't hack the pressure that it takes to be an overachiever and win. LeQuit made it the finals with the team he had and got bounced by the SPurs because they were a better TEAM. Now, Lebron is over in Miami and should he even get ONE ring with Bosh and Wade (not inconcievable at some point) the fact will remain that he took the easier route to get it. All while acting like a primadonna. Lebron was King $#!T in Cleveland. You're telling me the man who took an entire league hostage for a summer can't get on managements @$$ (much like Kobe did) to get them a true big (a declining Shaq doesn't qualify) which is all CLeveland really needed to put them over.
ReplyYou forgot a couple: have no championships, tick set up a douche bag, vain, hour broadcast, tick have to transfer to another team of superstars because he cant lead a team to a championship himself, tick you seriously need to stop masturbating over Lebron, sounds like you just follow him instead of an actual team, thats an infatuation and you may have a mental illness, oh and other peole who left high school probably went to college and became valued members of society, Lebron is just good at a sport because he was lucky enough to be born with the right genes. getting huge endorsement deals doesnt make Lebron a high achiever or better person, if he is so great then surely he is a massive underachiever as I repeat he has NO championships and has to surround himself with the best players out of desperation rather than beating them, so again stop masturbating over Lebron and face facts: he is a underachiever
ReplyWAIT WAIT WAIT !!
You must forgot that the game of basketball is a "TEAM" sport!
Lebron James did his job, for 7 damn yrs with the Cavs. He carried them on his back EVERY game! He was The city of Akron ! No he couldnt get a ring, jus think about it. would you stay on a team after 7 whole years without even havin ONE championship? I know i wudnt, if im bustin my ass night in and night out! He went to the Heat because he felt like he had a better chance. If the city of CLEVELAND "LOVED" him the way they said they did. then they would have understood and respected his decision . Instead everybody wanna look down on him and talk mad s**t about him. People NEVER look at the Positive it always have to be the Negative! Do You Watch wat Bron does on the Court? you cant possibly be. He's not and underachiever, wat the hell . You're just talking!
Being 6'8" 250 lbs out of high school is abnormal. That helps alot. James is a star but remember he Kobe and he damn sure aint Jordon. He may be a King in Middle America but he damn sure isnt a basketball God. If Jordan or Kobe had his size the records would be more dramatic. I think this Miami thing will be short lived with no rings for Lebron. As Jordan said become the best by playing against the best.
Replyhmmm miami leads their division......
This ridiculous notion that given lebrons size Jordan would have been better is idiotic. Ever wonder why shaq didn't play shooting guard when he was in his prime? Oh wait, no you didn't cuz that would be f*****g stupid. There is a perfect height and weight assigned to each position PG: 6'3" SG: 6'6" SF: 6'8" PF: 6'11" and C:7'0
If you play your position at any of these heights along with a proper weight then you literally cannot be any better. A 6'8" Michael Jordan would have been the same player he just would have played different.
Oops wait he's in Miami...
Replywhat do u guys think of him on the clippers?
ReplyMy highschool played him in playoffs for several years before we won state after he left.
ReplyI'm good friends with the guys who guarded him.
hes great f**k all the haters the guy is doing great and who wouldn't be a total baddass in his position, i know i would
ReplyLeBron James is a great athlete, but I hate the guy. I've never seen him play a full game without whining to the refs about not treating him specially. He's a star in the NBA, and that affords him certain privileges. Refs will regularly call fouls on defenders that they didn't commit and allow LeBron to travel and charge on a regular basis. This doesn't just happen at home games, it's both home and away. What gets me is that he complains when the refs treat him the same as every other player on the court.
ReplyBefore you ask, yes I am a Wizards fan. Still, it's not a bias. I talk to Cleveland fans that say they notice it as well. I'm not hating because he's the best, I'm hating because he's a bitch.
Sure he bitches and so does every other player in the nba. Watch a real nba game and you'll see almost every foul that gets called someone bitches, even the out of bounds calls. I do agree that he does b***h but who cares when you put of the show he does every game you can do whatever you want.
