Amazon Kindle

Amazon Kindle: The De-Evolution of Technology

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Instead of this, why not by $259 worth of Ritz crackers? Yummy Ritz!

How hard it would be to pick up that paper.

Just The Facts

  1. The Kindle costs $259
  2. The average book costs free at your local public library
  3. Money saved can be spent on, you know, more books

In the Beginning

Way, way back in the day of my youth (the 90's), children used to look for the most extreme measures to rot their brains and seal their future as mindless zombie heathens with the computational skills of a retarded chipmunk. I remember the novelty of the original Nintendo, folks! Duck hunt? Mario Bros.? Those were simply the beginning, and as a tiny tot, I could never imagine anything as breathtaking as a good game of Ninja Gaiden (my personal favourite). Imagine later the advent of the Sega Genesis, which gave us 16-bit entertainment, as opposed to Nintendo's 8-bit. That was a bold move, and since then, technology has been on the up and up to compete for our affections and save us from all of the dangers and disappointments that having a healthy, productive life has to offer.

Of course, computer games (which have evolved into PS3-ishny goodness that we have come to know and love our entire months rent into) were not the only things to evolve. Music took a turn as well. I remember the transition from cassettes to CDs. Minidisks tried valiantly to make an appareance and phased out very rapidly, but not before people knew they now wanted something smaller and yet, more spacious for their tunes. Thus we have the MP3 player, able to hold hundreds of songs as opposed to CD storage of approximately twenty. Technology, my friends, has the right idea. With attention-spans and patience that have devolved rapidly within my generation, thanks to aforementioned gaming systems, we as the new generation, the ones at the edge of the future, now desire devices that are efficient, accomodating, and most importantly, mean less work for us. Of course, it is not 'technological evolution' if it does not get smaller so that we can wonder at the amazing feat that such a tiny, itty bitty wittle thing can hold so much information.

Crimes Against Technology

I am sad to say, my fellow sunlight-deprived techie pioneers, that the Amazon Kindle does not deliver the goods when it comes to advancements in technology. You see, there is a simple equation that this new device cannot compute: efficiency = more slovenly time. Not only does is the Kindle not efficient, but it is very unefficient. Let us examine why this is:

1. It's still book size!

The Amazon Kindle is not like a nano-book. It's not even like a somewhat nano-book. It's like a book. The Kindle weighs roughly 10 ounces. The average book? 12 ounces. Yes, my friends, you are paying $259 for a 2 ounce difference. A 2 ounce difference that will not ease your back pains or shoulders whatsoever. To make this price worthwhile, I want no problem shoving the Kindle into that little tiny half-pocket in the right pocket of my jeans! Screw that, I want the thing to download the text DIRECTLY TO MY BRAIN! $259 to feel like I'm carrying some reject invention of Elroy's on The Jetson's is a little steep.

2. Because you really need hundreds of books at your disposal RIGHT AWAY!

When is the last time you read 3,500 books in a matter of days? Hell, when is the last time you read 3,500 books in a matter of YEARS? You didn't. You know you didn't. So why do you need to have 3,500 books at your disposal? You don't. You don't at all. When one sits down to enjoy a book, it's very easy; one simply reaches over to the bookshelf and pulls the book in question and puts it back when one is done. Books are even compact enough that we can take our current book with us on the subway, the bus, to school, to work, wherever you want! See? It's as if the inventors of books knew! There is no reason to pay obscene amounts of money on something that stores thousands of books at one time. If you need 3,500 books right away and you are not at home near your own, chances are you're a researcher who is falling back on their job of owning a gazillion books as references. Seriously, who thought to give you a degree?

3. And of course, NOTHING can go wrong with keeping your books on an ELECTRICAL DEVICE!

If you have any interest in owning 3,500 books, congratulations, you're a fellow bibliophile. Would you really trust an electrical, battery operated device to store your precious cargo? No, I didn't think so. Would you expose your books to the elements, such as extreme heat or extreme cold, if there was a chance that they could malfunction? Nope, not that either. Not to mention the possibility that a glitch come along and wipe out your entire library. How many times have you walked to your bookshelf only to find your entire collection wiped clean by some funky virus that is only a matter of time when your network is powered by AT&T? Yes, that's right. Never. Books cannot be deleted, erased, damaged by temperature, stepped on to death, cracked,

As far as battery life goes, well . . . per Amazon's own words:

Read on a single charge for up to 1 week with wireless on. Turn wireless off and read for up to 2 weeks. Battery life will vary based on wireless usage, such as shopping the Kindle Store and downloading content. In low-coverage areas or in EDGE/GPRS-only coverage, wireless usage will consume battery power more quickly.

Read the key words there: UP TO 1 WEEK, WILL VARY, and of course, being that it is AT&T based: LOW COVERAGE WILL COSUME BATTERY POWER MORE QUICKLY.

Because if there's anything you love more, it's waiting 4 hours to recharge my book so you can finish reading.

In Closing

If you're seriously considering buying the Kindle in any of its forms, I want you to stop and think. Think. Think harder. HARDER, DAMN YOU. A library card is free. Libraries are wonderful, because they let you test the book first, WITHOUT paying $9.99 to download them to your $259 piece of electronic.

So do yourself and technology a favour. Put that money towards the newest iPhone or something and pretend the words Amazon Kindle means merely some burning piece of wood you found in Brazil. You'll live a much happier life for it.