Just to make everything clear I am from Cleveland and I am a Cavs fan, and it is a complete and total bias. Boston is old and suck, Orlando doesn't have the right pieces to the puzzle, Atlanta and everyone else in the east has no chance with the exception of Washington who have less than no chance. We only need to worry about the Lakers in the west and we have proven we can beat them.
Am I saying were going to win the championship? NO because I've lived in Cleveland my whole life and have seen this story way too many times before. But it's still nice to know we have LeBron and you guys don't.
everyones a gott damm critic..F*CK the BOSTON CELTICS!!
lebron is a bitch. cleveland at going to win s**t, and the Celts are going to be back in the finals in '10. real talk.
ReplySan Antonio sleeping pills? I don't know why people don't like the team play and defense of the Spurs. Plus, having the best power forward to ever play the game is reason enough to love the Spurs. Add Tony and Manu and this team is awesome.
ReplyWhen they're healthy that is. Manu may be one of the most underrated/underappreciated players in the NBA today. He's never really gotten his due for how good he is, and the main reason he is both 1. Awesome and 2. Injury Prone is all the hustle that won't show up in any sabermetric formula. Call him a flopper if you want, you can't say he doesn't have heart.
Great article!
ReplyOkay, you say that LeBron won't join the New York Knicks because the Cavaliers are successul. Aren't you kind of contradicting yourself? You mention earlier in your article that LeBron's teammates in Cleveland suck, and that the only reason the team lost in the Finals is because the Spurs were able to stop LeBron.
ReplySo doesn't that mean that Cleveland's success is only based on LeBron? For LeBron, why not just leave to go to New York since all the success is coming from him in the first place anyways?
Also, Nike will pay LeBron an extra 100 million dollars to his contract with them, if he decides to play for a team in Los Angeles, Chicago, or New York. LeBron is an egotistical media whore; playing for the Knicks in the biggest stage in the NBA would be great for LeBron.
He wouldn't really have much of a future in Cleveland since Shaq only has about 1-2 good years left in him. In New York, the sky is the limit and LeBron is still incredibly young. He can average a triple double in D'antoni's system, and can add 10 points to his PPG off fastbreak points alone (LBJ has been one of the league leaders in fastbreak points and he doesn't even play for an up tempo team, so imagine how many points he'd be accumulating if he actually played in a high octane offense).
There's still a chance he stays with the Cavaliers, though. Cleveland is near his hometown of Akron, Ohio.
In New York, the sky is the limit unless you play professional basketball.
yeah, great article and all, but more of a fanboy wikipedia article than a humorous insight that i usually expect from a Cracked article. Also, i noticed that you casually skipped over the fact that Lebron is an egotistical a*****e who thinks that supporting his fan-base means allowing them to look at him play. This fact alone destroys his image when compared to other basketball greats.
ReplyYeah, this was written earlier on, when the objective was to create something that you, the topic editor, are interested in or are a fan of.
I could re-write this whole thing to make it more on-the-fence and boring, but I'm too f*****g lazy.
articles is preety good even though its clear the writer is a HUGE fan of lebron. nd he can be a top 10 and even possible top 5 at the end of his career but he will NEVER EVER be wat MJ was for the sport. skill wise and marketable wise.
ReplyIt was quite funny, very informative I guess if you dont know of LeBron
ReplyLebron is number one
ReplyThis wasn't even funny. It was sickening how gay the praise was in this article. LeBron is good, we know. Sadly, he hasn't won a ring and was posterized by a freshman. All tapes were, in reality, immediately seized by Nike because as they, by they I mean me, put it: LeBron is a pussy.
ReplyYou're just the other end of the spectrum here, Yes whoever wrote this article has glorified LeBron, but thats what the current MVP gets, he's no p***y, he's far from it, and sort your god damn basketball vocab out.. LeBron got dunked on by a freshman, not posterized!
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